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Morpeko

Noble Wolf
Joined
Sep 20, 2017
Messages
5,414
MBTI Type
LEFV
Enneagram
461
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
In the past, I've actually done a lot of what the OP shared about "pretending to be one of the guys," though I've never been a natural chameleon. I tried to adjust my behavior so much to fit a hyper-masculine persona. I didn't do it so much in person (although I'd make a point about not being feminine), but I did it in every single online community I frequented. I'd change my typing to match theirs, use similar words to them, and worst of all, partake in a lot of talk about banging and rating women even though I wasn't that interested in it. I never actually pretended to like sports, but I'd specifically talk about the masculine interests I had and sports I liked (i.e. professional wrestling, metal music, etc.) and avoid talking about anything considered feminine by society.

On the other hand, I've never felt the need to pretend to be "one of the girls." It's always seemed appalling and demeaning to seem interested in stereotypical feminine interests like fashion/makeup, "boy talk," and such. I'd leave rooms whenever women talk about things like giving birth or periods because I did not want to be associated with any of it, even if I'm not even part of the conversation. In the past, I've cared too much about not wanting to be seen as vulnerable or sensitive, so I wouldn't have wanted to talk about my emotions or feelings.

At this point in my life, I've learned that I shouldn't try so hard to be seen as a male, and that I shouldn't try so hard to reject anything feminine. I allow myself to naturally enjoy things that are considered either feminine or masculine, regardless of what any group thinks. While I do still care about what people perceive me to be, I no longer want to waste my energy pretending.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
496
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I will smile and nod in some social settings, but that's as far as it goes to 'fitting in'. Even when I was young I never could hang out with people. I couldn't copy them to fit in. I mostly listened to the people who were the social misfits and were lonely and sitting alone. I listened to a lot of psychologically diverse people, mostly on the fringes of the social groupings. Freetime was spent on walks in nature, or practicing music. I can reflect back a little bit linguistically on an individual level in a structured exchange like a music lesson, but as far as interests and behaviors, it doesn't feel like an option to me. This inability to conform is why I've lived in isolation.
 

Maou

Mythos
Joined
Jun 20, 2018
Messages
6,117
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
As a women with a lot of the same crowd... yeah its an ES world out there. I even take part in the chameleon behaviors of who I am surrounded by, including "locker room talk" that people seem to be averse to nowadays.
 

Mole

Permabanned
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
20,284
I feel sorry for Prince Harry who loved being one of the guys in the military.

I have a strong sense of self and have not felt the need to prostitute my self to be one of the guys, and certainly not to prostitute myself to the military.

Prince Harry has graduated from being one of the guys in the military to being the creature of the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle.

The price Prince Harry paid to be one of the guys, particularly the guy of the Duchess, is his job, his family, and his country.
 

yeghor

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 21, 2013
Messages
4,276
All of my life I've been a chameleon, adjusting my behavior to better fit in at social settings. I don't particularly like this aspect of myself and occasionally I will resolve to stop pretending I am someone else and to start being my normal self (which would therefore not be normal by society's standards), but it's something I cannot stop myself from doing. At work, if other guys check out a woman's ass, I pretend to give a fuck. I'll join in and say, "oohh yeah, I'd hit that" but afterward I feel like a fucking buffoon, a brute. It's not that I don't appreciate other women's beauty, but it's low, if not nonexistent, on my priority list. It reminds me of a scene in the sitcom How I Met Your Mother wherein the character Marshall, happily married, can only justify the thought of sex with another woman by engaging in a long and elaborate fantasy in which his wife has been dead for many years and only then does he feel comfortable having relations with another woman. That is what it would take for me to really care about "tapping" other asses. Otherwise, guys seem to think something is wrong with me. Then it resembles something like that scene in The 40 Year Old Virgin in which Steve Carell is accused of being gay for not appearing enthusiastic about banging women. Granted, my reasons don't involve being a lifelong virgin, but the reaction from his coworkers is something akin to what I'd expect in my own situation.

The same thing happens with sports talk. I will feign interest in the NFL or some other sport, even going so far to sometimes verbally endorse a team I know little about--my basis for choosing a team is usually their team colors. I like the Saints because their uniforms look cool. I actually don't care about the Saints though.

I also have a terrible habit of adjusting my accent and speech to mirror whoever I am talking to. I see myself doing it and I feel like a phony, but it still happens.

It's worse around other males. Around women, I have an easier time being myself. Perhaps this is why many of my best friends throughout my life have been females. I feel less of a need to play some role, I can let my guard down a little bit.
Sounds like ENFJ using Fe-Ni to gauge the appropriate role for a given setting and emulating it thru tertiary-Se. Cat calling type of behaviour comes from Se, so you must be around xSTPs. Emulating accents sounds like Fe as well.

I can't do that myself, there's a voice inside me telling to act more macho or imitate macho behaviour to get respect sometimes, but I can't bring myself to enacting it, it feels as if I would be phony, I think that's because Se is my weakest function, whereas you seem to be using it when necessary even though you don't enjoy it or actually feel like it.

Bluffball - IT Crowd
 

Saturnal Snowqueen

Solastalgia 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊
Joined
Jan 9, 2019
Messages
6,125
MBTI Type
FELV
Enneagram
974
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I feel this. I actually don't consider myself particularly masculine, whatever that even means, but I've always felt a comfort with hanging out with guys because it feels like there are no barriers. I can almost dominate them(not like that) because of that new found confidence. I used to be unhappy with my gender, but now I see it as a novelty. Exploring all the different "feminine" aesthetics, looking up to women of the past, girl power characters, imagining myself as a lady in another time period. I just hate being around women and being reminded that I am one, being trapped in my body. Like "Oh you got cramps girl?", or "Us girls stick together, right?". Motherliness, though I've developed a soft spot for some motherly/rejection heavy people in enneagram. It's almost like I put up a masculine front when I'm around other woman as a defense mechanism, unconsciously but I even feel my voice go deeper when I'm around other women. I do see myself as a bit of a daddy's girl(not that kind, literally cause only my dad is alive and I'm an only child), so that gives into feeling like one of the guys too I think.
 
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