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  1. #11
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I think I like them all, though sometimes I feel very awkward and am not sure how to respond. I think I'm immune because my mom is so over the top with compliments. She sees it as her duty to build our self-esteem, not realizing that when you gush about someone doing something completely normal it makes them feel less competent rather than more. Her heart is in the right place.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
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  2. #12
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    For some reason I hate it when people say I'm "nice and friendly" -- which might be true, but which I feel doesn't come anywhere close to my essence at all.

    "Weird", on the other hand, is a compliment.
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  3. #13
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    For some reason I hate it when people say I'm "nice and friendly" -- which might be true, but which I feel doesn't come anywhere close to my essence at all.

    "Weird", on the other hand, is a compliment.
    Same here regarding the nice and friendly. It just seems so generic. Almost anyone can be nice or friendly. I want the type of compliment that distinguishes me from others.

    I don't consider weird as a compliment though. I love being called unique though. Weird seems to be unique in a not so flattering way. At least that's the way I interpret it.

    I also dislike being complimented for my hard work or effort, especially if the hard work failed to give me the success I wanted. Again, anyone can put in the effort but fewer succeed as a result. I want to be successful dammit.
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  4. #14
    Glycerine
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    I have a hard time believing any compliments that make me stand out. Some crazy people seem to think I am "brilliant" and "beautiful", and a "strong person". lol Most of the time, I see myself as at best, "average" and "weak".

  5. #15
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    "Cute". The word is harmless for infants and animals, but I can't think of a single instance of healthy behavior in an adult that could fit under the definition of "cute". If it's not a backhanded sneer, they're excusing awkward behavior that shouldn't be excused. People pull this out unfailingly when in my own eyes, I am at my least competent.

    But that's expecting everybody else to have my perspective. If there's anybody who sees/uses this in a friendly manner, it would ease my soul if you said so.
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  6. #16
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    the ones where they compliment you to criticize you. I hear "I think you're great, but you're actually a shit head" just call me a shit head.

  7. #17
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I struggle most with the 'Oh, you're actually kind of smart' compliments. People will sometimes say them in a genuinely surprised fashion, so I know they don't mean anything by it but...yeah. Dumb blonde stereotype ftw. For that matter, it blankets all those 'underdog' compliments. People seems surprised when Im focused, reliable, serious or knowledgable just coz I'm playful. I guess I should stop expecting people to make an effort and look beyond the snapshot of me in their head.

    I also slightly distrust the 'wow you're pretty' kind more, not coz I don't like them, but experience teaches me that they tend to come with ulterior motives.

    Im also uncomfortable when people want to put you on a pedestal in general as you rarely can live up to their expectations, which sets you up for failure and them for disappointment.

    I suspect that I' would also bristle at the 'you look good for your age' ones that tend to be given once women hit 40.
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  8. #18
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    It's not necessary to compliment me because if it's true I'll already know or if it's not I'll know you want something from me.

  9. #19
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    I have a hard time believing any compliments that make me stand out. Some crazy people seem to think I am "brilliant" and "beautiful", and a "strong person". lol Most of the time, I see myself as at best, "average" and "weak".
    Added on to this, I probably dismiss most compliments unless they seem believable to me. I am much more likely to believe criticisms than compliments because criticisms are where much of the truth comes from and then looking at the flipside gives a realistic view of your positives... well, comments on appearance are a crap shoot but things to do with character and ability apply (at least from my perspective).

  10. #20
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    My post from your blog, for the benefit of the rest of the forum (with two small edits to remove context):

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Closest I can come to from my end, in terms of compliments that bug me, would be when people go "You're so smart!" ... it's in response to really, really shallow things -- (and) part of my annoyance comes from
    1) the fact that it's shallow almost to the point of being dumb or no longer valid (I'm so smart because I'm interested in particular things? I'm so smart because I went to a good school?);
    2) it's awkward (what the hell am I supposed to say to that?), because
    3) it's putting a bizarre distance between them and me (as if they think I'm smarter than them? what if that isn't true? why does that even matter???), and
    4) TBH it's putting a huge amount of value into something that I never think about, and twisting that weirdly arbitrary thing into a reason not to want to get any closer to me. Fitting me into a box or something.
    Edit:
    Quote Originally Posted by gromit View Post


    We have been struggling to teach my dad that people might not love when he says "actually... I really liked that food you made" or "that was actually funny", because his tone sort of implies that he wasn't expecting to enjoy it/didn't think the person was capable of being funny.

    But then he says, "I KNOW... that's why it's a compliment, because I wasn't expecting it to be that way, but it was, so I was pleasantly surprised."



    I mean, I can see where he's coming from, but not everyone would interpret it that way.
    Oh god, I do that exact same thing, for the exact same reason.

    What type is your dad btw?
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