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  1. #1
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    Default Dangers of loneliness: Social isolation is deadlier than obesity

    Loneliness Is Deadly
    Social isolation kills more people than obesity does—and it’s just as stigmatized.

    Over the winter I moved from New York City to Portland, Ore. The reasons for my move were purely logical. New York was expensive and stressful. Portland, I reasoned, would offer me the space and time to do my work.
    Upon arriving, I rented a house and happily went out in search of "my people." I went to parks, bookstores, bars, on dates. I even tried golfing. It wasn't that I didn't meet people. I did. I just felt no connection to any of them.
    Once social and upbeat, I became morose and mildly paranoid. I knew I needed to connect to people to feel better, but I felt as though I physically could not handle any more empty interactions. I woke up in the night panicked. In the afternoon, loneliness came in waves like a fever. I had no idea how to fix it.
    Feeling uncertain, I began to research loneliness and came across several alarming recent studies. Loneliness is not just making us sick, it is killing us. Loneliness is a serious health risk. Studies of elderly people and social isolation concluded that those without adequate social interaction were twice as likely to die prematurely.
    The increased mortality risk is comparable to that from smoking. And loneliness is about twice as dangerous as obesity.Social isolation impairs immune function and boosts inflammation, which can lead to arthritis, type II diabetes, and heart disease. Loneliness is breaking our hearts, but as a culture we rarely talk about it.


    Quite literally breaking our hearts. Read the rest here.

  2. #2
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    Ya, I'm literally dying of loneliness.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  3. #3
    Member Capsaicin's Avatar
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    People... can't live with them, can't live without them either apparently. I've never known "my people" in my life, but I still plan on outliving all my enemies to spite them.

  4. #4
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Loneliness is a killer.

    Being alone isn't.

    A person can be in a room with hundreds of people, and personally chat with others without feeling connected, and still be lonely.

    Being alone feels content with being with oneself with or without company.

    Feeling loneliness is about isolation, perhaps not being 'present' or in the moment enough to be mindful of others.

    A way to feel less lonely is to accept oneself as he/she is, and be open to learning/connecting with others genuinely as though vicariously understanding that person on a deeper level of sincere gratitude and positive regard, like respect.

  5. #5
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    God has shown me people I love before in my dreams when I have prayed to him about how they are. With God on our side, we don't need to be lonely.

  6. #6

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    And yet that said for many spiritual leaders of the past and present spending time alone has been totally and utterly requisite to any development and enlightenment. Monks have built temples in remote places which could be definitive examples of social isolation.

    You can bel alone like that and not be lonely, its a subjective things and experienced differently one person to the next, whether you've developed all your attachment needs out of existence through early life, childhood, adolescence and later life or they are still unconsciously driving you along is one factor I can think of.

    I'd also say that bad social relationships are a lot worse than loneliness, a lot of people obviously dont agree and that is why bad social relationships exist in the first place, why they endure and "live" to reproduce themselves one generation after the next, but we really should have articles talking about that instead. Hues and cries about loneliness in the broad and vaguest possible terms are as good as hues and cries about terrorism, they lack any practical understanding and are suggestive of no reform or possibility of change.

    Relatedness and relating are probably fundamental human needs, although they manifest in different ways, extraverts and introverts are pretty different and people who're boardered between the two or have phases of each could testify to the issue of loneliness being more or less taxing at different times in their lives.

  7. #7
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    I have a love/hate relationship with being alone.

    I went back to being totally alone after my separation, not even having my kids with me. i can't say it's been easy, and at times I've been miserable enough to just give up. It might have been worse, being with people in those relationships for awhile, then going back to a more solitary life like I experienced in earlier years... because now I know what I miss. At this point, I've reached a modicum of contentment simply because I have accepted it for what it is, but I'd change it if I could, meaningfully.

    I think it varies from person to person, a point I figure is generally accepted on a typology site. Some people seem very happy not having daily interaction, others (even if shy) really need some form of connection even if just low-key or they feel lost and drifting. I work in a large group of people daily, yet feel pretty isolated in my cubicle; and while I connect with a lot of people online when home, it's not the same as having someone there. One reason I have a cat is because he makes the solitude more bearable... even if at the same time when I'm invited to gatherings of people, I feel strong reluctance to go.

    reminds me a bit of Stephen Fry's excerpt in the article. He obviously has connections and places of invitation, but even with that level of connection, it feels isolated and lonely to him. And it's not about the quantity, I suppose it's about the quality or on what level the connection occurs.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    I'd also say that bad social relationships are a lot worse than loneliness, a lot of people obviously dont agree and that is why bad social relationships exist in the first place, why they endure and "live" to reproduce themselves one generation after the next.
    Yeah, I agree with that. You can say that bad social relationships are worse (with their actual intensity of friction and acute misery) versrus the dull ache of loneliness, but apparently that dull ache is more frightening since people have trouble being alone.

    Why else would we all be walking around into thinks while texting and posting our daily menus on FaceBook? People want to feel heard and like they are not alone in the world. At least a bad relationship suggests you're not invisible.

    Quote Originally Posted by Poimandres View Post
    God has shown me people I love before in my dreams when I have prayed to him about how they are. With God on our side, we don't need to be lonely.
    Poe's Law?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #8
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 93JC View Post
    Once social and upbeat, I became morose and mildly paranoid. I knew I needed to connect to people to feel better, but I felt as though I physically could not handle any more empty interactions.
    Empty interactions are far worse than being alone. They sap one's energy without providing anything in return. At least alone I can use my energy for something more rewarding. Sometimes I wish I could go somewhere where I didn't need to see another soul until/unless I actually wanted to.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Empty interactions are far worse than being alone. They sap one's energy without providing anything in return.
    Good point. I think I'm pretty bad at making "small-talk"; maybe it's because small-talk saps what energy I have reserved for social interactions so I subconsciously avoid it.

  10. #10
    Stansmith
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    I don't really know what I want from social interactions anymore. For better or for worse, I feel like my Fi is making me much more specific about who I want to interact with and who I don't.

    I used to suppress the feeling of "hey, these aren't really the kind of people I see myself being friends with", but now it's at full force.

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