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Questions about therapy

mintleaf

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I've been dealing with severe depression and anxiety since the beginning of middle school, and I'm now a college freshman. I have major depressive disorder, social anxiety disorder, and had an adjustment disorder during middle school that set both into motion.

My most important question is what to do about therapy. I went for about five months during my junior year of high school, hated it, convinced myself and everyone around me that I was okay, and quit. For the first couple of months I was crying too much for there to be productive conversation, and even when my medication was high enough that I was incapable of crying, I couldn't bring myself to be open. My therapist seemed to think it was a good idea to only ask about surface-level things, and I wasn't brave enough to change the subject.

So I'm going to talk to someone at my school's counselling center soon, and I don't know how I'm going to do it. I should probably write stuff up in case I can't talk (seriously, I cry uncontrollably), but what all should I address, and how in-depth should I go? It says on their website that they refer people with recurring issues to mental health services in the community -- do you think I'll be able to choose a therapist/psychologist/etc., and if so, how do I choose? What types of therapy would you recommend for my situation? I'd rather not explain more publicly, so if you need more information to answer my questions, let me know and I'll PM you.

Thanks.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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Couple of things to consider:
Professional counselors are trained to not take it personally if you are or are not comfortable with them. You can go to a first session and tell them that you would like to meet a few to find the best fit. I've worked with I think five different counselors and I found all of them to be basically helpful, but only the last two have provided significant help. I found my best one through a referral from someone inside the mental health community.

It is important to realize that you are in control of the process, and focusing on that can be part of the healing process. You don't need to feel any pressure from your therapist, but realize that you can open up on your terms and at the pace that feels natural for you.

It does take courage to open up, and it can feel strange to do that with a stranger. One thing that has helped me practice is to open up in a private context. Most counselors will recommend writing in a journal while you are by yourself. You could even prepare a written out description of your feelings and concerns to bring to your counselor each week which they can read while you are crying if need be. This is one way you can have control over how much you share without feeling any pressure about needing to control your own emotions.

It also helps to know that a therapist is bound by law to keep all of your information private. Once you find someone you trust, then you are free to go in as much depth as you choose. There is no social protocol to maintain, and counselors have heard it all, sometimes all at once, and sometimes waiting for months or years. Try to think of it the same as a doctor visit. When they see the parts of your body normally hidden, it is separate from regular social protocol. Therapists are there to see the comparable portions or your mind and experience.

You can trust your own mind and body to have a wisdom of its own, and if you are crying during sessions and not able to communicate, it is entirely possible that this is exactly what you need as part of the healing process. There isn't one right way to heal the mind, but each individual has a unique path.
 
B

brainheart

Guest
[MENTION=17424]decrescendo[/MENTION], I relate to what you say far too well- minus the crying part, and I have bipolar 2. My hypomania made me happy, fun, and daring when I was younger, now what happens is I get irritable as hell and restless and want to tear off my skin. Mostly, though, I deal with depression- especially the fatigue/ brain fog/ inability to motivate/ self-loathing aspect.

Therapy has never done jack shit for me. I could go into the details as to why, but I won't make this be all about me (although I suspect it has a lot to do with being a 4w5 INFP). Still I have to go every month because I'm on medication and it is always incredibly frustrating for me. Medication is not a panacea, and although I'm not attempting to kill myself or engaging in extramarital affairs, my life is not how it should be. Like [MENTION=14857]fia[/MENTION], I've begun to dabble in mindfulness and meditation, and it seems like a very good thing. I also bought a DBT workbook which should be coming in the mail today and I'm hoping that will help. I'm hoping this emphasis on practical behavior modification will do something that therapy has never done. We shall see.

Best of luck to you.

[MENTION=19605]mingularity[/MENTION], while exercise helps, I find too strenuous of exercise makes things worse for me. That said, I have bipolar so I can overdo it when more manic and it becomes an unhealthy addiction. It's how I used to self-medicate, along with eating disorders. I've found walking around out in the world, looking at things- especially nature- helps me get out of myself and my despair more than pushing myself hard in a gym ever did. Perhaps because it's a form of active meditation, because I focus on my present surroundings and exist in a sort of silence. Also, I always feel better outdoors than I do inside. I think you, as an ISTP, might get a little more from the gym experience than an INFP would. My ESFP husband goes to the gym every day, works out as hard as possible and it's a lifesaver for him.
 
B

brainheart

Guest
[MENTION=7140]brainheart[/MENTION], an exercise addiction on its own is very healthy! If one had something like BDD, however, the exercise addiction could feed it. The manic phase of bipolar could also interact weirdly with it, I definitely agree.

However, ALL of these problems are solved by exercise! If you can stick to a healthy exercise schedule and don't let any of your disorders turn it into crazy time, then you will be practicing self control, which is a general source of problems here.

An exercise addiction is not healthy, especially when you are already underweight to begin with. Addictions, by their very nature, are not healthy, because they don't function within the parameters of self-monitoring.

It's easy to say 'if you don't let any of your disorders turn it into crazy time' but that's what a disorder does! It's belittling to say you can just control it- it's like saying it's all in your head. This is the deal. My brain gets seriously fucked up and it does not work properly. I can't 'make' it work properly. Medication has saved my life in many ways that you can't apparently understand, that all the therapy and self control in the world will never do. Self control doesn't make the delusions and psychosis go away, that's for damn sure. Now that I'm medicated I can do things like work towards engaging in healthy amounts of exercise and behavioral modifications. It isn't a panacea, like I said, but it is a lifesaver. (It kind of downgrades bipolar to cyclothymia.) Obviously you don't get this. My guess is you don't have a severe mental disorder?
 

baccheion

New member
Joined
Jan 10, 2013
Messages
777
Have you tried taking supplements while you explore to discover what the deeper issues are? You can start writing posts online, or talking to people in chat rooms, and maybe you'll come across a few that can help you.

