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  1. #31
    brainheart
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    Just because you love someone no matter what doesn't mean you're going to put up with their shit. If anything, loving someone no matter what helps reduce the amount of shit. I've been the receiver and the giver of unconditional love so yes. Both the receiving and the giving are a big reason why I'm still alive.

  2. #32
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    I think that love in and of itself is unconditional. I think it's something you tap into, not something that you give and take.

    We apply "conditional" to practical relationships because we have finite resources - time and energy in particular - in reference to how much love we can consistently actively manifest towards someone. Love motivates one to act in a way that is compassionate and considerate of others, but it does not necessitate the prolongation of relationships which are to one's own detriment.

  3. #33
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    i kind of think love needs to be unconditional?
    i don't really know of 'conditioned love'...how valid that would be.
    i'd assume love is unconditional...by its nature.

    idk. love hurts. that's what do know.

  4. #34
    Member keto chameleon's Avatar
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    it is a nice concept but within relationships especially I do feel it gets romanticised too much which often leads to unrealistic expectations. I guess the propagation of the theory of unconditional love comes from a point of philanthropic idealism as well as personal understanding.

    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    except maybe mother to child
    that should be the case really, but not always... these things depend on how emotionally insecure the parents are.

    Quote Originally Posted by beyondaurora View Post
    There does always seem to be a condition, if even the condition is that the person giving "unconditional" love is to feel good about themselves for doing so.
    much in the same way that I don't think true altruism exists. I believe there is a limit or scale which is different for different people.

    Quote Originally Posted by Such Irony View Post
    I'm skeptical about 100% unconditional love even being possible. I think just about everybody has a 'breaking point' when someone does something so heinous that love and forgiveness is just not possible. What if someone tried to kill you and felt no remorse whatsoever? That would be an example where I could no longer love the person.
    I have a similar level of skepticism when talking about "unconditional" as a definition.

    Quote Originally Posted by WhoCares View Post
    I have my doubts that humans are even capable of such a thing, even in the parent child context. So many parents are looking for and extract from their children the cost of love over the course of their lives. Whether they do it consciously or not is up for debate. The parent/child relationships that I have known have been firmly based on an ownership dynamic where the child has the expectation placed upon it that they must reflect the parents values in the world.

    I tend to think of unconditional love as being an idealised concept, but not really a practical one. The modus operandi of most people is a give-take situation. You barter for others affections with good behaviour and receive their approval in return. I'm not juding this as either good or bad, it just is. Realising this about human relations has been the hardest thing for me to square with. I'm not a fan of singing for my supper and feeling like a circus monkey in the process. I'm also not a fan of anyone holding currency over me for the purposes of being a puppet master. I like to maintain the ideal of personal freedom at least in my head if not anywhere else.

    My view on love relationships is personally that they are all bound to be shortlived. No-one can perform for another and not feel exhausted at some point and a tad resentful at having to perform in the first place. The best I can acheive in such relationships now is to ride the wave of the less I understand your inner workings the better I like you and then to call a relationship at it's natural end when I discover enough objectionable things about my partner to realise being involved with them is no longer an option. Sorry if that offends some romantic notions out there, its all I've got at this point in time.
    yea I completely get you on this. especially if "performing" brings unexpected returns or reciprocation.

  5. #35
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I think that love in and of itself is unconditional. I think it's something you tap into, not something that you give and take.

    We apply "conditional" to practical relationships because we have finite resources - time and energy in particular - in reference to how much love we can consistently actively manifest towards someone. Love motivates one to act in a way that is compassionate and considerate of others, but it does not necessitate the prolongation of relationships which are to one's own detriment.
    i couldn't agree more.

    to me, the capacity of love grows when one's own self-love grows. when one is able to reorganize their needs in a way that, through sharing, lifts them up. empathy, the practice of compassion, creates a true gift, a surplus. it offers a way that something can become more than the sum of its parts. it's the core of spirit, an ethereal thing, part of what binds us and releases us at the same time.

  6. #36
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    I agree that love is, in its essence, unconditional. Loving someone doesn't need to mean you take all their crap. Love is an unconditional respect for another person as a human being. Desiring what's best for them. Love of self is important too, so that a balance is maintained where you also are seeking what's best for you in self-respect. Nobody is perfect. Love is looking beyond a person's shortcomings and seeing them for the person they are behind them, and accepting them in their imperfection. To struggle and fall is universally human. I'm sure most can say that in those times, we need love most. Not for someone to say, "what you are doing is good" but rather "you are not defined by what you are doing" and to be with you in it. Because most of the time, when someone's acting a fool, it's *not* what's best for them. And in love, you want them to find a more enriching state.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  7. #37
    sophiloist Kaizer's Avatar
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    taking is purely infantile
    trading is business
    giving is love

    and I'm no mole
    Last edited by Kaizer; 01-23-2014 at 07:52 PM.
    The answer must be in the attempt
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  8. #38
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    i couldn't agree more.

    to me, the capacity of love grows when one's own self-love grows. when one is able to reorganize their needs in a way that, through sharing, lifts them up. empathy, the practice of compassion, creates a true gift, a surplus. it offers a way that something can become more than the sum of its parts. it's the core of spirit, an ethereal thing, part of what binds us and releases us at the same time.
    Beautiful.

    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    Love of self is important too, so that a balance is maintained where you also are seeking what's best for you in self-respect.
    Yes... and I think the more we grow and better we grasp how to tap into love, the better we become at figuring out how to love while still applying realistic boundaries. Some of us start on the side of too much loving demonstration and not enough self-love; others on the side of not enough loving demonstration and too much self-love. But I think we all tend to move towards balance. "Wisdom", as it were.

  9. #39

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    Unconditional love is illogical.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I think that love in and of itself is unconditional. I think it's something you tap into, not something that you give and take.

    We apply "conditional" to practical relationships because we have finite resources - time and energy in particular - in reference to how much love we can consistently actively manifest towards someone. Love motivates one to act in a way that is compassionate and considerate of others, but it does not necessitate the prolongation of relationships which are to one's own detriment.
    Totally agree with this! If it's conditional, then it's not love. Love doesn't mean you have to please the person you love all the time and definitely doesn't mean you have to put up with their bad behaviors. It means you are always a friend even if they go wrong, that you do not judge, that you are there in their time of need, that you genuinely care about their well-being and will go out of your way to help them learn and grow, all the while respect them and their choices as an individual, and ask nothing in return, and do not take offense if they do not appreciate what you give them.
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