After reading a few of the responses here, I understand why I haven't gotten responses to some of my PMs. I usually don't respond to short rep messages, but I always respond to PMs. I initiate them fairly often, too.
On the few times I have sent a PM and gotten no response, I have wondered a long time why that was. I have a better idea of it now, though I still do not know for sure. I feel kinda shy about PMing them now.
I have sent PMs to people because something they said touched me, and I wanted to give them feedback. A couple of times In return I have received deep personal witnessing that was vulnerable and expressive of their human experience, and I have no words to say how much I value that. Those are moments of ineffable beauty to me.
I find that PM’s are where real (cyber) friendships can start, I’m less guarded about personal information and feelings away from the boards. There are a number of people that I communicate with via PM on an almost daily basis elsewhere and I feel as though I’ve been able to get to know them very well.
As for initiating, well I don’t normally but I always respond, there are a few people that I’ve initiated conversations with but only after interacting on the forum first and feeling as though the opportunity for conversation is there.
Personally I prefer PM’s to MSN as it’s not so distracting, most people I speak to are in the States and the time zone means I’m at work when they’re on line, my bosses don’t appreciate me chatting all day :rolli:
Ok, Falcarius has a confession... He have never initiated a 'personal message' with any other member of MBTIc other than a few of the madmin, even then it was so they would feel wanted. Also, he has only ever gave something like one comment for every ten received in the 'comment section'.
Falcarius used to ignore most of the personal messages that did not ask him a direct question. He keeps getting these odd messages from new people saying how they have been lurking for a while and wanted to let him know how much they love his funny stories; Falcarius never knows how to reply.
One day someone personal messaged Falcarius and told him that she thought he had the coolest profile on the whole of this forum. She also mentioned how he also voted for the 'weird option' in a poll in which the question was what type was she. Just thinking about it makes him feel woebegone as he has not seen her post since; he wonders if it is his fault.:confused:
Ever since the incident he just mentioned before Falcarius has replied to nearly all his personal messages even the one from a self-described "weird" individual who was naturally interested in other "different" things. And an Australian called something strange like Qantassaurus, she seems to be a bit lost and ended up in the same forest as Falcarius.
Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest
Oh our 3rd person reference to ourselves denotes nothing more than we realize we are epic characters on the forum.
One day someone personal messaged Falcarius and told him that she thought he had the coolest profile on the whole of this forum. She also mentioned how he also voted for the 'weird option' in a poll in which the question was what type was she. Just thinking about it makes him feel woebegone as he has not seen her post since; he wonders if it is fault.:confused:
Methinks Falcarius is probably innocent of this offense.
I don't initiate PMs very often. I can't say I only PM my good friends, because that's not true. I have gotten to know a few people on this list and others very well through PMing them. I recommend it if it feels comfortable to you.
I've also sent PMs once or twice to people and never gotten a response. Being Fi, it sometimes hurts and is a little confusing. But, whatever. I've got other fish to fry.
There's reason to be afraid, and reason to open your heart. ~ Seal
I PM people when I feel moved to say something but may not necessarily want to post to the board either because it feels more private or I don't want to side track the thread that much or I am responding to a rep comment.
I do not necessarily expect them to respond automatically, only if they also feel moved to. I hope that no one has felt that they MUST respond to me because that would make me feel like I had been invasive which I do NOT intend.
If someone does not respond, I just assume that either they didn't feel moved to reply back or they were busy at the time or whatever. I don't automatically assume it was a slight against me or that I need to write that person off or anything. It is just message board communications and gosh here of all places things ought to be more free and easy going than in real life. The only time I would write someone off is if they express clearly to me that they dislike me or hurl abusive language at me.
I do not always respond to other people's PM right away. This is not because I don't take them seriously, but moreso because I want to wait for a time when I can say what I want in a more careful fashion, to give it more thought.
This is pure speculation on my part but I think that extroverts would be more inclined to utilize PM.
I can only speak for myself as an introvert on this, but I find PMs a more comfortable way to talk in many cases because I equate it to a one-on-one conversation where I just feel more comfortable talking about certain things and also I like not feeling obligated to stay on-topic (some of my PMs are just because I want to comment or branch a thread on a tangent and don't want to de-rail the existing one) Sometimes I do feel awkward about sending a PM to someone (the more personal the nature of what I want to discuss the more second thoughts I have before clicking send, but I usually consider the potential conversation more worthwhile than the fear of reaction or silence).
I think I actually feel more awkward using PMs for business purposes (ie: Mod - please delete/edit xyz in abc post) than I do using them for normal communications (adminaphobia acquired from working under a tyrannical network admin for several years in a previous job )