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View Poll Results: Is ygolo an aspie? (please consider carefully, serious question)

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Thread: Am I an Aspie?

  1. #11
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    She has in fact requested that I cease all contact with her. You cannot get more clear than that.
    You managed to creep out a "very close friend" after having pretty much all the theoretical knowledge not to do it.

    You strike me as fairly cautious and considerate person. Based on the logical integrity of your posts, I'd guess you have a fairly high IQ, so the learning-applying process shouldn't have been an issue for you.

    All in all, the only explanation I can see for the events narrated is that you have some significant degree of autism.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  2. #12

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    I found this rather comforting.
    http://aspielife.blogspot.com/2007/12/loneliness.html

    DEC
    29
    Loneliness
    Loneliness has been a constant companion in my life. I laugh when I read the news articles which try to say that people with Asperger's "have no desire for human companionship." I can't speak for all - it may be true of some, but it has certainly not been true for me. It can feel like a curse - having the acute desire for human interaction, togetherness, but constantly struggling to make it happen.

    The holiday season has always been especially difficult for me. There are many expectations created by the stories and depictions in the popular media of the "joyous" holiday season. For me, it's often been difficult to reconcile these expectations with my actual reality.

    This is the time for the parties that you're not invited to. Or if you are invited - you feel like an outsider as everyone else mixes and mingles when you find yourself tongue tied in a corner. It's a time for family celebrations, which don't measure up to the idealized "Currier & Ives" pictures people have in their minds.

    It's the time of year when you have to wrap your mind around how to maneuver your way around the social dilemmas that give even socially gifted people trouble.

    Through this holiday season, I've been thinking about this a lot. How many people are out there suffering, because they feel that Christmas should be like the movies? Or because they feel even more acutely the desire to "fit in," and feel even more acutely their failure to do so? Or simply feel more alone, when everyone is feeling togetherness, and you're at home alone...

    I was rooting around in some of my old papers this afternoon, and I found a journal entry I wrote in my teens, which I think echoes what many people with AS feel, perhaps more intensely this time of year.

    "I get so very sad, yet no one around seems to understand. I really wish I had someone. The only way I have to explain it is through my writing or through my stories, and that is hard to express. I know any one who has known me for any amount of time gets tired of my stories. I don't know. It's so lonely to spend my life jumping back and forth from here to there.

    I never have had a chance to have a normal life...Why do I have to be so different?

    I spend all my life trying to find someone who will understand, but because of my life, I wind up having to give them a tutorial about how I act and why. I know it sounds pompous and stupid, but what else have I to do?

    I find no one else like me in my life. I have nothing in common with anyone...I feel trapped in a world that judges me at every turn and yet never bothers to try to help or understand.

    My whole life has been spend trying to figure other people out. I've always felt left out. I'm a watcher because that's all I really know how to be - all I really can be. People say I'm stuck up and a snob. I don't like to think that I am.

    I love people. I'd love to be with them, but my life is so different, my motivations so strange. I feel I have to compromise some of myself to get along with anyone else...So I am left with two options - to live always compromising parts of myself, never getting to be myself, or to live my life lonely and alone.

    Even though I know have gifts, there are times when I'd do anything to give up those gifts just so can be a normal person...People tell me that they can't talk to me because it takes too much energy, but does that mean that I will be forced to spend the rest of my life being a hermit? Will there ever be anyone who is willing to work to be with me? Will anyone climb the mountain?"

    Back when I wrote this, I had no idea why I was different. I just knew that I was. I thought I was alone in feeling this way. In the last five years, I've come to learn that I'm not. Through the miracle of the internet, I've learned that there are many more of you out there.

    So, if any one of you is feeling alone tonight, remember that perception isn't always reality. When I thought I was alone in the world, I wasn't. When I thought that no one else would ever understand or feel the way I did, I was wrong. It was just a question of finding the other people like me.

    The idealized depictions of Christmas aren't the reality for most, if not all, so don't think that you're the odd ball because your holiday is different. We all have our disappointments in life -but we can find our way. We can find our own crowd, and our own way of celebrating - that's fine.

    And even if you have to celebrate alone -that's OK. Love yourself to know that a celebration alone can be just as valuable as one with others - it's all in how you handle it. If living with Asperger's teaches us anything, it teaches us how to live with ourselves. For some of us, our only friends are ourselves. You can focus on being alone, or you can make the most of what you do have - you.

    You can go out and watch people. You can stay home and watch Star Trek. You can write, or listen to music that makes you happy. Or you can find a small, trusted group - that understand you and overlook your eccentricities.

    In any event, the holidays don't have to be sad. Don't be lonely. There are others of us out there. There are others who understand. If you're lonely, my thoughts and prayers are with you, as are the thoughts and prayers of many others out there. You are not alone.

    I'm praying that each and every one of you have a wonderful holiday season, alone or together.

    Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays!
    Unfortunately, despite the comfort of knowing I am not alone, my loneliness also has a strong physical component to it, and words alone are not going to help. I sit here hugging myself and rocking back and forth, and that keeps some of the pain at bay.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  3. #13
    null Jonny's Avatar
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    Hmmm, I scored a 14. Without having 1) taken the test and 2) compared your results to mine, I would have been inclined to say you didn't have Asperger's. When we met for lunch, you seemed to respond normally to social cues, and were generally good at mirroring mood and identifying subtle intent (although I am aware that these behaviors can be learned by those with mild and even more severe Autism). As an aside, being unable to properly identify interest/disinterest in a potential mate isn't necessarily a sign or symptom exclusive to Autism, in particular because our own hope and lust can blind us to things we would otherwise plainly see. That said, your score seems to tell a different story.

