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Thread: Anger and guilt

  1. #21
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AzulEyes View Post
    umm is that avatar really you? Very high on the hotness meter.
    No it's not me. That's the highlander, Adrian Paul.

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  2. #22
    Senior Member AzulEyes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    No it's not me. That's the highlander, Adrian Paul.
    Ohhhhh. Well highlander = hot. And Azul = always out of touch with pop culture. lol
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  3. #23
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AzulEyes View Post
    Don't a lot of people with "anger management issues" have some sort of baseline "entitlement" issue? It's MY RIGHT to be in charge of you---- or this outcome ----- How dare someone do it their way---- when it's supposed to be MY WAY!
    The anger types, 8-9-1, show three distinct types of anger, what you mention there is more stereotypical of how an 8 can seem, don't be fooled into thinking 9s and 1s don't have just as much of a problem with it.


    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    9s are like this. Anger? What anger? It's there under the surface - subconscious but not expressed.
    YOU DON'T KNOW ME, MAN!! mutterfasdfasceeygrrrrrflpt


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    @msg_v2

    I already tried overcoming laziness with a combination of rage, anxiety, and industrial music and it seemed to work for a while, but I think I created a lot more problems for myself. I don't suggest you try it because panic attacks suck. Don't be mad at yourself for being lazy, it just creates a vicious cycle within yourself.
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    Senior Member AzulEyes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kasper View Post
    The anger types, 8-9-1, show three distinct types of anger, what you mention there is more stereotypical of how an 8 can seem, don't be fooled into thinking 9s and 1s don't have just as much of a problem with it.




    YOU DON'T KNOW ME, MAN!! mutterfasdfasceeygrrrrrflpt

    I know an 8 that seems like a puppy dog but when enraged, I seriously wonder if he could kill.
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    9s are like this. Anger? What anger? It's there under the surface - subconscious but not expressed.
    And it's annoying, too. Maybe a month or two ago I was just roaming around the house, mind on cooking my dinner, when I suddenly shouted something like "God fucking damnit!!" and slammed my fist against the countertop. Where did that come from?! Surprised the living spitfire out of me.

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    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AzulEyes View Post
    I know an 8 that seems like a puppy dog but when enraged, I seriously wonder if he could kill.
    XD I am a puppy dog according to those around me, but when the ever present anger turns into rage, I seriously wonder if I could kill... no one around me would ever see that

    Point is, anger is a central theme in my emotions so 'anger management issues' are something I have to constantly work on (starting with actually noticing my anger when it first rises), however I do not show my rage to people unfiltered or even at all, therefore you would probably consider me someone who isn't angry and doesn't need to manage it if you met me, my anger isn't about pushing people into doing what I want or feeling entitled.

    I would say you hit with this:

    Quote Originally Posted by AzulEyes View Post
    I think most anger is actually frustration.
    Frustration for not being heard.
    Frustration for things not going your way.
    Frustration for not "winning" the argument.
    Not feeling like you're being heard, or feeling ignored, would be a common cause of 9 anger.
    Not feeling like things are going the way they should, which would be their way, would be a common cause of 1 anger.
    And not feeling like they're winning the argument would be a common cause of 8 anger (also feeling like they're dealing with incompetency in others).

    But consider the difference between depression and rage, both can be a form of anger, one internal the other external and the things mentioned in the OP could easily lead to anger, they're just more likely to come from a core heart or head type imo, or be indirect triggers of anger.

  8. #28
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    I feel very little guilt, or maybe I just feel anger transmogrified. The more I think of the connection, the more fuzzy it gets, that's my 'Turn Back Now' sign.

  9. #29
    Senior Member AzulEyes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kasper View Post
    XD I am a puppy dog according to those around me, but when the ever present anger turns into rage, I seriously wonder if I could kill... no one around me would ever see that

    Point is, anger is a central theme in my emotions so 'anger management issues' are something I have to constantly work on (starting with actually noticing my anger when it first rises), however I do not show my rage to people unfiltered or even at all, therefore you would probably consider me someone who isn't angry and doesn't need to manage it if you met me, my anger isn't about pushing people into doing what I want or feeling entitled.

    I would say you hit with this:



    Not feeling like you're being heard, or feeling ignored, would be a common cause of 9 anger.
    Not feeling like things are going the way they should, which would be their way, would be a common cause of 1 anger.
    And not feeling like they're winning the argument would be a common cause of 8 anger (also feeling like they're dealing with incompetency in others).

    But consider the difference between depression and rage, both can be a form of anger, one internal the other external and the things mentioned in the OP could easily lead to anger, they're just more likely to come from a core heart or head type imo, or be indirect triggers of anger.
    I grew up with an angry parent. One who could be sweet as pie and then fly into a major and scary rage. Never hurt anyone but words can hurt for sure.

    Anyway- I mirrored this behavior and then decided to fix it. I just didn't want to live like that but mostly- I didn't want to alienate people. Because that is what that behavior started to do for me. I love my life now- years and years with anger in check. I CAN fly off the handle occassionally, but I quickly recover. I apologize if I crossed the line and I move on and try to get away from the situation and brew alone- so I don't hurt anyone with my words.

    I really think that it's something we can decide to change. If it's something that makes you uncomfortable or causes you to miss out on things in life (ie. a better relationship with someone - or with people in your life, makes you feel bad etc.) then it is hindering you not helping you.

    For me- when I feel like I am missing something in life for no good reason, I actually GET ANGRY- I use the anger to my advantage and say, "Screw that! I will not allow anger to stop my happiness!" And that is powerful.

    The world is made up ALL kinds of people! Competent, incompetent, those who view the world as you do, those who don't, bad people, good people, nice people, assholes. This is not something you or I can change. It is fact. So accepting people for who they are is a good first step. And then choosing how you react to people is next.

    We cannot control what people say- or what people do. ONLY how we react to them. Will you allow an incompetent person or person not hearing you to make your emotions get the best of you - and throw you into a fit of anger?

    Or will you say, "Screw that! I am choosing not to get angry over this person. They will not have that power over me. Period." And walk away.
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  10. #30
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AzulEyes View Post
    The world is made up ALL kinds of people! Competent, incompetent, those who view the world as you do, those who don't, bad people, good people, nice people, assholes. This is not something you or I can change. It is fact. So accepting people for who they are is a good first step. And then choosing how you react to people is next.

    We cannot control what people say- or what people do. ONLY how we react to them. Will you allow an incompetent person or person not hearing you to make your emotions get the best of you - and throw you into a fit of anger?

    Or will you say, "Screw that! I am choosing not to get angry over this person. They will not have that power over me. Period." And walk away.
    Not what I was getting at. It's great that you've changed negative behaviour, kudos. However your advice on how to do that is applicable to you, and probably 8s, yet not to a 9 (is your gut fix 8?). I kinda don't think that non-gut types can understand what anger is to a gut type, and vice versa for anxiety and shame for the other types. I'm a 9 who is aware of his anger, acknowledges it when it rises, and works out what has caused it so I can do something about it, that right there is growth, however the fact of the matter is anger will always be an issue for me as a gut type just as anxiety will effect head types, it's about how we handle that.

    For a 9 accepting that everyone for who they are is not a difficult thing, actually it's our default, and walking away from anger is also our default, both are things that can be very unhealthy and simply give rise to greater anger later so that is not the answer. The way I experience anger is not comparable to how a 1 or 8 experience it. Anger is different to everyone, and the causes matters.

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