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Anxiety

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How to tame it.

The difference between being overly shy, having social anxiety, and being an introvert?
 
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Shyness: bashfulness
Social anxiety: condition
Introversion: indication of direction in which energy cycles
 

Calbyr

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I've been wondering the same thing, for a long time. I believe it's more of a confidence issue, man. Seeing as how you are an INFJ, I'd say confidence can easily be outweighed by perfectionism. Just work on balancing your self esteem and your perfectionism and I believe you'll slowly rebuild.
 

highlander

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How to tame it.

The difference between being overly shy, having social anxiety, and being an introvert?

It's basically fear. The more time you spend out there with other people and talking/interacting with them, the more it dissipates. I think you can do little steps at a time. Also, once you start talking it's easier to talk more, so interjecting early in a conversation is always good.
 

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I've been wondering the same thing, for a long time. I believe it's more of a confidence issue, man. Seeing as how you are an INFJ, I'd say confidence can easily be outweighed by perfectionism. Just work on balancing your self esteem and your perfectionism and I believe you'll slowly rebuild.

It's basically fear. The more time you spend out there with other people and talking/interacting with them, the more it dissipates. I think you can do little steps at a time. Also, once you start talking it's easier to talk more, so interjecting early in a conversation is always good.

What about social anxiety? I think with many anxiety and phobias, it doesn't just go away with more interaction. Sometimes, interaction may even exasperate it.

Would changing the thinking of the events or changing the thoughts work instead?
 

highlander

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What about social anxiety? I think with many anxiety and phobias, it doesn't just go away with more interaction. Sometimes, interaction may even exasperate it.

Would changing the thinking of the events or changing the thoughts work instead?

That's about the limit of what I know. If it's more complex than basic shyness anxiety then i don't know. Best to see a professional.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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It's basically fear. The more time you spend out there with other people and talking/interacting with them, the more it dissipates. I think you can do little steps at a time. Also, once you start talking it's easier to talk more, so interjecting early in a conversation is always good.
This is true if the actual act of talking to people is at the core of the anxiety. If the root is something else that is being misdirected into new social situations, then lots of interacting won't help. If it is a self-esteem issue because of an emotionally abusive parent, then continued interaction doesn't help as much as addressing that core issue.

Anxiety can be a difficult issue to address, but I have found it helps to put all of your energy into overcoming one anxiety at a time, rather than trying to take it all on at once. There are also some simple things like deep breathing that has a helpful physiological effect.
 
I

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Social Anxiety is a pathological condition pertaining to consistent sets of behaviour and responses - fear, anxiety and discomfort - deep inset into an individuals psyche, due to negative past experiences, and the triggering of which is caused by social situations and interactions. Since it has become ingrained, it is usually extremely hard to get rid of, and doesn't simply go away without proper help to correct it.

Shyness is insecurity and general uncertainty surrounding interaction with people, similar to social anxiety. It is usually down to lack of confidence and a sensitivity to rejection, and is quite often simply due to personality traits (genes or observation of parents behaviour). Most shy children loose it because of repeated interactions - so the brain becomes accustomed - and some keep the traits through to adulthood (usually milder), but others yet keep it and they sometimes become avoidant, then the condition is developed as the brain becomes wired to automatically trigger those feelings of anxiety due to the number of negative associations with social situations; then SA is "coded" into the brain. One difference is that SA is akin to/a form of phobia and is irrational, whereas shyness is quite natural and a rational construct (especially with children).

And being an introvert has nothing to do with either, no matter which definition you take, although that's not what most people would have you believe. Introversion produces an outward behaviour that is superficially similar to the above, but the actual causation is very different. A popular definition is an individual who is most predominantly concerned what is going on inside their own head rather than with external reality. That usually makes them quieter and less bothered about interacting with others, yes, but of course that doesn't make them the same thing. A shy or socially anxious person is usually quiet out of fear and apprehension, rather than purely about interest with themselves more than their environment. Of course, they aren't mutually exclusive, so one can be shy/have SA and be an introvert or an extrovert, and there are many introverts that aren't shy etc. Another definition is where one gets energy from; introverts from themselves, whereas interaction/their environment saps it. Like the previous definition, it often creates similar outward behaviour, but that doesn't make them shy or socially anxious.
 