    The disparity between our scores, coupled with my recollection of the questions asked, makes me think there could be something to your score. As I recall, many of the questions involved having an obsessive focus on details, or not being particularly comfortable or adept in social situations. You would have to answer quite a few of the questions in ways that seem to me to be odd, based upon my understanding of normal human behavior. Looking back at them now, it's hard for me to believe that you genuinely scored a 42. You don't seem like someone who gets lost in minutiae or is unable to identify someone's mood... Are you sure your perception of yourself is accurate? In other words, are you sure your answers weren't biased in favor of producing a higher score than is accurate?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #14

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    I remember taking that test a long time ago, and the score being similar. I believe it was around the same time my counselor suggested I check out the support group. I wasn't sure if I started posting on this site by then or not. It was very close in time.

    If it was a test posted here, chances are that I took it. I did a cursory search, but didn't find it. I can try using google. But I am going back and forth between falling asleep and wakefulness.

    EDIT: I looked at the questions again. I don't believe I am purposely skewing the score. It doesn't take much. Just being one spot over on all the questions can add 40 points.

    Similar to what Temple Grandin mentioned in her TED talk. It is a spectrum, with many of the traits being useful for people who are neurotypical as well. Where geek/nerd ends and the Autism Spectrum begins isn't that clear to me. Frankly, I doubt it is clear to anyone.

    Also, I have nephew who is only at the age of 4 starting to talk in a way the rest of us can understand, and another cousin who diagnosed autistic. There are also some indications that Bipolar Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder have some co-morbidity. I doubt you would have said I was bipolar if you didn't know that about me to begin with.

    A lot of my manerisms come from decades of practice. My conversational pace and timing is also explicitly learned (I wait for either a long pause or for you to look at me).

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  5. #15
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    If you weren't diagnosed with aspergers as a kid, that greatly reduces the chances that you actually have it.

    I used to have PDD as a kid, but I outgrew it very quickly with 2 years of intense special assistance between ages 3 to 5.

    My social skills on a natural level frankly suck really badly, but I can at least interact on fundamental levels with most people, even if I come across as odd.

  6. #16
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    I'm sorry ygolo, I don't really know you well enough to have an opinion one way or the other. You didn't come across on vent as strange (just quiet), which was possibly strange in and of itself in that environment. I'm just wondering if you've had much to do with people with aspergers/autism? I'm particularly wondering how a friendship or romance between two such people might look. Would the traits which hinder bonding with 'normal' people unite two aspies with common ground? Or would they double the barriers? It might be worth looking into. Two people who are lonely for the same reasons may well click.

  7. #17

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    Well, there was a time I visited a support group for those on the Autism Spectrum. That's about it. I wouldn't be surprised if I ran into others before without realizing it. I've worked in fields where it's common.

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  8. #18
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    I've noticed hyperfocus in your posts @ygolo. I can't tell socially because I've never been on chat with you. You don't seem to joke around or have a social banter, but that could just be introversion.

    There is a whole range of neuro-atypical issues that are not well explored, especially for highly intelligent people. Labels can be helpful or limiting because if you do fit with the category of Aspbergers, you will only have certain fundamental issues in common. The diversity amongst high functioning autism and Aspbergers is enormous. It can be helpful to get a sense of one's strengths and setbacks honestly to know how best to live and make choices.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

  9. #19
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    I'm sorry ygolo, I don't really know you well enough to have an opinion one way or the other. You didn't come across on vent as strange (just quiet), which was possibly strange in and of itself in that environment. I'm just wondering if you've had much to do with people with aspergers/autism? I'm particularly wondering how a friendship or romance between two such people might look. Would the traits which hinder bonding with 'normal' people unite two aspies with common ground? Or would they double the barriers? It might be worth looking into. Two people who are lonely for the same reasons may well click.
    If two people could negotiate life together with these same issues I think it could be very healthy. The difficulty comes in the sensory and emotional sensitivities and resistance to change.

    I've taught music to close to a dozen people who are high-functioning autism. Each one is completely unique. It would be difficult to make a description that fits them all. There are issues like being upset if a clock is replaced, needing to play straight through every song in their book before going on, coming close to a melt-down when seeing a social conflict, having hyper-focus on interest, but being oblivious to external deadline and paperwork, etc. One Aspbergers woman I work with has a conflict disorder, can completely lack empathy and yet give focused criticisms, but then write the most emotionally touching songs.

    The underlying issues that seem to tie it together include hyper-focus internally combined with obliviousness in other areas; hypersensitivity and rigidity about sensory aspects of the environment; emotional issues of melt-down or shut-down when overstimulated.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

    I want to be just like my mother, even if she is bat-shit crazy.

  10. #20
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, even doctors have a really hard time diagnosing Autism. Ask yourself, what would a diagnosis of Autism do for you? Like many have expressed here, we all have our areas of strength and weakness. You are obviously aware and working on improving or compensating for your areas of weakness, which is more than some people can say. I say keep finding resources to help you where you need it. If those resources are coming from publications about Autism, and you find them helpful, then keep using them. If you think a diagnosis would help give you peace of mind or would enable you to be admitted to different social or community groups you think would be helpful, then I say talk to your doctor about your concerns.

    Life with limited pragmatic skills can be tough, but I'm sure you'd math circles around me. Best of luck!
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

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