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  1. #1
    #KUWK Kierva's Avatar
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    Default Self-rending with impulse spending

    As above, I need help with spending. Normally you'd put this in a section about money and finance but I don't think it's purely that -- it's got a mind element to it.

    Often times when I'm aware that I have money in my wallet and I happen to be outside, my head goes: "Humm. I've got money in my wallet -- I should spend it." Inevitably I head into a store and walk out with a few goodies that I've justified my mind with. Usually I walk out with some skin care product, some consumable (like food and drink), books, games, whatever.

    I just askdjhkajhsg. Ugh I'm seeking help because I'm trying to save up for a trip to New York and it's so difficult to save money. I blame myself and my parents for this.

    I blame myself because I have this philosophy of seeing money as a resource to be used, and that time > money. It's also like "I HAVE TO SPEND THIS QUICKLY BEFORE MOM TAKES IT AWAY".

    I blame my parents because back when I was young, I would receive daily allowance... and whatever leftover from the day I would have to hand it back. Also, whenever the holidays would start my relatives would shower my cousins and I with money, and I was the only cousin who had to surrender his money to his mom.

    My mom would say "I need to pay the bills" and I thought to myself "Jesus fuckin christ leave me and my money alone! I want to spend it on the things I WANT!" I got bored of the "I need to pay the bills" argument real quick. I felt deprived.

    I nearly bit my pen into half when I'm writing this.

    It's not MY responsibility as a child to pay your bills, especially when I don't have a stable income. I didn't ask to be born, and because YOU made the choice you better uphold your responsibilities.

    Now that I've gotten a job as a copywriter intern at the biggest media company in Singapore, my mother is making me pay the bills. My salary isn't much; because if it was, I wouldn't be like this. Every time she shoves the bills in my face and asks me to pay them I totally lose my cool.

    I probably sound immature right now, but I'm just trying to defend my agenda. My agenda is to go to New York and I'm trying to make an effort to save up. I refuse to ask anything from my parents because they like to make empty promises and I can't rely on them to have my wants met. They are shoving their responsibilities on me and I absolutely resent it.

    inb4 "you can't always have what you want" and "it's part of growing up".

    I don't want to change destinations because it's been a dream of mine. I feel as though they're actively trying to kill my dreams.

    I've taken some steps... but it doesn't really seem to work out. I tried dumping my debit card by leaving it at home -- it seemed to work I guess? I can't do weekly allowances because of my tendency to spend the $$ ASAP.

    I guess what I'm trying to ask:

    - How can I curb this need to spend whenever I have money in my wallet?
    - How can I make my agenda clear to other people to STOP harping on my piggybank?
    - How can I control my spending, given my tendencies and habits?
    - What are the small, incremental changes in my habits that I can adopt to save money?

    Sorry if I sounded as though I was ranting. I had to let it out, and now I'm seeking ways to defend my agenda and piggybank.
    C#2-C#5-F#5
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  2. #2
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-st...owing-up-poor/

    The only thing that really works for me is to set things up so that the money is not in my possession, like a payroll deduction or automatic deposit.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #3
    #KUWK Kierva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-5-st...owing-up-poor/

    The only thing that really works for me is to set things up so that the money is not in my possession, like a payroll deduction or automatic deposit.
    Fantastic and humorous article... though I found it lacking in the "how to get out of this mindset" part.

    Maybe it's because of the "lack of" mindset?

    I don't know. When it comes to grocery shopping I always get bundles and think ahead, but not when it comes to happening to have money and I have no agenda while having it.

    Maybe set yourself an agenda or remind yourself of what you REALLY want?

    Thoughts?
    C#2-C#5-F#5
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  4. #4
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I have basically given up on saving anything in a way I can conveniently get my hands on it. I pay bills first and make sure we've got groceries and gas, but money burns a hole in my pocket like I'm a crack addict or something. I could work on trying to fix myself or I can accept it's one of my failings and do my best to work around it. Right now, my husband has money automatically taken out of his account each week and put into a separate account I don't have easy access to. I don't miss the money and it doesn't tempt me. We also put money into a medical savings and when he is eligible for a 401K, we'll do the largest contribution we can afford.

