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Shying away from private messaging...

The Ü™

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Do any of you ever feel shy when setting out to contact someone via the PM feature? I don't know if it's just me, but I tend to steer away from that kind of talking and I use it as little as possible, although not only because the amounts of PMs I can send are limited.

Also, in PMing, I am normally the PM recipient rather than the sender.

Does anyone else share this sort of feeling?
 

Totenkindly

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I'm probably more extroverted in PM than I am in public forum.

Does it feel more intimate to you... thus more revealing, personal, and scary?
 

disregard

mrs
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I'm not shy of PMing. I enjoy reaching out and having a discussion with friends of mine on here. I am delighted when I receive PMs from people I don't talk to often.
 

prplchknz

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I usually don't send pms, but I have when I need to clarify a misunderstanding. I do reply back to pms. So I don't usually initiate.
 

spirilis

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Yeah, I'm more shy of posting in public (due to worrying about the consequences of whatever it is I'm saying) than PM, where I feel more laissez-faire about my content and style.
 

The Ü™

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I'm probably more extroverted in PM than I am in public forum.

Does it feel more intimate to you... thus more revealing, personal, and scary?

Well, it's not like I'm a stranger to TMI moments, but it's just that most of my PMs have been about business (of sorts).

How I got this thread concept was by noticing how so many members from different MBTI forums do a lot of private messaging (by looking at their user pages), so I started to think that maybe PMing wasn't for business or reporting technical problems, but for more personal conversations. Somehow, that's what I thought most of them were about.

I'm not very good at initiating conversations like that, but apparently, more people are than I thought.
 

colmena

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I'm the same as the OP. It doesn't make sense to me, it feels good receiving them, and I'm quite confident once they're in motion, but I'm unlikely to send one for fear of being obtrusive.

I feel similarly towards rep (is that right?) and commenting on peoples' pictures. I'm guessing it's an English prudishness mixed with introversion taking me into the irrational.
 

Totenkindly

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...I'm not very good at initiating conversations like that, but apparently, more people are than I thought.

Oh. Wow.

well... yeah.

I have 5000 PMs in my inbox (either coming in or going out) from the last year, and some are extremely long, and the majority are NOT about business.
 

Randomnity

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I'm the same as the OP. ..I'm quite confident once they're in motion, but I'm unlikely to send one for fear of being obtrusive.
+1

I don't PM often, probably because generally (always?) I haven't initiated it.
 

The Ü™

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This is interesting.

I'm starting to wonder things now, not about others' private conversations but of how I come across to others who PM me.

I've gotten several PMs from members who seem to want to chat, but I just never know how to respond, so I just read the messages but that's as far as it goes. I just don't know how to respond. So now I'm wondering if maybe this contributes to others getting the impression that I'm pushing them away.

I've also got messages from people at social networking sites (namely AnxietyTribe) where people told me I could feel free to chat, and while it's not PMing, I think, psychologically, it's the same principle. I read the messages, but I didn't know how to respond. As a result, I got removed from their contact lists and such.

I find it easier to talk about myself and draw the crowd towards me -- I don't know how to do it the other way around.

I am just startled over how many people here use the feature for intimate conversations.

(Oh, and I wasn't sure where this thread should go, so move it where necessary.)
 

MacGuffin

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I've gotten several PMs from members who seem to want to chat, but I just never know how to respond, so I just read the messages but that's as far as it goes. I just don't know how to respond. So now I'm wondering if maybe this contributes to others getting the impression that I'm pushing them away.
Answer: yes.
 

Orangey

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+1

I don't PM often, probably because generally (always?) I haven't initiated it.

Same. I will respond to incoming PM's just fine, but I would almost never send one unsolicited on my own.
 

disregard

mrs
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Yes, I too do not like to intrude, and avoid initiating a PM unless it's a close friend or business.
 

Geoff

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It's like there's an "ok" list. Once someone is on my ok to PM list, it's ok to PM. Until they are, it feels a little like intruding to initiate.
 

Uytuun

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It hardly ever occurs to me to PM someone.
 

The Ü™

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It's interesting because I once got a PM from a member who seemed inviting in this context, but in the public forum, this person continued to have a bitter hostility against me and it was kind of confusing.

Part of my lack of responding to this particular message had to do with the contradictory nature between public and private, part had to do with my loss of words, and part of it had to do with my suspicion aroused by the facts.
 

Clover

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Yeah, I don't go on instant messengers very often anymore. I only chatted with a few people anyway, but they faded from the internet long ago. I don't mind PMs though, but I rarely, if ever, send them myself. :p
 

colmena

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I'll go for a long walk by the sea on my own about once a week. I usually sit down on the pebbles and watch the sea for forty minutes or so before getting up and walking back. Sometimes I have the sort of romantic fantasy where a nice girl would just come up to me uninhibited and say hi. And just either sit with me, or have a weird but not awkward conversation.

Sometimes when I go out for a walk, I see a girl on her own. I assume she's probably similar to me (they're quite rare). But I could never go up and say hi, or just sit with them.
 
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