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  1. #11
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    Are you asking about the negative side or the positive side or both? They're two different things. One is immaturity and the other is "young at heart"?
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  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Agreed. I have silly hobbies too, and post pics of that stuff. For this girl, it's about more than that, and in a way I cannot fully explain, and that's what I'm trying to wrap some context around. What is it about this person that provokes those thoughts? And does it define wider trends? And what implications surround those trends?

    And is it about kids ... no, not specifically.

    Although it was interesting this weekend to get together with friends and family for our 25th wedding anniversary, and there's a couple who, like us, celebrated their 25th this year too. They don't have kids and that was a conscious choice on their part (a choice I respect, btw.) We are different in many ways though and I am sure that having kids does define some of that. There is something that does change your outlook ... I'll have to give that more thought.



    Agreed. I'm not judging the life choices (personally, I like smiley-face cookies) ... there's something about the aggregation over time that gets my attention. That's what I want to explore.
    Ok well I guess I can't help you define it unfortunately.

    I know people who do what I described above, avoiding taking responsibility/control for their lives and circumstances and putting off hard decisions... I'd say those people prob do have some growing up to do, but it sounds like your beef with the FB friend is something else and you can't put your finger on it.

    That is the first aspect of maturity, and then, once you've generally got your shit together in terms of internal stuff and also your lifestyle, for most people there is naturally an aspect of "what can I give back?" which yes can be in the form of children, but it can be in terms of career, or volunteering, or any number of things.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    Are you asking about the negative side or the positive side or both? They're two different things. One is immaturity and the other is "young at heart"?
    Yeah that's a good distinction!
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  4. #14
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by digesthisickness View Post
    Are you asking about the negative side or the positive side or both? They're two different things. One is immaturity and the other is "young at heart"?
    Both really ... this girl's FB posts get my attention because they blip on my Fi-dar, but I am interested in both perspectives.

    This has been a very good read too: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/ma...anted=all&_r=0
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  5. #15
    Senior Member danseen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Agreed. I have silly hobbies too, and post pics of that stuff. For this girl, it's about more than that, and in a way I cannot fully explain, and that's what I'm trying to wrap some context around. What is it about this person that provokes those thoughts? And does it define wider trends? And what implications surround those trends?

    And is it about kids ... no, not specifically.

    Although it was interesting this weekend to get together with friends and family for our 25th wedding anniversary, and there's a couple who, like us, celebrated their 25th this year too. They don't have kids and that was a conscious choice on their part (a choice I respect, btw.) We are different in many ways though and I am sure that having kids does define some of that. There is something that does change your outlook ... I'll have to give that more thought.



    Agreed. I'm not judging the life choices (personally, I like smiley-face cookies) ... there's something about the aggregation over time that gets my attention. That's what I want to explore.



    Well, yes, for brevity I'm not fleshing this out with specifics, but did put in the posts that caused a thought to gel on being "grown-up" and what it means to be "grown-up".

    A little more googling on my end has found the phrase "extended adolescence" is a more common way of describing this as a phenomenon.



    Agreed. Good examples.



    Yes, I agree with that too. The person writing it is probably 20 years older than me, and the age gap is recognizable. My generation, too, bought into that paradigm btw. It's difficult when you see things are not the same for you as for your parents, and I see my own kids facing unique challenges of their generation now too.



    Aww, you're cute. Of course maturity is subjective. Let's explore the concept of extended adolescence - what can you add to the discussion here? Do you even think there's such a thing?
    No, I just think s/he can do as s/he pleases, it's a free world. your judgmental attitude in spite of that. there are no rules in life, as everybody knows. just seems you envy that person, it shows in your post.

  6. #16
    ✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿ digesthisickness's Avatar
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    God, grant me the serenity...
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  7. #17
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    I like that ^ article... it is neutral and exploratory...

    I am in a lifespan development class right now and I'm going to grab my textbook and copy here what it has to say - @PeaceBaby I think it has some good info to mull on -

    Quote Originally Posted by Diane E. Paplia, Ruth Duskin Feldman, Gabriela Martorell
    Varied Paths to Adulthood

    Paths to adulthood are far more varied than in the past. Before the 1960s, young people in the US typically finished school, left home, got a job, got married, and had children, in that order. By the 1990s, only 1 in 4 young adults followed that sequence.

    For many young people today, emerging adulthood is a time of experimentation before assuming adult roles and responsibilities. A young man or woman may get a job and an apartment and revel in the single life. A young married couple may move in with parents while they finish school or get on their feet or after a job loss. Such traditional developmental tasks as finding stable work and developing long-term romantic relationships may be postponed until the thirties or even later. What influences affect varied paths to adulthood?

