I don't need to be more forgiving with myself, not about that kind of thing. I need to be tougher with myself, and I'm starting to find that I enjoy life better when I am. When I'm not, it always seems to linger in my mind what I should be doing, anyway.
This part rings truer for me. To me it makes no sense that we would evolve something as potentially destructive as anger if it did not have some kind of benefit.
OTOH, there’s the alternative view that anger can be harnessed positively. One attribute of anger is that it usually includes the assumption that you can still do something about the situation. (The alternative is sadness, which results when you know you can do nothing about the outcome, such as when someone dies.) So anger may induce you to re-examine the situation and attack it from a new angle or learn new skills so that you can make a second, more successful run at a project.
To sum up: A good way to view anger is as a normal, healthy reaction to a misalignment between expectations and outcome. From there, you can re-examine the situation and choose one of two possible paths:
I think I can change a lot more things than I would have previously thought possible.A) Realize that your expectation was perhaps unrealistic, and be in a position to accept an unanticipated outcome and move on without wasting a lot of energy and mourning over it. In other words, don’t be overly attached to a single outcome.
B) Decide that you want to take a second run at the problem, but recognize that you need additional resources in order to be more successful next time; and go seek out those resources.