Social Rejection Feels like Physical Pain

[Siúil a Rúin]

This is an interesting article:

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/c...ection-feels-like-physical-pain/#.UmQH-EL3C9Z

What do you think experientially? Do you know of any other research of this nature? Discuss.

 

[Honor]

I'm not surprised. I think fear of social pain motivates us as much as fear of physical pain.

 

[baccheion]

I don't even notice social rejection. Maybe I get a little bit annoyed or awe-struck (unexpected rejection). I usually brush it off and say, "whatever."

 

[Tiltyred]

I'm surprised this is any kind of a revelation. I experience it physically in my midsection, a physical ache just under my ribcage. Of course it would register in the brain.

 

[baccheion]

I'm surprised this is any kind of a revelation. I experience it physically in my midsection, a physical ache just under my ribcage. Of course it would register in the brain.

Oh, that's what you're talking about? I experience this sometimes, but it's more like butterflies in that area. I just ignore it.

 

[The Great One]

I'm not surprised. I think fear of social pain motivates us as much as fear of physical pain.

Physical pain hurts me way more than social pain.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

It is an important concept to re-frame emotional harm and abuse. There are definitely forms of physical pain that I would prefer over certain forms of emotional pain.

It would be interesting to scan brains of people in more acute emotional pain and see how it relates to physical pain. It feels more complex and encompassing to me, and there have been times I've resorted to inflicting physical pain on myself in order to reduce the sensation of emotional pain.

 

[Glycerine]

That makes sense. For an extreme case, abandonment and neglect (a form of social rejection) to a little kid is probably as fear-inducing as physical abuse.

 

[Rasofy]

Replace 'my arm' with 'social rejection'.

 

[Tiltyred]

Oh, that's what you're talking about? I experience this sometimes, but it's more like butterflies in that area. I just ignore it.

Ignore a feeling?! *does not compute*

 

[Evo]

It is an important concept to re-frame emotional harm and abuse. There are definitely forms of physical pain that I would prefer over certain forms of emotional pain.

It would be interesting to scan brains of people in more acute emotional pain and see how it relates to physical pain. It feels more complex and encompassing to me, and there have been times I've resorted to inflicting physical pain on myself in order to reduce the sensation of emotional pain.

I am the opposite. Physical pain is like a huge deal to me. Emotional pain has no comparison.

I am willing to be strung along an emotional roller coaster.

I am not willing to be strung along a physically painful roller coaster. I have a very low tolerance for pain.

 

[Tiltyred]

Babies die from not being handled. "Failure to thrive"

 

[kelric]

In most ways, I'm the opposite from what others here have said -- I'm *much* more sensitive to social or emotional pain than physical pain. Enough so that I most definitely take conscious (and likely unconscious) steps to avoid it, even when it winds up being bad for me in the long run.

I mean, I don't like physical pain any more than anyone else does. But often it's understandable, and hence addressable. If I go to the gym and hurt myself (and I'm not, like, pulling from actual experiences here, no, not at all *cough*), it's largely a matter of understanding that I've done something wrong, leveraging my knowledge about how to address it (rest, go to a doctor to get it treated, etc.) and not something that I dwell on overmuch. It's very much an acute thing... I *expect* that it can be fixed, or addressed in a substantial way. I trust that I can get help from professionals, if needed, and that I will heal just fine. It's notable that I also believe that I can count on friends/family for emotional support in these cases.

Emotional or social pain, on the other hand, just crushes me. Rejection, particularly when there are overtones of "you're not good enough, kelric", is something that I don't handle well at all. That can be personal ("I'm sorry, I just don't think of you in that way"), professional ("We've decided to go with another candidate"), etc. - but I tend not to get over such things easily, and it's extremely easy for me to dwell on them for weeks or months. In these cases, I *don't* believe that friends/family will support me -- I tend to think that they'll "join in" and side with whoever/whatever has rejected me. The whole situation just throws me into a major funk that it's hard to recover from. And as such, I tend to avoid circumstances where I could be conceivably be put in that position. I'm much more likely to take a physical risk than an emotional/social one. Probably the largest failure in my life is the lack of ability to overcome this.