    I would imagine the best way to address the problem would be using principles based on the concept of limited self-control. Make a budget with a somewhat generous allowance for indulgences so you don't feel deprived. It's basically a lot like dieting or quitting smoking, I'd imagine.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #5
    #KUWK Kierva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I have basically given up on saving anything in a way I can conveniently get my hands on it. I pay bills first and make sure we've got groceries and gas, but money burns a hole in my pocket like I'm a crack addict or something. I could work on trying to fix myself or I can accept it's one of my failings and do my best to work around it. Right now, my husband has money automatically taken out of his account each week and put into a separate account I don't have easy access to. I don't miss the money and it doesn't tempt me. We also put money into a medical savings and when he is eligible for a 401K, we'll do the largest contribution we can afford.

    I would imagine the best way to address the problem would be using principles based on the concept of limited self-control. Make a budget with a somewhat generous allowance for indulgences so you don't feel deprived. It's basically a lot like dieting or quitting smoking, I'd imagine.
    This reminds me of "sustainable actions" in those environmental awareness programs lol.

    edit: I finally broke my pen. >.>
    C#2-C#5-F#5
    3 octaves, 2 notes and 1 semitone
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  6. #6

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    For this technique you must have a very concentrated brain.

  7. #7
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    @Vetani - one solution: don't carry cash in your wallet beyond what would get you home in an emergency from somewhere. Fold it up behind some card in there you never use or something. Forget it's even there. You shouldn't see it regularly when you open your wallet for anything.

    Set up a direct deposit for paychecks if possible, to go into a bank account. Or immediately deposit it when you get it. No excuses. Never touch it for anything beyond basic needs. Taking these extra measures to access your money will probably help you to pause and think, Do I REALLY need this? If getting out really matters that much to you, the answer will be pretty clear when you really stop & consider.

    Never tell your parents the account exists, if you're trying to leave. They are not entitled to that information just because you share the same dwelling- or genetic code, for that matter. Contribute to your own basic needs for food, etc. You are an adult, and they are not responsible for those needs anymore, regardless of where you live. I imagine the amount of electricity & water you personally, specifically consume per month may be negligible costs, but I don't know- you could have a private arcade in your room, or leave lights & shit on all the time.

    Anyway, I would think most parents would want to cut their kid a break if they dream of going elsewhere, but some can be unreasonable, or even sabotage consciously or unconsciously while struggling with their own issues, or adjusting to your transition into adulthood, their loss of control. In the end, if you want out, do it. Just take care of YOUR needs, financially. Save the rest. And just go on acting as though you spent the rest on stupid irresponsible crap/don't correct them if they start complaining or accusing/lecturing you of this. Deal with their bitching, because if it's really that bad, there.. you'll hear it either way. There are some menial, non-monetary ways you can also contribute to the household to quell some of the complaints, in the short-term. Even if you don't enjoy it, it might keep things more neutral.


    This may not sound entirely "morally upright" to some people, but when you feel trapped, the most you can do is take care of you. Get out, asap, is the priority.

    Just my 2 cents.

    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
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  8. #8
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    If I understand people like I think I do, there is likely no quick fix for your problem. The habits are ingrained in your psyche. I am the same way. You will always have access to what money you possess, I don't care what you do with it. Allow ten minutes per day of dedicated thought regarding your spending habits and the change you desire will follow.


    If you're feeling weak-willed at any time, play this clip in your mind:





    A real tip, I guess: Set up an automatic deposit at whatever interval you desire from your checking account to your savings. I tried, still transferred it back when my funds were running low.

  9. #9
    #KUWK Kierva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    @Vetani - one solution: don't carry cash in your wallet beyond what would get you home in an emergency from somewhere. Fold it up behind some card in there you never use or something. Forget it's even there. You shouldn't see it regularly when you open your wallet for anything.

