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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Lol. You do realize that the very reason you are into us in the first place is coz we *do not* do directness, right? Any directness is considered either an attack or an attempt to usurp you of your power :P
    Hmm, I think that's only 50% true. When a girl says, "I want to go hiking" and looks at me expectantly the only thing that goes through my mind is "ok princess". Her denial to be direct in saying what she wants more or less implies the same thing and over time I'm going to lose interest. the ISFP I dated would say, "Lets go biking through the city." She took charge and would tell me what was what and then we'd go do it. And because she suggested it, she usually had the entire plan figured out beforehand. It made me feel like I wasn't taking care of someone, which was nice. I haven't dated enough IEI's to know if this is the case or not, though. I recently door slammed an IEI because she held a paper plate up to me and said, "can you go throw this out for me?"

    Yeah no.

  2. #22
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    Hmm, I think that's only 50% true. When a girl says, "I want to go hiking" and looks at expectantly the only thing that goes through my mind is "ok princess". Her denial to be direct in saying what she wants more or less implies the same thing and over time I'm going to lose interest. the ISFP I dated would say, "Lets go biking through the city." She took charge and would tell me what was what and then we'd go do it. And because she suggested it, she usually had the entire plan figured out beforehand. It made me feel like I wasn't taking care of someone, which was nice. I haven't dated enough IEI's to know if this is the case or not, though. I recently door slammed an IEI because she held a paper plate up to me and said, "can you go throw this out for me?"

    Yeah no.
    Well...good luck finding the right combo of assertiveness and passiveness that you like then
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  3. #23
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    Was the problem in how she didn't say "throw this out for me" instead of asking?
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  4. #24
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    hmm.

    Actually you're right. When I have girls directly reveal their interest it makes me suspicious.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by digest View Post
    Was the problem in how she didn't say "throw this out for me" instead of asking?
    Oh no she very blatantly said, "can you throw this out for me?" and held it up to my face with a dry look on her face as if I was her servant who'd do anything for her.

    forget it. now that I think about it I don't think my examples were relevant to the topic.

  6. #26
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    It takes...a lot of effort in the beginning to walk that tight rope of an SLE's paranoia. One small step and that door towards his trust closes forever. It also takes quite a mindreader (or the right combo of what you need to do naturally what it is that doesnt set you off) to navigate it properly. That or someone who knows how to redeem herself extremely well by being so enticing you cannot resist giving her a second chance.

    Those are some high demands, m'dear.

    ...and ironically...those demands often add up to someone who is extremely skilled at reading others and who has the capacity of manipulating you or making you her puppet, if she would choose to do so. In essence, your tests and hurdles are so difficult that only a pro - the thing you seem to be wanting to keep out - can make it. Let's just hope that the one who makes it is in fact very much in love with you
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  7. #27
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    Now that I think about it I don't think my examples were relevant to the topic. I was just thinking out loud.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    It takes...a lot of effort in the beginning to walk that tight rope of an SLE's paranoia. One small step and that door towards his trust closes forever. It also takes quite a mindreader (or the right combo of what you need to do naturally what it is that doesnt set you off) to navigate it properly. That or someone who knows how to redeem herself extremely well by being so enticing you cannot resist giving her a second chance.

    Those are some high demands, m'dear.

    ...and ironically...those demands often add up to someone who is extremely skilled at reading others and who has the capacity of manipulating you or making you her puppet, if she would choose to do so. In essence, your tests and hurdles are so difficult that only a pro - the thing you seem to be wanting to keep out - can make it. Let's just hope that the one who makes it is in fact very much in love with you
    not at all.

    I want someone who stands firm for what they believe in, has a sense of direction, and is independant enough that I don't have to take care of them until they need help. It has nothing to do with "dating skills." Any low self esteem person can pretend to have those.

    -self esteem
    -self respect
    -respect for others
    -willingness to love the other for who they are.
    -Degree of assertiveness and directness of speech so I don't have to sherlock holmes my way to find an answer

    Those are my requirements.

  9. #29
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    Oddly enough those traits are difficult to come by.

  10. #30
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    Those are doable traits, actually, imho. However, the assertiveness and directness for me only gets established after Ive gotten a feel for who they are and I feel that we have a degree of intimacy and trust going so I know I wont step on anyones toes and you will actually appreciate that directness

    It is something I only do when I feel our bond is strong enough for you to take what I throw at you, as such. Before that, I'll observe and flex, to gain the info I need to get to that point. But that point is most definitely my goal in every bond I create with someone else.
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