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  1. #51
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    also...it might not hurt to get checked out. you might need pills for depression.

    i know a couple intps that have had rage issues. it's literally like their feeling function is just stunted and they don't know how to control them. so it looks sort of like a lil toddler tantrum...to me. not meant to be rude.

    one of them is on medication and has been for years. he's like almost teddy bear like now. super friendly and outgoing and things just roll off his back. super patient etc. he's also probably twice your age tho.

    the other one...still has baby tantrums.

  2. #52
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    hey i've taken vilarian a lot too! they do help.

    you can also take st johns wart for an overall better mood feeling.

    i think your writing things down will help a lot

    but mostly it's an attitude shift that you can do...in your own brain.

    at least i think...but maybe it's not the method for everyone.
    what's the attitude shift to be done?
    RobertCalifornia: TL thinks im black
    RobertCalifornia: shes my homegurl
    Hive: arent you
    SpankyMcfly: wait... you arent?

    thoughtlost: I am not really religious. I just like getting free stuff from churches.

  3. #53
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
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    op, i hope there are going to be good answers in this thread because i'm kinda wound up too...although, i'm not sure if i have the exact same issue as you. i'm just kind of like a hermione granger/bree van de kamp type of person and the perfectionism/drivenness can lead to a lot of pent-up frustration, resentment, etc.
    RobertCalifornia: TL thinks im black
    RobertCalifornia: shes my homegurl
    Hive: arent you
    SpankyMcfly: wait... you arent?

    thoughtlost: I am not really religious. I just like getting free stuff from churches.

  4. #54
    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    Can't find a job that isn't littlered with broken goodie two shoe nobodies?

    Make one. Stop allowing yourself to be in a begging position all the time.

    It is way more impressive to an employer when you don't actually need them. I'm an employer, I'd know.

    You don't need therapy. You need to empower yourself instead of making yourself your employer's bitch and living in fear that you'll get fired for being yourself. You show your boss exactly who you are, and if they hire you for that, then they're not going to fire you over those reasons.
    Good post. Thanks. I do feel myself becoming more 8ish, which I think is a good sign. I don't feel myself becoming more 7ish, at least.

    And yeah, being my own boss is an idea I entertain every now and then, but I never really explored it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Hello msg. I really admire your dedication to self-exploration and problem-solving. idk, I just really liked the idea of jotting down what upset you after each customer interaction, etc.

    I recently told another member that you are the only counterphobic example of a 5w6 that I know of on this site (jimfixmix may be another but I'm not sure.) iow, just from some of the more challenging interactions I've seen you involved in on the forum... I can't explain all of what I've seen using e8 alone.

    While there are always exceptions I imagine...it appears e8 most often provides e5 with the slow enduring burn of self-righteous indignation ha (which does assist e5s in getting out into the world btw.) Out of you comes that higher frequency cp anger...and as an INTP it's kinda skiddish in a way and bouncing all over the place.
    Anyway, maybe look over a couple of e6cp descriptions to see if you are experiencing rage in the same way.
    Actuallly, I think you're onto something. I think my 6 wing is really counterphobic. I didn't realize it was rare, but there you go. I mean, I suppose 5w6 in general is rarer.
    [Trump's] rhetoric is not an abuse of power. In the same way that it's also not against the law to do a backflip off of the roof of your house onto your concrete driveway. It's just mind-numbingly stupid and, to say the least, counterproductive. - Bush did 9-11


    This is not going to go the way you think....

    Visit my Johari:
    http://kevan.org/johari?name=Birddude78

  5. #55
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    I think most frustration occurs when we put off a crucial decision we don't want to make. Frustration and rage use mental energy and time inefficiently.

    Decide what you want to do about it: embrace (accept it calmly) or change it. Once you've made the decision, you can direct your energy toward the solution.

    Sometimes, the best approach is to do both: embrace the situation while changing it.

  6. #56
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    hey i've taken vilarian a lot too! they do help.

    you can also take st johns wart for an overall better mood feeling.

    i think your writing things down will help a lot

    but mostly it's an attitude shift that you can do...in your own brain.

    at least i think...but maybe it's not the method for everyone.
    Damiana works good too.

  7. #57
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by msg_v2 View Post
    Actuallly, I think you're onto something. I think my 6 wing is really counterphobic. I didn't realize it was rare, but there you go. I mean, I suppose 5w6 in general is rarer.
    Well, I'm your cousin from right across the river Six. See, I'm waving to you from the banks of Seven

    It's interesting because I can see JAVOs post below and while I agree that putting off decisions can be a major point of frustration for e5s...this isn't the stuff that is setting you off in the moment. You are becoming enraged for all the reasons I become enraged...abuses of power and authority, people being willfully and conveniently blind...in general ...and to the ways in which they exploit/use others, liars, suck-ups, people lacking in courage...these should all be very familiar to you ha.