But skydiving? Sign me up .

Short answer... yes. I believe this wholeheartedly.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

No. Sorry. Sticks and stones can hurt my bones, names can't hurt anyone. Fact. Everyone knows that.

 

[Redbone]

Physical pain isn't a big deal...I'm usually not very aware of it until it becomes overwhelming (which in turn triggers panic). I faced a lot of social rejection growing up. Maybe social rejection isn't the thing here for me--it was constantly being judged that I got sick of. The culture, neighborhood, etc., I grew up in was very conservative. I was rejected a lot for being so different...people are cruel...what kind of an adult tells a child to their face that they're strange or weird? I'd get in trouble for that--my mother would tell me to act 'more normal'. Lots of encouragement to NOT be myself. It got a little better in my early teens, then got really bad when I went off to college. It got worse after I was married, too. I just tucked myself away from people because I was sick of it and sick with shame. Sick of the constant judgement about who I should be, what I should be doing, dressing, feeling, etc.

It's not until very recently that I got over all that crap and decided to just be myself...come what may. So now I feel a kind of indifference toward it. I'm not one for groups so I don't get pressed about not getting into a 'group'. If I get rejected on a one-to-one thing, I tell myself there are all kinds of reasons why things didn't work out. Sometimes people just don't mix well and more often than not, it's something that they've got going on because so much of our so-called interaction is really personal stuff that is temporarily sparked by others. Yeah, it can hurt but this reminder helps me from being engulfed by it and thinking that I am awful somehow.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I often wonder about the subconscious aspect of emotional pain. There is a way that people can suppress hurts and not experience these consciously, but they still have their effect. If not feeling emotional pain is part of a self-image, which it can be for some "T's", there can be an issue of subconscious harm. Then there are people who are honestly detached from a great deal of emotional rejection, but no one is immune from all of it. If someone declares that, then you can be pretty sure there is some degree of subconscious processing going on.

Edit: When it is subconscious, there is typically some reason it cannot be faced in its original context. When that happens, there is a re-contextualizing of it, and instead of standing up to their boss, the person may come online and holler at folks, or take it out on their partner, or pet, or stranger, etc. In extreme cases, some people remain calm and rational, but learn to push other people's buttons and end up making other people express the emotion they are feeling subconsciously, but are unwilling to admit.

 

[cafe]

The difference for me, is that the memory of physical pain fades fairly quickly and completely. Social pain, if I think about a situation, the pain, the humiliation and shame, almost comes back full force even if it's something that happened when I was in kindergarten. It's one of the very sucky features of being a member of a social species, IMO.

 

[Amargith]

No. Sorry. Sticks and stones can hurt my bones, names can't hurt anyone. Fact. Everyone knows that.

Interesting. Do you know what one of the main reasons is that some people cut on themselves?

 

[Stansmith]

I can tune out physical pain quite easily in comparison to emotional pain.

 

[Julius_Van_Der_Beak]

Interesting. Do you know what one of the main reasons is that some people cut on themselves?

No, but I'm not sure if you realize that I was being sarcastic.

I heard this all the time growing up, and I always thought it was kind of bullshit, especially because it usually did bug me more than stubbing my toe or whatever. (Never broken any bones, so I can't attest to what that feels like.) This kind of confirms it.

I think I'm responsible if what I say bothers someone, it's just that sometimes I'm not good at anticipating what will bother someone. Or I'll say something, and then as soon as I hear it come out of mouth, I'll realize that I said that all wrong. My idea itself wasn't objectionable, but my word choice was unfortunate. I think in denotations, and it seems to me like Fi thinks more in connotations. Maybe I shouldn't blurt things out like that, but I find if I think too much about what my words will be, I won't end up saying anything at all. So I kind of like being around people with who I'm free to blurt things out like that (as a general rule. I'm sure there are exceptions.).

If I create a misunderstanding, I'm comfortable with clearing up a misunderstanding.