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Thread: Real Life Help

  1. #1
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Default Real Life Help

    This is more a sociology topic but here goes. If there's a better subforum for it, then mods please move. It's a serious topic since I'm curious about this.

    Do strangers offer unsolicited help to you very often in real life? If so, do you perceive any pattern as to why? If not, any idea why not?

    Please include the following self-descriptions:
    • Gender
    • Tall/large or short/small
    • Friendly demeanor or not
    • Do you live in an urban or rural setting?


    Please also include any descriptions of the type of people who offer help.

  2. #2
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Does this mean that no one ever experiences unsolicited help from strangers?

    Then let's examine this from the opposite perspective. Why do you offer or give unsolicited help to strangers in real life?

  3. #3
    garbage
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    I rarely ever have strangers offer unsolicited advice. Though, those that do I see as pushy and controlling across the board, not just with the 'advice' thing. I try to analyze what they say and pick apart what's applicable and what's colored by their perspective.

    No other patterns that I can see.

    I don't offer unsolicited advice, because (a) I often know little about a stranger's situation and, for that reason or others, it seems disrespectful to do so; and (b) I expect them to think more about me ("what an asshole" or perhaps "what a thoughtful young man") than about the advice itself. (Not that I mind their judgments about me, but it's a waste of airspace for me to offer advice if someone isn't listening or looking for it.)

    ..unless it affects me, that is. I'm more prone to give advice when it affects me, and only from my perspective.

    I'll say, though, that I abide by "Don't ask the question if you don't want to know the answer." I'm direct and honest when asked questions outright, and I expect the same when I ask questions.

  4. #4
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    - Female
    - Medium/medium
    - Friendly when approached; otherwise I have a determined/serious resting face
    - Urban setting

    I cannot think of a single time when someone has offered me unsolicited help, and I hadn't at least had one or two conversations with them. Maybe someone who thought I needed Jesus, handing out pamphlets on a street corner or in a park. Besides that, people usually wait to hear more about me, before telling me what they think needs to be fixed.

    I never give unsolicited advice to strangers irl, because
    1) that's rude, and
    2) I don't know them.
    I reserve my unsolicited advice for people I care about/people I've gained a soft spot for.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
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  5. #5
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    To clarify, help can be construed as advice or more concrete manifestations such as helping a lost small child find their mother or helping someone lift/carry an item that's obviously too heavy for them.

  6. #6
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    No.

    Not sure why. I'm confident and self-assured?
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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  7. #7
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by andante View Post
    To clarify, help can be construed as advice or more concrete manifestations such as helping a lost small child find their mother or helping someone lift/carry an item that's obviously too heavy for them.
    Ah, thanks for the clarification. If someone seems like they're REALLY struggling to accomplish something, and I feel capable/qualified, then I'll help. But they have to be struggling and failing to the point that I see them fail two or three times, or more. If it were me, that's when I would want help. Would rather get it done on my own, but if I can't do it, then... well, it has to get done somehow.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  8. #8
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    A guy helped me off the road after a bike accident and helped me get my bike out of traffic too. That was unsolicited but I'm glad he did it. Average size female in a fairly urban setting.

    The other time, in a more urban setting I was on foot carrying a huge ass spice rack (wedding shower gift) half a mile back from Crate and Barrel or some store like that and another guy asked me if I needed help.

    Those are the two I can think of.


    Both times I was having a HORRIBLE day and I'm guessing it showed clearly on my face...
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Ene's Avatar
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    A complete stranger paid for my gas, paid to have my car filled up. When I tried to say thank you he told me to go out and unanimously do something kind for somebody else.
    A student said to his master: "You teach me fighting, but you talk about peace. How do you reconcile the two?" The master replied: "It is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a war." - unknown/Chinese

    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...=61024&page=14

  10. #10
    garbage
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    Oh. Yeah, I help people lift things and find mothers and stuff.

    I only very reluctantly accept help. Once, my car's battery ran out of juice, and a passerby happened to know that one could push a car that had a manual transmission and turn the key to get it started. Guy saved my ass, and I'll never forget it.

    If someone's struggling with something, and it'd take me significantly less effort for me to do it myself or to help them out--that is, if I have skills or knowledge that they don't--I may as well. If nothing else, I view it as an efficient allocation of collective resources if, on the whole, we can expect it all to get paid forward.

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