Your Psyche, Manners and Etiquette

[mrcockburn]

Manners are free, easy, and prevent unnecessary misunderstandings and drama, which would get in the way of getting shit done. So, yes, I'm all for common decency.

Etiquette I'm a little bit more lax on. Beyond the aforementioned common decency, etiquette customs vary enormously everywhere, and as a bona fide roamer, I don't expect to get everything perfect. But I always make a point of learning at least the basics of etiquette in my destination, and observe the locals for clues. When in Rome...

 

[Coriolis]

It is worthwhile caring about manners and etiquette until they become second nature and we can forget about them.

Manners and etiquette are a bit like learning to play the piano. First we practise our scales until they become second nature and we can forget about them.

So those who have to remember to practise manners and etiquette come across as awkward, without grace or charm, as someone without manners or etiquette.

Not everyone learned to play piano this way. Some of us started just by sitting down and figuring out tunes. The scales and technique practice came later, to support rather than supplant one's innate musical instincts.

These instincts correspond more to manners, or at least the foundation of manners, than to etiquette. Internalizing a system of etiquette until it becomes second nature is fine, until you interact with people whose cultural or social background differs much from yours. Then you can no longer depend on the rituals being the same. It is useless to memorize which fork to use when you are among those who eat with chopsticks. Manners, however, will remind you that other people do things differently; that you cannot just plow ahead and use the etiquette that works at home; that you must actually observe and consider how a particular group or person operates, so you understand and respect their customs, and do not unintentionally give offense.

 

[Qre:us]

I value manners over etiquette, since the latter does differ from culture to culture. It is in good manner, however, to helpfully navigate another person, unfamiliar with your customs and culture and etiquette, while still being culturally sensitive to their culture and customs.

 

[Mole]

Oh please, we live in world where manners and etiquette have been relinquished.

Not so long ago the working class imitiated the manners of the middle class, and the middle class imitiated the manners of the upper class, but today we have become declasse and imitiate the manners of the underclass.

So it has become cool to imitate the manners of the underclass - it confers street cred.

But the sad truth is that the underclass only have vulgar manners and so the whole of society has become vulgar - and now vulgar is cool and fashionable.

Good taste is out the window and bad taste rules.