Anxiety

[Cellmold]

I become anxious at times, but rarely due to what I imagine others think of me, or the thought of interacting with people. I will wonder about the tangible effects of my words (did I explain something well enough for the other person to do it? was the info I gave someone correct?), but rarely about what they think of me. I consider feedback, but rarely get it. I have little personal interest in others outside my immediate circle of family and friends. I will take interest to the extent necessary to work together, or interact in other necessary ways. I don't, however, need or want to hear the details of their personal lives. When I find myself in such discussions, it is not anxiety but annoyance that I feel, and I try to terminate the interaction ASAP.

Interesting, to be honest I used to have no patience myself for small talk surrounding people's personal lives and it still annoys me even now when someone seems to think I wish to hear their life story. But as I've become older, for some reason lve developed more tolerance for it.

As for terminating the interaction.....I still do that to be honest, although it's mainly a case of showing I am not listening or interested and they usually get the message. In my mind I visualise it as I pull a red cord and a privacy curtain descends upon me and then they sink into the floor looking confused. I doesn't win me many friend's but I'm OK with it.

 

[21%]

Having general interest in others leads to what they are thinking of me, precisely because I am thinking about them thinking about me. It is genuine because I think about them enough that I'm thinking about how I am to them. Not sure if I made it even more confusing? It is sort of like this: I take an interest in you and get to know you a little better. So, hey, I find out you are pretty cool. I hang out with you a little more. I did something I think I should not have, and the negative loop just goes. Part of it is natural that I'll be affecting others in ways I see as aggravating. I understand that. But my mind does it anyways. It starts questioning me of things I should of done and what I should of not done.

I used to fantasize about throwing myself out the window whenever I said something wrong and displeased other people. But then as I grew older I realized that nobody cared that much that they would take offense at what I had to say.

The strategy that I use requires that I be curious about other people and want to hear what they have to say. It's the same thing is approaching a new wikipedia article -- I don't have to care about what wikipedia thinks of me reading it. In the same way, if I am genuinely interested in that person the way I'm interested in learning something new, I'm usually more obsessed with learning about them than thinking about what they might be thinking of me.

Really? Most Ts I know, especially NTs, are accused of overthinking regularly. We avoid feelings of guilt and obligation by avoiding exactly that - unproductive feelings. We know we are under no obligation and there is nothing to feel guilty about because we have thought things through. I suppose this requires or is even based in a certain detachment from situations that is easier for the average T; our tendency not to take things personally.

That's why I put 'thinking' in quotation marks -- it's not exactly 'thinking', but it's more thinking about all the emotional clues that goes something like "that person said this, but then had this look, and then used this word, and then shrugged, so it must mean XYZ", which feelers are terribly good at. It can go on forever.

 

[Coriolis]

That's why I put 'thinking' in quotation marks -- it's not exactly 'thinking', but it's more thinking about all the emotional clues that goes something like "that person said this, but then had this look, and then used this word, and then shrugged, so it must mean XYZ", which feelers are terribly good at. It can go on forever.

So, overthinking about feeling. For me it usually stops with "that person said this". OK; does their statement include a question, request, or something else calling for a response? Is there useful information in it? I address these things and carry on.

 

[21%]

So, overthinking about feeling. For me it usually stops with "that person said this". OK; does their statement include a question, request, or something else calling for a response? Is there useful information in it? I address these things and carry on.

Yep

That is so very Te!