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  1. #11
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    I think it's the double validation of feeling like they're genuinely helping others as well as feeling like they've adhered to their personal standards/values. Definitely sometimes it's selfish and unnecessary, but I also think it can be beneficial if it's addressing something that is having or could turn into a serious negative impact on others, like someone not watching their children in a dangerous area.

  2. #12
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    Great answers to the "why?" question. Here's another one: codependency.

    __

    Does the old lady in the OP think that she would influence everyone? That one of the kids that she derides will think -- "Oh, hey, epiphany. Wait a minute. That lady's right! What have I been doing with my life? From now on, I'm going to wear bowler hats and tuxedos. I'm going home right now to throw away these faded jeans and resurface in gentleman's clothing." ?

    Please.

    But what about those who haven't yet learned to distinguish meaningful, meritous critique from yammering bullshit; who aren't yet able to trust themselves, their autonomy, and their own decisions; and those who believe that they ought to try to appease everyone, sacrificing their own well-being in the process? They're prey for invaders.

  3. #13
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Their basic motivation is not to change the world, but to feed a sense of moral superiority.

    Feeding starving kids in Africa is too much work, so people improvise.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


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  4. #14
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Social people are going to be social in all aspects. You can't really be a true friend to someone without interfering in their lives. That's just the way it is. You don't get a cool party friend that leaves your bad habits alone. Those are acquaintances.

    I'd say I interfere more than most, since the bystander effect is really lost on me so I'll go out of my way to talk to complete strangers and ensure they're fine, etc. Mostly to my detriment, but I am who I am.
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  5. #15
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    But it can also be done from a place of survivalism - i.e. fighting over limited resources/interests, and that in itself can be done from a place of true competition or from a place of pride or ego - i.e. How dare he stand in my way to greatness, doesn't he know that that is MY spot.
    I think you're absolutely right, but I don't quite understand this part.

    Most people are well-meaning. They look to others and external patterns of behavior which are reliable for guidance, and so they respond to other people as if other people work the same way they do.

    People like this want to figure things out for themselves. They do it by looking at others' successes and failures, and then measuring themselves against those standards. Identifying people's (perceived) failures helps them decide what not to do.

    They also, as Amargith said, may have grown up in a family where this behavior was commonplace. I did. My family when I was growing up was always either passing judgment on someone, talking about how someone screwed up, or trying to interfere in someone's life. I once spent an entire hike with my dad recently discussing people he knew who were making bad choices in their lives, and then trying to defend mine.

    I may have a tendency to talk about other people, but I don't ever interfere in people's lives (I know first hand how annoying it is). I try not to be judgmental to people's faces. For me, looking at other people's successes and failures is helpful, but I have been making a serious effort for the past few years to be more accepting and open minded, and positive.

  6. #16
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    they hate themselves

  7. #17
    LL P. Stewie Beorn's Avatar
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    Hypocritical op is hypocritical.
    Why are you so interested in restricting people's viewpoints and speech?
    Take the weakest thing in you
    And then beat the bastards with it
    And always hold on when you get love
    So you can let go when you give it

  8. #18
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Ages ago, I turned off a female member's video as soon as I heard the words: "People should..."
    I think you get the picture.

  9. #19
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    I think you're absolutely right, but I don't quite understand this part.

    Most people are well-meaning. They look to others and external patterns of behavior which are reliable for guidance, and so they respond to other people as if other people work the same way they do.

    People like this want to figure things out for themselves. They do it by looking at others' successes and failures, and then measuring themselves against those standards. Identifying people's (perceived) failures helps them decide what not to do.

    They also, as Amargith said, may have grown up in a family where this behavior was commonplace. I did. My family when I was growing up was always either passing judgment on someone, talking about how someone screwed up, or trying to interfere in someone's life. I once spent an entire hike with my dad recently discussing people he knew who were making bad choices in their lives, and then trying to defend mine.

    I may have a tendency to talk about other people, but I don't ever interfere in people's lives (I know first hand how annoying it is). I try not to be judgmental to people's faces. For me, looking at other people's successes and failures is helpful, but I have been making a serious effort for the past few years to be more accepting and open minded, and positive.

    What I mean by that is, people feel better being able to vent and vilify the obstacle in their way as it makes it easier to eliminate it and appease that need for survivalism that is driving you to secure [insert target]. It is the thing that allows you to kill an animal coz you're hungry. If you empathise too much with it, or aren't hungry, it is a *lot* harder to see them as an object or tool to oblige that survival instinct. Or rather, that is ideally the case.
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  10. #20
    Ratchet Ass Moon Fairy Comeback Girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beorn View Post
    Hypocritical op is hypocritical.
    Why are you so interested in restricting people's viewpoints and speech?
    I knew someone would say this

    The thing is I'm getting sick and tired of people telling others what to do with their lives for no reason and giving them a bad feeling about themselves. FOR NO REASON. It's not about people trying to get others to stop smoking, but about people trying to make others feel like they're worthless pieces of shit if they don't have dinner at exactly six o'clock every day (just to give an example). I'm not telling them in the face that they should stop it, I'm just ranting a bit. And I don't get it. And I'm tired, so I can't think clearly right now.
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