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That's about the limit of what I know. If it's more complex than basic shyness anxiety then i don't know. Best to see a professional.

It is what I am planning to do, actually. :)

This is true if the actual act of talking to people is at the core of the anxiety. If the root is something else that is being misdirected into new social situations, then lots of interacting won't help. If it is a self-esteem issue because of an emotionally abusive parent, then continued interaction doesn't help as much as addressing that core issue.

Anxiety can be a difficult issue to address, but I have found it helps to put all of your energy into overcoming one anxiety at a time, rather than trying to take it all on at once. There are also some simple things like deep breathing that has a helpful physiological effect.

I don't think talking to people is the core of the issue. I do believe it is the side-effect of the core issue.

I created a log (out of a journal I created a year ago) of a few things I found noteworthy that I plan to bring to a professional sometime this month.

Do some yoga, preferably in a class. Really, it can change your relationship with anxiety. I didn't think it was possible, but it works, with no side effects.
In the mean time, try this to get your feet wet:

http://www.kundaliniyoga.org/pranayam.html

Good luck!

I've been researching a bit and found this thing called CBT that seems to work really well when it comes to anxiety.
 

Coriolis

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How to tame it.

The difference between being overly shy, having social anxiety, and being an introvert?
Reasonable definitions have already been posted. I will add simply that fear of social interaction is not at all the same as dislike of it. Each of us should feel free to socialize at our own pace, and in our own way. Anxiety that comes from how others react to your natural socializing preferences is addressed differently from that stemming from social interactions themselves.
 

21%

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I have a new theory that some of this can be addressed through extreme empathy. Side with the other people and not yourself. Take a genuine interest in other people and not what they might be thinking of you. Then there is no room for the ego, and no room for anxiety.
 

Vilku

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i have interestingly the exact opposite kind of anxiety problem. i cant stand alone time, it drives me crazy, neurotic, obsessive.. the anxiety is just unbearable so i do all kinds of movement things to ease it. but people calm me down. i feel safe when i have a connection to another being.

i think it has to do with wings, i would classify that in each enneagram, one wing deals with the internal world while another with the external, this is why people experience different kinds of anxieties.

my father is a 6w5 too,(istp, sp so) and he has exactly the same thing as youre explaining. i would say, that anxiety is simply you being unhealthy.

ive been trying to find a perfect philosophy that would give me security when im alone, but so far i havent really found anything. currently the best working method to ease my anxiety has been gut, when i just focus on being stronger than my anxiety to overcome it. it works, but its really exhausting.

also analyzing my anxiety instead of just impulsively getting neurotic seems to help, helps me become more aware of the problem.
 

Coriolis

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I have a new theory that some of this can be addressed through extreme empathy. Side with the other people and not yourself. Take a genuine interest in other people and not what they might be thinking of you. Then there is no room for the ego, and no room for anxiety.
Most of the time, I have no interest in either. That can be even more effective. The stakes become so low in interactions that there is no basis for pressure, and no anxiety.
 

Cellmold

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Most of the time, I have no interest in either. That can be even more effective. The stakes become so low in interactions that there is no basis for pressure, and no anxiety.

Is that the natural state for you? I will say myself that if I am anxious I dislike being so, but it is there nonetheless and the truth is that it is automatic when I become self conscious in the manner that [MENTION=6971]21%[/MENTION] identified.
 

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Most of the time, I have no interest in either. That can be even more effective. The stakes become so low in interactions that there is no basis for pressure, and no anxiety.
That's a good strategy too. Harder to do when you're younger, I think. When I was young I used to have a lot of social anxiety but then ultimately realized I was being self-obsessed. Since I could not turn off the 'caring' (whether about what they think of me or what they are feeling, e.g. am I being rude or inconsiderate?), I just pushed it to the other extreme.

As I'm getting older I don't really care as much what people think of me, especially in personal relationships. In business relationships I still feel a lot of anxiety though, like whether I am making a good impression or if I'm being nice enough to the customer.
 