    Influences on Paths to Adulthood

    Individual paths to adulthood are influenced by such factors as gender, academic ability, early attitudes towards education, race and ethnicity, expectations in late adolescence, and social class. Increasingly, emerging adults of both sexes extend education and delay parenthood, and these decisions are usually keys to future success on the job as well as to current well-being. In a longitudinal study that followed a nationally representative sample of high school seniors each year since 1975, emerging adults with the highest well-being were not yet married, had no children, attended college, and lived away from their childhood home. In another study, youth who were downwardly mobile tended to leave home earlier, get less support from parents, forgo higher education, and have children earlier. Early parenthood particularly limited future prospects.

    Some emerging adults have more resources - financial and developmental - than others. Much depends on ego development: a combination of ability to understand oneself and one's world, to integrate and synthesize what one perceives and knows, and to take charge of planning one's life course. Family influences are important. Young people whose ego development tended to be "stuck" at a less mature level at age 25 were more likely to have had parents who, at age 14, inhibited their autonomy, devalued them, and were more hostile in conversations. As a result of these and other influences, some emerging adults have more highly developed egos than others and are therefore more ready to learn to stand alone.

    Identity Development in Early Adulthood

    As we discussed [...] Erikson saw the search for identity as a lifelong task focused largely on adolescence. Emerging adulthood offers a moratorium, or time out, from developmental pressures and allows young people the freedom to experiment with various roles and lifestyles. However, it also represents a turning point during which adult role commitments gradually crystallize. In postindustrialized countries today, the active search for identity is more and more likely to extend into emerging adulthood.

    Recentering

    Recentering is a name for the process that underlies the shift to an adult identity. It is the primary task of emerging adulthood. Recentering is a 3-stage process in which power, responsibility, and decision-making gradually shift from the family of origin to the independent young adult. At stage 1, the beginning of emerging adulthood, the individual is still embedded in the family of origin, but expectations for self-reliance and self-directedness begin to increase. In stage 2, during emerging adulthood, the individual remains connected to (and may be financially dependent on) but no longer embedded in within the family of origin. Temporary, exploratory involvements in a variety of college courses, jobs, and intimate partners mark this stage. Toward its end, the individual is moving toward serious commitments and gaining the resources to support them. In stage 3, usually by age 30, the individual moves into young adulthood. This stage is marked by independence from the family of origin (while retaining close ties to it) and commitment to a career, a partner, and possibly children.

    The Contemporary Moratorium

    A fragmented, postindustrial society offers many emerging adults little guidance and less pressure to grow up. They must construct their life course out of the opportunities and constraints they find around them. Not everyone is equally up to the task. In general, there is a shift in goals related to the process of recentering. Many young people shift away from goals related to education, travel, and friends, and toward goals that are health, family, and work related.

    Identity status research has found that only about a third of Western youth seem to go through [...] the moratoruium status, a self-conscious crisis that leads to a resolution. In fact, approximately 15 percent seem to regress during this time, and about half show no significant changes at all. Rather than actively and thoughtfully exploring their identity, many young adults seem to do little active, conscious deliberation, instead taking a passive (diffused) approach or taking the lead from their parents (foreclosure). Nevertheless, about 3 out of 4 settle on some sort of occupational identity by the end of their twenties. Identity confusion persists for 10 to 20 percent, who lack what Erikson called fidelity: faith in something larger than themselves.

  8. #18
    Senior Member danseen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post
    Ok well I guess I can't help you define it unfortunately.

    I know people who do what I described above, avoiding taking responsibility/control for their lives and circumstances and putting off hard decisions... I'd say those people prob do have some growing up to do, but it sounds like your beef with the FB friend is something else and you can't put your finger on it.

    That is the first aspect of maturity, and then, once you've generally got your shit together in terms of internal stuff and also your lifestyle, for most people there is naturally an aspect of "what can I give back?" which yes can be in the form of children, but it can be in terms of career, or volunteering, or any number of things.
    Who says people need to grow up?

    Isn't that just some outdated fuddy duddy morality?

    I'd say adults do "grow", but then for the most part it's largely a facade or prompted by life events (,e.g. job, children, etc.)

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by danseen View Post
    Who says people need to grow up?

    Isn't that just some outdated fuddy duddy morality?

    I'd say adults do "grow", but then for the most part it's largely a facade or prompted by life events (,e.g. job, children, etc.)
    Well if you don't take responsibility for your choices/your life, if you're not an active participant, then you are completely at the mercy of external factors...

    Of course things are gonna happen in life that we can't control, but there is a lot that's within our power, and I think that some people don't want to take on that burden.

    Cause and effect, baby.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  10. #20
    Senior Member danseen's Avatar
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    Yes, life is cause and effect.

    But then the world is at random, and free choice doesn't really exist.

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