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Borderline Personality Disorder

AzulEyes

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Just stop being a victim and acting like a martyr. Step away or find a way to protect yourself if he's crossing boundaries. He clearly has issues but it's really not your responsibility. You seem way too emotionally entrenched in this situation and you seem desperate for people to validate it by using the BPD diagnosis.

I can see you were trying to help but having a mentality of "saving him" puts you in a "superior" position over him and it's not going to help. He has to hit rock bottom or truly understand the gravity of the situation.

See- I am a "martyr" and "victim." I see with these individuals, I am not allowed to have suffered or seek assistance for my suffering. It is only about them- not the damage they do. This is truly horrible. And I will say this. If you are about to embark into any situation with someone that displays qualities of BPD--- run your damn ass off. They are essentially posessed by the devil.
:p
 
G

Glycerine

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Well, you have the power to get out of the situation, don't you? Is he manipulating you to maintain the "friendship"? That's what I mean by "stop being the victim". Also, "trying to save him" and "I did everything I could but he just won't accept help" mentalities seem a bit martyr-ish. Sometimes, people are fucked up but they don't want your help. It's almost masochistic to keep up that dynamic.
 

AzulEyes

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Well, you have the power to get out of the situation, don't you? Is he manipulating you to maintain the "friendship"? That's what I mean by "stop being the victim". Also, "trying to save him" and "I did everything I could but he just won't accept help" mentalities seem a bit martyr-ish. Sometimes, people are fucked up but they don't want your help. It's almost masochistic to keep up that dynamic.

Yes- and I know what you mean. I am emotionally in shock right now and hurt. I am trying to crawl my way out of the hole. I'm actually proud of myself- as I see the light. It's just not as easy as dismissing it like that. I hate calling myself a victim- but the reality is, I suffered extreme manipulation and abuse that I finally recognize and am trying to deal with. Thanks.
 

AzulEyes

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Thank you- will read and OMG so eery!!!!! Before I saw your post, I JUST READ this one from the same site- omg- it is the best article on it to date for me. It encapsulates the experience I had perfectly and does not dishonor my feelings in the matter. Amazing. It is going to help me continue to deal and recover from this experience.

http://www.shrink4men.com/2011/12/05/predator-detection-and-the-devil-of-plurality-personality-disorders-and-the-nature-of-good-and-evil/
 
G

Glycerine

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Yes- and I know what you mean. I am emotionally in shock right now and hurt. I am trying to crawl my way out of the hole. I'm actually proud of myself- as I see the light. It's just not as easy as dismissing it like that. I hate calling myself a victim- but the reality is, I suffered extreme manipulation and abuse that I finally recognize and am trying to deal with. Thanks.
That really sucks. Regardless of his potential diagnoses, it sounds like a toxic situation and "friendship". I apologize for dismissing your traumatic experience. It's scary how one person can have such an impact on our lives. Despite my harsh posts, I wish you luck.
 

AzulEyes

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That really sucks. Regardless of his potential diagnoses, it sounds like a toxic situation and "friendship". I apologize for dismissing your traumatic experience. It's scary how one person can have such an impact on our lives. Despite my harsh posts, I wish you luck.

No problem and thanks so much. I know my posts are harsh because I am raw right now. And truly- every post on here has helped me. I know this is not a self help board- but I do appreciate everyone here and their contributions to this thread. As you can imagine, it's complicated. I am actually a fairly mature and strong person- but this really socked me in the gut. :( And I think I was really caught up in the mind games- giving benefit of the doubt for far too long. I seriously feel a bit foolish at the moment, hurt and in shock. Thanks again so much.
 

AzulEyes

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I am doing so much better. Particularly when I finally found some resources that validate my feelings. I have rights. I do not have to sign my rights away to someone because they have "a disorder." Get the f outa here. Do school shooters get a "get out of jail free card" cuz their momma didn't hug them? No. They big fat don't. I don't give a crap if anyone wants to tell me I'm a horrible person for not allowing a BPD to paint me black and accept it. He can paint me black, white, purple, pink----either way- whatever he paints me stinks cuz it's a dillusion. I know I did the best I could. I was MORE forgiving than I should have been. And I took abuse. And I now know these situations are absoutely FUTILE. They never get better. Rarely. And it has to come from them. Not from anyone else on the planet.

So .... I'm no longer drowning.

I'm on dry land.

I'm making myself a yummy cocktail.

And Ima lie here in the sun.

And draining people need not apply. But if anyone wants to lie next to me and have a cocktail too ..... you are more than welcome.

 

prplchknz

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I worry I might be borderline, but i;m told repeatly that i'm not.
 

AzulEyes

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I worry I might be borderline, but i;m told repeatly that i'm not.

