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  1. #1
    Sheep pill, broster asynartetic's Avatar
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    Default Pretending to be one of the guys

    All of my life I've been a chameleon, adjusting my behavior to better fit in at social settings. I don't particularly like this aspect of myself and occasionally I will resolve to stop pretending I am someone else and to start being my normal self (which would therefore not be normal by society's standards), but it's something I cannot stop myself from doing. At work, if other guys check out a woman's ass, I pretend to give a fuck. I'll join in and say, "oohh yeah, I'd hit that" but afterward I feel like a fucking buffoon, a brute. It's not that I don't appreciate other women's beauty, but it's low, if not nonexistent, on my priority list. It reminds me of a scene in the sitcom How I Met Your Mother wherein the character Marshall, happily married, can only justify the thought of sex with another woman by engaging in a long and elaborate fantasy in which his wife has been dead for many years and only then does he feel comfortable having relations with another woman. That is what it would take for me to really care about "tapping" other asses. Otherwise, guys seem to think something is wrong with me. Then it resembles something like that scene in The 40 Year Old Virgin in which Steve Carell is accused of being gay for not appearing enthusiastic about banging women. Granted, my reasons don't involve being a lifelong virgin, but the reaction from his coworkers is something akin to what I'd expect in my own situation.

    The same thing happens with sports talk. I will feign interest in the NFL or some other sport, even going so far to sometimes verbally endorse a team I know little about--my basis for choosing a team is usually their team colors. I like the Saints because their uniforms look cool. I actually don't care about the Saints though.

    I also have a terrible habit of adjusting my accent and speech to mirror whoever I am talking to. I see myself doing it and I feel like a phony, but it still happens.

    It's worse around other males. Around women, I have an easier time being myself. Perhaps this is why many of my best friends throughout my life have been females. I feel less of a need to play some role, I can let my guard down a little bit.

  2. #2
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    We just had a long discussion about this sort of thing in my "Why I'm bitter and or cynical thread." I concluded that to try to fit in is ultimately a waste of time and should be kept to a minimum so that it doesn't interfere with principles. Your true self is buried underneath somewhere. Spend your time paying too much attention to how others perceive you and you forget who you actually are.

  3. #3
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    why would you pretend to be interested in something your not? I don't pretend, if they don't like me for hating football, i'll go find other people. I mean I like certain things and if you don't like them it doesn't matter because it just doesn't. what you're like has no bearing on whether we are friends there's other factors
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  4. #4
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    I do some girl pretending too. I usually try to keep it at the "if i don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all" level. Just kinda finding things I can add that are genuine to try to steer the interaction in a direction I feel more comfortable in. But if directly confronted, I do kinda smile and go along sometimes. I try to get away with just staying quiet in those situations though, and can end up becoming a little anti-social or avoidant. Cuz I totally feel you, it's a crap feeling, and I hate doing it.

    EDIT: i do just speak my mind a lot of the time too. i try to do so without tearing down whatever they've said, but i feel like it's good to introduce some heterogeneity of ideas and preferences in circles like that. newsflash, ladies: not every woman feels and thinks the same way as you.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  5. #5
    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
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    This is a tough question. I feel like this, too, with the exception that I run into this problem more with women than with other men. For some reason, if I'm interested in a woman, I am hell bent on convincing her that I'm an ESFJ. This results in the problem of me only attracting women I am incompatible with.
    [Trump's] rhetoric is not an abuse of power. In the same way that it's also not against the law to do a backflip off of the roof of your house onto your concrete driveway. It's just mind-numbingly stupid and, to say the least, counterproductive. - Bush did 9-11


    This is not going to go the way you think....

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  6. #6
    Sheep pill, broster asynartetic's Avatar
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    I used to act more like a badboy if I was interested in a girl because I got sick of being a nice guy cast aside for assholes. The friend zone is perhaps the most humiliating place a man can be placed, second only to being raped in prison.

    In hindsight, it was silly because

    a) I was expending so much energy trying to be someone else
    and
    b) if they didn't like me for who I was, were they really worth the trouble to begin with?

  7. #7
    Sheep pill, broster asynartetic's Avatar
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    I told my wife about how I pretend to check out women when I really don't care. I thought she might be mad but she laughed her ass off.

  8. #8
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    You're married. Huh.

    It was silly. I used to feel incredibly embarrassed growing up for not liking cars. Then I discovered the Mitsubishi GTO.

  9. #9
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Ok I'm a girl, which makes sense. But I have no interest in makeup, talking about boys, or shopping (the sterotypical girl stuff) so what I do is I don't really talk to girls about that kind of thing. If that's all they want to talk about, then I find someone else to talk to. I don't really change who I am to fit in, I find somewhere I already fit in. And it doesn't matter if who I'm talking to is male or female as long as we're both enjoying the conversation.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  10. #10
    Sheep pill, broster asynartetic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by superunknown View Post
    You're married. Huh.
    Surprised?

    It was silly. I used to feel incredibly embarrassed growing up for not liking cars. Then I discovered the Mitsubishi GTO.
    It's not that I didn't like women when I was younger, it's just that now that I have the ideal one, there's no interest in the others.

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