Try any or all of the following:

- 3g (regular) Niacin, 3g Vitamin C, 1g Vitamin B5 (gradually up your dosage 250mg-500mg every few days until you get to 3g)
- Aniracetam + Noopept
- Brainwave Entrainment (http://www.transparentcorp.com/dl)
- etc (search longecity for more ideas)
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
I've been dealing with severe depression and anxiety since the beginning of middle school, and I'm now a college freshman. I have major depressive disorder, social anxiety disorder, and had an adjustment disorder during middle school that set both into motion.

My most important question is what to do about therapy. I went for about five months during my junior year of high school, hated it, convinced myself and everyone around me that I was okay, and quit. For the first couple of months I was crying too much for there to be productive conversation, and even when my medication was high enough that I was incapable of crying, I couldn't bring myself to be open. My therapist seemed to think it was a good idea to only ask about surface-level things, and I wasn't brave enough to change the subject.

So I'm going to talk to someone at my school's counselling center soon, and I don't know how I'm going to do it. I should probably write stuff up in case I can't talk (seriously, I cry uncontrollably), but what all should I address, and how in-depth should I go? It says on their website that they refer people with recurring issues to mental health services in the community -- do you think I'll be able to choose a therapist/psychologist/etc., and if so, how do I choose? What types of therapy would you recommend for my situation? I'd rather not explain more publicly, so if you need more information to answer my questions, let me know and I'll PM you.

Thanks.

That's not unusual at the start of therapy.
 

mintleaf

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Therapy has never done jack shit for me. I could go into the details as to why, but I won't make this be all about me (although I suspect it has a lot to do with being a 4w5 INFP).

No, I'm curious as to why you think this is. And thanks for the encouragement. I hope DBT is helpful for you -- based on what I've read, it doesn't sound like DBT would fit my situation well, but it does seem like a good idea for people who have been through extensive therapy with few results.
[MENTION=19605]mingularity[/MENTION] and [MENTION=17495]CapLawyer[/MENTION], thank you for your advice. :)
 

five sounds

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[MENTION=7140]brainheart[/MENTION], I have started to practice meditation and mindfulness as well. I was in therapy for a while, and it helped me to feel empowered to change my situation, but I definitely didn't feel like it was any kind of magic wand.

I'm fighting anxiety, depression, and an eating disorder (going from anorexia to non-purging bulimia which is basically just a binge/starve cycle). So I know we're dealing with different things, but I definitely can relate to having a high/low cycle. I agree that exercise addiction, like any addiction, is unhealthy.

Meditation and yoga are helping me work to rise above my emotions and circumstances. Even just the consistency of practicing has helped me feel steadier. When I'm feeling out of control, I know I'm putting in a regular effort to meditate and be at peace with my mind, body, and spirit and I'm able to feel good about that. Like I'm on the right road at least.

How have you been practicing meditation? I'm looking for ways to focus more on that aspect of my practice.
 

Vasilisa

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I largely agree with fia, although I'm not sure about EMDR. Meditation is nice because it will give you a calm, peaceful, mentally quiet happy place. You then need to train yourself to go there when you start to get stressed out. This is the hard part.

Overall, I would suggest that you need to train yourself to allow yourself to be really happy. Talking and thinking may or may not help you get there. Have you instead tried a dose of happy drugs? Step 0: Go to the gym, hop on the elliptical or treadmill and do 30 minutes of high intensity interval training. Endorphines. Happiness. You won't be able to help it. Step 2: Do it again two days later. Step 3: Do it three times a week or more.

This is almost guaranteed to make you really happy for at least a few minutes per week, and studies show that exercise works better than antidepressants and anxiolytics on average. This is not to say that meds can't work, but that it's really hard to pair a set of medications with a set of symptoms. Which is why they usually get the pairing wrong. You can't go wrong with exercise though.

My dear friend was literally laid out with depression and whenever anyone laid this endorphins from excercise wisdom on her, all she heard was "you're fat." Major depression isn't so simple to just will ones way out of.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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My dear friend was literally laid out with depression and whenever anyone laid this endorphins from excercise wisdom on her, all she heard was "you're fat." Major depression isn't so simple to just will ones way out of.
+100
 

Gish

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Nov 22, 2007
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In this situation I would recommend http://www.stickk.com . It might be easier to accomplish seting up a contract on yourself to go to the gym then it is to go to the gym without the contract. It's important that you put enough money to motivate you on the line, and you can optionally have someone else enforce the contract for you. When I use it I have the money go to anti-charities, because F no I am not giving my money to them :D

Unless your intent is to set an example of what not to do, perhaps you should remove Feynman's quote from your signature, for you have surely fooled yourself into thinking you know far more than you do.
 

Haight

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You are so mean these days, Gish. What happened?

*grabs paper and pencil*
 

prplchknz

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anyone who's been through severe clinical depression, knows not to say well if you eat right and exercise it will magically dissapear, that's not how severe clinical depression works. It takes meds to get stablized and therapy and if you're lucky once your stabelized and have learned coping skills than perhaps you can either lower your dosage or get off them completely. and once you're stablized and actually able to function some what then you can consider exercise. but exercise helps mild depression, but for moderate to severe you need something more.
 
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