    Set up a direct deposit for paychecks if possible, to go into a bank account. Or immediately deposit it when you get it. No excuses. Never touch it for anything beyond basic needs. Taking these extra measures to access your money will probably help you to pause and think, Do I REALLY need this? If getting out really matters that much to you, the answer will be pretty clear when you really stop & consider.

    Never tell your parents the account exists, if you're trying to leave. They are not entitled to that information just because you share the same dwelling- or genetic code, for that matter. Contribute to your own basic needs for food, etc. You are an adult, and they are not responsible for those needs anymore, regardless of where you live. I imagine the amount of electricity & water you personally, specifically consume per month may be negligible costs, but I don't know- you could have a private arcade in your room, or leave lights & shit on all the time.

    Anyway, I would think most parents would want to cut their kid a break if they dream of going elsewhere, but some can be unreasonable, or even sabotage consciously or unconsciously while struggling with their own issues, or adjusting to your transition into adulthood, their loss of control. In the end, if you want out, do it. Just take care of YOUR needs, financially. Save the rest. And just go on acting as though you spent the rest on stupid irresponsible crap/don't correct them if they start complaining or accusing/lecturing you of this. Deal with their bitching, because if it's really that bad, there.. you'll hear it either way. There are some menial, non-monetary ways you can also contribute to the household to quell some of the complaints, in the short-term. Even if you don't enjoy it, it might keep things more neutral.


    This may not sound entirely "morally upright" to some people, but when you feel trapped, the most you can do is take care of you. Get out, asap, is the priority.

    Just my 2 cents.

    It's exactly what I'm doing right now. The company I'm working for deposits cash directly into my account. When I do get the money I set aside 1/3 for savings, 1/3 for my expenses and the other 1/3 for bills. I withdraw 1/3 of the money allocated to expenses (transport, food etc) and change them all into $5 bills at the bank. I put the bills into a secret piggybank of mine in my room, then dump my debit card somewhere. Everyday I limit myself to taking one $5 at a time.

    Quote Originally Posted by superunknown View Post
    If I understand people like I think I do, there is likely no quick fix for your problem. The habits are ingrained in your psyche. I am the same way. You will always have access to what money you possess, I don't care what you do with it. Allow ten minutes per day of dedicated thought regarding your spending habits and the change you desire will follow.


    If you're feeling weak-willed at any time, play this clip in your mind:





    A real tip, I guess: Set up an automatic deposit at whatever interval you desire from your checking account to your savings. I tried, still transferred it back when my funds were running low.
    Yeah I've been doing that -- thinking about how I spend money. I also avoid shopping centers and I force myself to stay at work for lunch. Food here is cheaper than the overpriced piece of crap you see in food courts.

    Now I got it under control -- I'm 3/5th away from getting my plane tickets at the end of this month if I keep doing what I'm doing.
    C#2-C#5-F#5
    3 octaves, 2 notes and 1 semitone
    Supported range: F#2-F#4-C#5

  10. #10
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    boyfriend grew up broker than broke and has therefore devised all kinds of ways to hide his money from himself to avoid spending it before he's saved for his special spending sprees, such as:

    - saving every single $1 bill and all of his quarters in a secret, undisclosed location that's out of his way... as I'm the one who's the mover in this house, all he has to do is hide it a few yards from one of his paths and he won't bother it

    - splitting some of the money out of every paycheck into a bank account with no debit card... hard to spend if you actually have to go to the bank

    - taking someone hideously cheap and practical shopping with him... I tend to ask "what are you going to use that for?" "are you just buying it because it's on clearance?" "don't you already have 3 of those?" or similar questions (I hate spending money on anything unnecessary to the point where he occasionally tells me that I should go and buy something nice every once in a while... or at least some new socks )

    - putting a picture of what he wants on his phone to discourage him

    - his odd love of making budgetary financial spreadsheets to get a big picture of where his money is, where it goes and what's needed for what
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

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