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Thread: Are you more self expressive as you're older?

  1. #11
    Senior Member Array
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    Actually, as a teen, I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that my peers hated me and would reject me no matter what I did, so I just dressed however the hell I felt like.

    Sometimes, I just sort of wore the same thing twice in a row and neglected myself, but other times I would dress in these sooper-outlandish clothes and robes. (Think "Moammar Qaddafi"--the weird guy who'd wear fancy African robes but never brush his hair and was nearly always in defiance of the rest of the world.) I dyed my hair a lot, purple and red and stuff. Why? Because I could. I wasn't beholden to anyone else's stupid social rules.

    In college I was pretty much the same way, but less so. It's just not as much fun if it doesn't offend people's senses of "normal".

    As to "emotional expression", I'm not quite sure how to categorize myself. In most group situations, I'm the "shadow on the wall" (in terms of actual interaction), and even 1-to-1, I'm not always a great conversationalist. I don't tend to show enthusiasm, or cry publicly, or whatnot. I consider "emotional displays" (particularly vulnerable emotions) to be embarrassing.

    Yet, I am well-known to certain others as being the "mercurial, emotionally honest" one who is melodramatic and starts drama with others. Apparently, I have an "expressive face". You have to get to know me before you see that, though.

  2. #12
    know ⏩ assist ⏩ survive Array Alaska's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanjuro View Post
    Sometimes, I just sort of wore the same thing twice in a row and neglected myself, but other times I would dress in these sooper-outlandish clothes and robes. (Think "Moammar Qaddafi"--the weird guy who'd wear fancy African robes but never brush his hair and was nearly always in defiance of the rest of the world.)
    I had quite a hat collection...
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  3. #13
    Blood of the Exile Array Animal's Avatar
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    I've been expressive since the day I was born and wore wild outfits since I had the sense to dress myself in my own clothes. My parents did not 'dress me up' wild but they didn't stop me either. I wrote my first 400 page sci-fi/fantasy novel (I wrote 200 page in another post but I found a print-out and it's definitely 400) around age 12, I wrote my first complete song at age 8 and sold my first song to a student show at age 11, and by the time I was 15 I had a whole shelf full of old diaries and notebooks along with half a musical written, a complete novel and parts of others, about 30 original songs, and a very original, expressive wardrobe along with creative hairstyles, like flowers in my hair etc. I was also a straight-A student back then and worked three jobs singing and playing at restaurants, took piano, dance, voice and acting, and was constantly in plays and music competitions; but I still found time to express myself through my outfits and creativity every single day. Kids laughed at me in elem school and downright tortured me in middle school but nothing would make me assimilate.

    When I was 16 I got Chronic Lyme Disease and couldn't walk, move, etc. for a long time.. had to give up a lot of things.. lost my voice forever.. spoke in a whisper. After that I became even MORE expressive; practically lived as a symbol of myself. My body was my art. But then, in my later 20s and early 30s, my tastes were more subtle, but still expressive.

    Everywhere I've ever lived, my room has been an expression of my mind, my emotions, my artistic preferences, my symbols. That expression evolves as well. There was a time it was darker and more crowded. There was a time you could come in my room and see displays of my own artwork and photos in creative shapes all over the place. Now my aesthetic has evolved to more simple, rustic.. I'm into brown woods, brown leathers, feathers, crystals, nature. If I'm rich one day my house will be woods, leathers & furs, though I only buy from places that are ethical, ie, selling furs & leathers for animals who the state ordered to kill due to overpopulation. Because of my fantasy novel I've learned more about leather-making, fur industry and weaponry, and while I was always into these things, the meaningfulness, symbology (and price) in my taste has expanded.

    So in short, I've always been, and always will be, expressive; but my personal sense of expression now is much less flamboyant than it used to be, except on days when I am feeling flamboyant.

    As for expressing my emotions plainly - I never had a vocabulary to do this until I studied enneagram last year. All of my emotional self-expression is through art, touch, love-making, moods. I've learned to put it into words now and I feel two ways about this. Part of me thinks that putting my feelings and thoughts into words outside the context of lyrics and writing might take the power and magic away from my creative work, like it would render it less necessary. That being said, having words has helped me think through the insides of some of my fictional characters and made for some different types of insights in my lyrics... so it's a trade-off.
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