Since I've been experiencing what I've been experiencing, you are always welcome- if you want - to PM me to talk about it. :)
 

prplchknz

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I relate to these symptoms
Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees or illegal drug use
Awareness of destructive behavior, including self-injury, but sometimes feeling unable to change it (I don't self injure though)
Wide mood swings
Short but intense episodes of anxiety or depression
Inappropriate anger and antagonistic behavior, sometimes escalating into physical fights
Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
Suicidal behavior
Feeling misunderstood, hopeless
Feelings of self-hate and self-loathing

but not these
feeling neglected, alone
Fear of being alone

but i really don't know if they're bad enough for me to be BPD
 

AzulEyes

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I relate to these symptoms
Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees or illegal drug use
Awareness of destructive behavior, including self-injury, but sometimes feeling unable to change it (I don't self injure though)
Wide mood swings
Short but intense episodes of anxiety or depression
Inappropriate anger and antagonistic behavior, sometimes escalating into physical fights
Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
Suicidal behavior
Feeling misunderstood, hopeless
Feelings of self-hate and self-loathing

but not these
feeling neglected, alone
Fear of being alone

but i really don't know if they're bad enough for me to be BPD


Anything I say is completely subjective as I'm not a doctor. So my layman's initial reaction to what you wrote does NOT make me think you are BPD (not saying you aren't- but just saying I'm not thinking that yet just based on that) because I really think the CORE of BPD is abandonment issues. All that other stuff sprouts from this core. I know people that exhibit the things you talk about---- and they are not at all BPD. (I used to have anger issues which I have overcome years and years ago- so happy about that.)

Also- at BPD's core is a stunting of emotional growth. They are emotionally immature. I truly believe that emotionally, my BPD friend is about 5 or 6 years old. I do not say this lightly or in a joking manner. In all other phases of his life, he is stellar, strong, amazing. Emotionally broken are those with BPD.
 

prplchknz

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Anything I say is completely subjective as I'm not a doctor. So my layman's initial reaction to what you wrote does NOT make me think you are BPD (not saying you aren't- but just saying I'm not thinking that yet just based on that) because I really think the CORE of BPD is abandonment issues. All that other stuff sprouts from this core. I know people that exhibit the things you talk about---- and they are not at all BPD. (I used to have anger issues which I have overcome years and years ago- so happy about that.)

Also- at BPD's core is a stunting of emotional growth. They are emotionally immature. I truly believe that emotionally, my BPD friend is about 5 or 6 years old. I do not say this lightly or in a joking manner. In all other phases of his life, he is stellar, strong, amazing. Emotionally broken are those with BPD.

yeah that's not me at all.
 

AzulEyes

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yeah that's not me at all.

Good. And the fact that you are wanting to figure it out so openly screams to me that it's not either. So I would say try not to put a label on yourself and just try to address issues you are not comfortable with. (ie having anger outbursts.) For me--- when it was brought to my attention, it was like a slap in the face as I did not even realize I was doing it. I took a hard look in the mirror and it was an AH HA moment in my life- thank God. For the better. :)
 

yeghor

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NECRO'D...

Found this old post about unhealthy version of ESFP... I think the description fits that of someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder... There have been some recent threads about emotional abuse and relationship advice... ESFPs may be prone to this condition... I had a female coworker (ESFP I guess) once that exhibited the bolded...

 

Opal

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This is an interesting subject. [MENTION=15728]AzulEyes[/MENTION], I'm curious, how did you let him know he was hurting you?
 

AzulEyes

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This is an interesting subject. [MENTION=15728]AzulEyes[/MENTION], I'm curious, how did you let him know he was hurting you?

I flat out told him and it threw him into a talespin. I don't believe he is capable of acknowledging my feelings, that I have feelings, that my feelings matter. It is always ALWAYS only about HIM. And it's everyone else's fault.

I never got the closure that most people would want in situations that are painful. He was never capable of giving it to me. I'm still trying to heal from the insanity.
 

Opal

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I flat out told him and it threw him into a talespin. I don't believe he is capable of acknowledging my feelings, that I have feelings, that my feelings matter. It is always ALWAYS only about HIM. And it's everyone else's fault.

I never got the closure that most people would want in situations that are painful. He was never capable of giving it to me. I'm still trying to heal from the insanity.

Huh. I wonder how you phrased it and what exactly he did in response. No worries if that's too personal though.

(I'd be happy to PM, but I understand if you'd rather not)
 
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LadyLazarus

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Hmm, I think my father may suffer from this, I've suspected it for quite a while actually...
 

AzulEyes

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Huh. I wonder how you phrased it and what exactly he did in response. No worries if that's too personal though.

(I'd be happy to PM, but I understand if you'd rather not)

Well- it was a complex set of circumstances that took place. I remember one time being very clear about the pain it was causing me. He pretended I was crazy- like did a gaslighting thing on me. Another time- I chose to be very calm and almost apologetic- just in hopes of getting some sort of reaction that I could work with- and I was essentially given the silent treatment. Very crazy reactions that I'm not accustomed to. Honestly- I have been in relationships that had really normal back&forth type of interaction. With Mr. BPD, it almost seems surreal like, "Is he REALLY doing this???" Like I would actually think that this must be a joke because grown people do not behave this strangely- but yes- grown people with personality disorders very much act really crazy. Almost like dealing with a delusional 5 year old.

I know I'm not getting as specific as you might need me to- sorry. I think I was sort of traumatized by the entire experience of our "blow up(s.)"
 
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