    And yes, counterphobia in the way it is being discussed here is rare.

  8. #58
    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Well, I'm your cousin from right across the river Six. See, I'm waving to you from the banks of Seven

    It's interesting because I can see JAVOs post below and while I agree that putting off decisions can be a major point of frustration for e5s...this isn't the stuff that is setting you off in the moment. You are becoming enraged for all the reasons I become enraged...abuses of power and authority, people being willfully and conveniently blind...in general ...and to the ways in which they exploit/use others, liars, suck-ups, people lacking in courage...these should all be very familiar to you ha.
    How do you know that? I'm not saying that it's entirely inaccurate, but I think there's more to it than that. There's something else going on. Sometimes my reasons are things I'm semi-comfortable, like feeling like people are being stupid. Other times I'm just annoyed about something petty like the sound of someone's voice. Why should it make any difference to me the sound of someone's voice? But it does. A lot of it is stuff I know I shouldn't be getting mad about.
    [Trump's] rhetoric is not an abuse of power. In the same way that it's also not against the law to do a backflip off of the roof of your house onto your concrete driveway. It's just mind-numbingly stupid and, to say the least, counterproductive. - Bush did 9-11


    This is not going to go the way you think....

    Visit my Johari:
    http://kevan.org/johari?name=Birddude78

  9. #59
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by msg_v2 View Post
    How do you know that? I'm not saying that it's entirely inaccurate, but I think there's more to it than that. There's something else going on. Sometimes my reasons are things I'm semi-comfortable, like feeling like people are being stupid. Other times I'm just annoyed about something petty like the sound of someone's voice. Why should it make any difference to me the sound of someone's voice? But it does. A lot of it is stuff I know I shouldn't be getting mad about.
    I wasn't trying to suggest that cp will account for everything in your experience. It won't. But I definitely believe it would be worth your time to look into. And yes, it can explain things like why you dislike someone with a passion for 'no reason.'

    Gotta run.

  10. #60
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    the most anger that i've witnessed in other people seems to come from expectations of other people. the expectation that one might answer you in a certain way, or ask something in a certain way etc etc

    my best advice is to let it go

    realize everyone is just operating in the best way they know how and are not out to get you, they are not trying to piss you off and it's likely not just them being inconsiderate.

    also realize...being wrong doesn't make someone an asshole.

    so when you find yourself feeling angry...be your own therapist.

    ask why.

    take it as a challenge to learn compassion and patience.

    and silently thank them for the lesson.
    Yes, this. It's important to be aware of one's expectations. An overwhelming "other people are shitty" feeling can come from not having our own needs met- it’s a perfectly valid feeling and there’s always a reason for it, but so long as we’re not willing to look for that reason in ourselves it’s going to look like something in the external world is making us feel bad. <- It’s not, it’s our reaction to the outside world that’s making us feel bad. And the outside world isn’t going to change for us on its own. It's important to stop and figure out what our needs are (and why they aren't being met) so that we can zero in on fixing that deficit.

    Quote Originally Posted by msg_v2 View Post
    Today, after every call, I've been writing down everything that annoy me, no matter how petty. Interestingly, this makes me less annoyed afterwards.
    This is exactly what I would have suggested.

    Thich Nhat Hahn compares anger to a crying baby: it’s a tendency to want to ignore it until it goes away- but neglect doesn’t fix the problem. The more you ignore a crying baby, the louder it’s going to cry. And when you try to ignore angry feelings- it may feel initially like they pass after a short time BUT they really do get louder and louder each time they resurface (and they resurface more easily, about more things) when ‘ignore’ is the default. I think one of the reasons people get to the point where EVERYTHING makes them angry is because so much effort is put into trying to ignore anger in the first place.

    There’s always a reason for anger. As much as it might seem like that reason is ‘outside’ of you, the anger and the reason for it are actually inside. I think it’s a totally common trap to blame others for some way in which we aren’t taking care of ourselves. Instead of thinking, “this is too petty and it shouldn’t make me angry”- realize that it does make you angry and think about why, and don’t expect a ‘why’ that feels correct to surface immediately. It’s a step in the right direction to simply and honestly acknowledge everything that makes you angry, acknowledge it’s a valid feeling and there’s some reason for it (even if you don’t know what that reason is right away).

    The ability to let it go (like lady x mentioned in the above quote)- and to realize that everyone is operating from they best place they know how- is something that comes from building acceptance for that anger in the first place. It’s not really a choice someone can make (to ‘choose’ to let it go), it’s an ability that needs to be cultivated. It’s not going to happen overnight from a realization. It’s like a muscle that needs to be built from having that realization over and over and over again- until it becomes part of your cognitive autopilot.

    /is hoping she doesn't sound too preachy, but also doesn't really feel like taking the time to figure out how to not sound preachy.....*J*
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

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