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Is that the natural state for you? I will say myself that if I am anxious I dislike being so, but it is there nonetheless and the truth is that it is automatic when I become self conscious in the manner that [MENTION=6971]21%[/MENTION] identified.
I think thinkers have a much easier time 'not thinking too much'. I'm always in awe of how gracefully thinkers can say 'no'. In the same situation I'd be ridden with guilt and feeling obliged, so I try to learn from them.

I was extremely self-conscious in my teens, I think, to the point that when I'm with people I only felt what they felt about me. I couldn't see myself. I wasn't in touch with my own feelings. I was just so obsessed with what was 'happening' between me and other people. I've learned that once you focus inwards towards your own self and try to remain true to your genuine feelings, and at the same time focus outwards towards other people and try to see them for who they are without expectation or judgment, your communication becomes more natural and a lot less stressful.
 

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I have a new theory that some of this can be addressed through extreme empathy. Side with the other people and not yourself. Take a genuine interest in other people and not what they might be thinking of you. Then there is no room for the ego, and no room for anxiety.

Most of the time, I have no interest in either. That can be even more effective. The stakes become so low in interactions that there is no basis for pressure, and no anxiety.

Both cases are a bit unnatural for me.

Having general interest in others leads to what they are thinking of me, precisely because I am thinking about them thinking about me. It is genuine because I think about them enough that I'm thinking about how I am to them. Not sure if I made it even more confusing? :thinking: It is sort of like this: I take an interest in you and get to know you a little better. So, hey, I find out you are pretty cool. I hang out with you a little more. I did something I think I should not have, and the negative loop just goes. Part of it is natural that I'll be affecting others in ways I see as aggravating. I understand that. But my mind does it anyways. It starts questioning me of things I should of done and what I should of not done.

Not thinking of either one doesn't help my situation, mostly because I see myself as escaping the situation if I choose to do so. I'm willing to interact, it is just that interacting is harder than it needs to be. Ohhhh, and the career I am getting into requires social interaction (I know.... but it is because the topics of it is interesting.)

Interacting online is a different story though, I can interact and not worry much. Now, if I were to meet and interact with you people in real life, that is a different story. You'd probably won't notice much, but it is all there. I'd probably even look calm (strangely... a lot of people's reactions.)

my father is a 6w5 too,(istp, sp so) and he has exactly the same thing as youre explaining. i would say, that anxiety is simply you being unhealthy.

also analyzing my anxiety instead of just impulsively getting neurotic seems to help, helps me become more aware of the problem.

Yeah, I'm beginning to take more serious steps into analyzing my own mind, or I have been doing it for a while now.
 

Coriolis

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Is that the natural state for you? I will say myself that if I am anxious I dislike being so, but it is there nonetheless and the truth is that it is automatic when I become self conscious in the manner that [MENTION=6971]21%[/MENTION] identified.
I become anxious at times, but rarely due to what I imagine others think of me, or the thought of interacting with people. I will wonder about the tangible effects of my words (did I explain something well enough for the other person to do it? was the info I gave someone correct?), but rarely about what they think of me. I consider feedback, but rarely get it. I have little personal interest in others outside my immediate circle of family and friends. I will take interest to the extent necessary to work together, or interact in other necessary ways. I don't, however, need or want to hear the details of their personal lives. When I find myself in such discussions, it is not anxiety but annoyance that I feel, and I try to terminate the interaction ASAP.

I think thinkers have a much easier time 'not thinking too much'. I'm always in awe of how gracefully thinkers can say 'no'. In the same situation I'd be ridden with guilt and feeling obliged, so I try to learn from them.
Really? Most Ts I know, especially NTs, are accused of overthinking regularly. We avoid feelings of guilt and obligation by avoiding exactly that - unproductive feelings. We know we are under no obligation and there is nothing to feel guilty about because we have thought things through. I suppose this requires or is even based in a certain detachment from situations that is easier for the average T; our tendency not to take things personally.

As I'm getting older I don't really care as much what people think of me, especially in personal relationships. In business relationships I still feel a lot of anxiety though, like whether I am making a good impression or if I'm being nice enough to the customer.
I will have some concern in consequential situations like important meetings at work, etc. IME, however, being courteous and professional and having all my facts straight has been more than adequate. As long as I have done my homework and remain calm and focused*, any anxiety is minimal.

*a very natural state for me
 
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