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  1. #11
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    Its not a simple thing you know because if you're going to be stereotypical about it there's plenty of introverts who occasionally engage in extrovert behaviour, perhaps its mandated by work, or extroverts who behave like introverts, I can be really bookish sometimes and people keep tell me its an introvert trait.
    The function dichotomies were never meant to be all-or-nothing, any more than being right handed implies never using your left. Everyone exhibits behavior typical of the opposite preference on a regular basis, just as we routinely use our non-preferred hand for many things. If someone watches me over time, though, and in a variety of settings, my hand preference and E/I preference will become quite clear. It does take energy to socialize, but as with money, I gladly spend that energy on interactions that are worth the cost.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  2. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    The function dichotomies were never meant to be all-or-nothing, any more than being right handed implies never using your left. Everyone exhibits behavior typical of the opposite preference on a regular basis, just as we routinely use our non-preferred hand for many things. If someone watches me over time, though, and in a variety of settings, my hand preference and E/I preference will become quite clear. It does take energy to socialize, but as with money, I gladly spend that energy on interactions that are worth the cost.
    I think you've got a good analogy here right up until you write about money, Freud used the money analogy when talking about socialising, that people have limited resources and they could be spent but Erich Fromm produced a good criticism of that deconstructing it as a result of Freud absorbing the prevailing ideology as fact.

    The exchange and investment models of relating and social interaction dont ring entirely true to me, some of the things Fromm had to say about it do ring truer, he theorised about relating and positing innate drives to do so and what happened when those were blocked or redirected.

  3. #13
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    It does take energy to socialize, but as with money, I gladly spend that energy on interactions that are worth the cost.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    I think you've got a good analogy here right up until you write about money, Freud used the money analogy when talking about socialising, that people have limited resources and they could be spent but Erich Fromm produced a good criticism of that deconstructing it as a result of Freud absorbing the prevailing ideology as fact.
    I don't know, the money analogy is exactly how it feels for me. Socializing "costs" a lot for me, so I only "spend" my energy on those interactions that are very important to me.
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

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  4. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquarelle View Post
    I don't know, the money analogy is exactly how it feels for me. Socializing "costs" a lot for me, so I only "spend" my energy on those interactions that are very important to me.
    Hmm, I dont really want to argue with your personal experience, because I'm not sure I can as your subjective experience is your subjective experience...

    ...but I would ask whether or not even socialising with those who are very important to you are "costly" or "taxing"?

    I have plenty of taxing interactions too, despite being extroverted and I believe that no matter how extroverted and socially inclined anyone is there are people who are taxing company for others and maybe always will be whatever feedback they experience or suspiscions they have about themselves.

    Fromm suggested that these sorts of individuals who consciously or unconsciously drain others are for different reasons more typical than they should be, again its about prevailing ideologies being absorbed, and as a result people experience relating and relationships differently than they should and analogies such as Freud's about money are more credible as a result.

    It makes a lot of sense to me, although I am extroverted, even if because of the available opportunities, contexts and people it is more in theory than in fact a lot of the time.

  5. #15
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    ...but I would ask whether or not even socialising with those who are very important to you are "costly" or "taxing"?
    Yes. All social interaction is costly. The only possible exception would be my mother. Maybe.

    There is kind of a tier of costliness. Those closest to me (mom, dad, spouse) are least costly, and I can spend time with them without requiring too much recharge time. But even being with my spouse, who I spend the most time with, becomes taxing after awhile. For example, because of his work schedule, about one week out of a month we don't see each other much at all. By the time that week rolls around, I'm usually really looking forward to absolute alone time. And if, for some reason, I don't get that week of alone time (like we plan a vacation for that week, for example), I get very testy until my next chance for alone time comes around.

    Second tier would be my 4 best girlfriends. And there's a huge gap between Tier 1 and Tier 2-- even with my best friends, once a month, for 2 hours at a time, is plenty for me. And this is doubling up-- I usually see 3 of them at one time, so to continue the money analogy, it's kind of like a buy-one-get-two-free deal. And after 2 hours I start to get antsy.

    Third tier would be people I know fairly well and feel comfy around.... like the other girls in my book club, a few coworkers, some of my spouse's friends. They're pretty taxing and I only commit to social events like that rarely. Book club is every 6 weeks. I rarely attend work social events. And things with my husband's friends, I do for him more than for myself, though I do like his friends a lot and enjoy seeing them from time to time.

    Anyone else falls in the 4th tier, meaning interactions are very costly, and would generally only commit to a social activity with them if there was another good reason, other than simply social interaction, to do so.

    The only place the money analogy breaks down, for me, is that the most precious interactions are the least costly.
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

    My blog:
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  6. #16
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    ^ That sounds really tiring just reading it.
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  7. #17
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    Hmm, I dont really want to argue with your personal experience, because I'm not sure I can as your subjective experience is your subjective experience...

    ...but I would ask whether or not even socialising with those who are very important to you are "costly" or "taxing"?

    I have plenty of taxing interactions too, despite being extroverted and I believe that no matter how extroverted and socially inclined anyone is there are people who are taxing company for others and maybe always will be whatever feedback they experience or suspiscions they have about themselves.

    Fromm suggested that these sorts of individuals who consciously or unconsciously drain others are for different reasons more typical than they should be, again its about prevailing ideologies being absorbed, and as a result people experience relating and relationships differently than they should and analogies such as Freud's about money are more credible as a result.

    It makes a lot of sense to me, although I am extroverted, even if because of the available opportunities, contexts and people it is more in theory than in fact a lot of the time.
    I have not read Freud or Fromm on this topic. The money analogy is meant to represent how I feel about socializing, nothing more. Describing something as costly is more value neutral than you seem to assume. Attending a concert or sporting event costs money, but usually brings great enjoyment. If the concert is lousy, though, you may regret the money you spent on your ticket.

    For me, it is a fact that socializing costs energy. The question then becomes whether what I get in return is worth it. An evening at home with a couple of my closest friends is well worth it. An afternoon at an acquaintance's wedding, probably not. Of course, extraverts can have unsatisfying social encounters as well, and regret the time and energy spent on them. All in all, though, they seem to have a much larger energy budget, and actually even "earn some income" from time spent with others.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  8. #18
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    Cost/benefit analysis is just one perspective of many, but it can be applied to virtually everything--including socializing. I personally make those calculations all the time with social situations.

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