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  1. #31
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by msg_v2 View Post
    Narcissists need to be admired... interesting. Could this mean that they might be threatened by someone they think might be better than them at something important to them? Not that it is or isn't the case, but if they feel a threat?
    I have in the past and still do sometimes. Well not threatened so much as really jealous. But I try to change my feelings because I know it's immature.

    I need to be admired. I think I'm naturally kind of narcissistic, but I've tried to be less so. I'm empathic/empathetic, but I've been kind of selfish with it in the past, being much more interested in what I can get out of it. I still think if I don't have some kind of relationship with someone (which would mean I get something out of it) it's basically someone else's job to act on empathy for other people. Like, unless there's some important ethical situation. It's important to act ethically regardless.

    I become ever less self absorbed as I get older. There are always a bunch of little self improvement and spiritual evolution projects I have at any given moment, and this has been one of them for awhile.

  2. #32
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Cellmold's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    -An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges
    Very true, in the cases this was not true, it required a lot of effort and energy on my part.

    -Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
    Very true, but something I am trying to work on.

    -A lack of psychological awareness (see insight in psychology and psychiatry, egosyntonic)
    Not true

    -Difficulty with empathy
    Sometimes

    -Problems distinguishing the self from others (see narcissism and boundaries)
    Not true

    -Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults (see criticism and narcissists, narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury)
    Sometimes, but you know, apathy.

    -Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt
    No vulnerability to neither, does that mean super narcissist?

    -Haughty body language
    Not true

    -Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them (narcissistic supply)
    Partly true

    -Detesting those who do not admire them (narcissistic abuse)
    Sometimes

    -Using other people without considering the cost of doing so
    Rarily but has happened, I even used people while considered the cost of doing so and still did it.

    -Pretending to be more important than they really are
    All the time, but I try to do so blatantly and obviously. Self-deprecating humor.

    -Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements
    All the time, again though, not particularly subtly, or at least in a way that I feel like my bragging is exposed. Self-deprecating humor.

    -Claiming to be an "expert" at many things
    All the time

    -Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people
    Very true

    -Denial of remorse and gratitude
    True, but as I've said I'm trying to work on this.


    Out of the 16 traits, there are only three I don't identify with at all, a couple I identity with only slightly and most I identify with completely. And I feel both crap as well as awesome about it.
    I relate to a number of these myself though. If I am a narcissist, I am a largely ineffectual one.
    'One of (Lucas) Cranach's masterpieces, discussed by (Joseph) Koerner, is in it's self-referentiality the perfect expression of left-hemisphere emptiness and a precursor of post-modernism. There is no longer anything to point to beyond, nothing Other, so it points pointlessly to itself.' - Iain McGilChrist

    Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
    "Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
    Piglet was comforted by this.
    - A.A. Milne.

  3. #33
    Senior Member AzulEyes's Avatar
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    I feel like some have a low self esteem so are narcisistic in an attempt to rise above that. (Thinking of someone I know when I say this!) And other times they truly think highly of themselves / above others. Ever have a narcisist call you a narcisist? Funny isn't it?
    It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings

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  4. #34
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    So a narcissist isnt a narcissist unless that person also has delusions of grandeur and roots his reasons for being irrationally?

    Im asking because if I am not a narcissist, then I think I may have a serious problem.
    It depends on the definition we are using. Are we talking about the personality disorder or the general definition? There is a difference between meeting the criteria for NPD and being arrogant or highly confident/interested in one's self. I would say that most folks who claim loud and proud that they are a narcissist don't have NPD (like you ). Sometimes they just mean, they aren't slaves to social expectations and living for others.

  5. #35
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by AzulEyes View Post
    I feel like some have a low self esteem so are narcisistic in an attempt to rise above that. (Thinking of someone I know when I say this!) And other times they truly think highly of themselves / above others. Ever have a narcisist call you a narcisist? Funny isn't it?
    Actually, at the core of NPD is constant low self-esteem. That's why they are stuck in a perpetual ego state.

  6. #36
    Senior Member AzulEyes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    Actually, at the core of NPD is constant low self-esteem. That's why they are stuck in a perpetual ego state.
    Makes sense. It's sad really.
    It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings

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  7. #37
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Narcissism vs. Authentic Self-Esteem

    There doesn't really seem to be a definitive answer to this that is agreeable across the board. Burgo (linked blog post^) says it isn't 'authentic' self-esteem.

    Yet in Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff argues narcissists do have high self-esteem and that it's a mistake to think underlying low self-esteem is the problem- because when people have low self-esteem, it's helpful to praise them or share some positive opinion about them....but for narcissists, that's just affirming their delusion of grandeur and making the problem worse.

    So it depends on how one defines/understands 'self-esteem', I guess. [To-MAY-to / To-MAH-to]
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

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  8. #38
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Z Buck McFate View Post
    Narcissism vs. Authentic Self-Esteem

    There doesn't really seem to be a definitive answer to this that is agreeable across the board. Burgo (linked blog post^) says it isn't 'authentic' self-esteem.

    Yet in Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff argues narcissists do have high self-esteem and that it's a mistake to think underlying low self-esteem is the problem- because when people have low self-esteem, it's helpful to praise them or share some positive opinion about them....but for narcissists, that's just affirming their delusion of grandeur and making the problem worse.

    So it depends on how one defines/understands 'self-esteem', I guess. [To-MAY-to / To-MAH-to]
    ahhh thanks. I just remembered what I learned in my psych class.

  9. #39
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Or are they in denial? Maybe they know but don't care? What do you think?
    I think a narcissist is really only one if he/she doesn't know that he/she is acting like one.

    Otherwise, it is just a person being really obnoxious or vain.

    I can be vain because I care about how I appear to others, but that doesn't mean I'm a narcissist.

  10. #40
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rail Tracer View Post
    I think a narcissist is really only one if he/she doesn't know that he/she is acting like one.

    Otherwise, it is just a person being really obnoxious or vain.

    I can be vain because I care about how I appear to others, but that doesn't mean I'm a narcissist.
    i agree with this

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