As above, I need help with spending. Normally you'd put this in a section about money and finance but I don't think it's purely that -- it's got a mind element to it.
Often times when I'm aware that I have money in my wallet and I happen to be outside, my head goes: "Humm. I've got money in my wallet -- I should spend it." Inevitably I head into a store and walk out with a few goodies that I've justified my mind with. Usually I walk out with some skin care product, some consumable (like food and drink), books, games, whatever.
I just askdjhkajhsg. Ugh I'm seeking help because I'm trying to save up for a trip to New York and it's so difficult to save money. I blame myself and my parents for this.
I blame myself because I have this philosophy of seeing money as a resource to be used, and that time > money. It's also like "I HAVE TO SPEND THIS QUICKLY BEFORE MOM TAKES IT AWAY".
I blame my parents because back when I was young, I would receive daily allowance... and whatever leftover from the day I would have to hand it back. Also, whenever the holidays would start my relatives would shower my cousins and I with money, and I was the only cousin who had to surrender his money to his mom.
My mom would say "I need to pay the bills" and I thought to myself "Jesus fuckin christ leave me and my money alone! I want to spend it on the things I WANT!" I got bored of the "I need to pay the bills" argument real quick. I felt deprived.
I nearly bit my pen into half when I'm writing this.
It's not MY responsibility as a child to pay your bills, especially when I don't have a stable income. I didn't ask to be born, and because YOU made the choice you better uphold your responsibilities.
Now that I've gotten a job as a copywriter intern at the biggest media company in Singapore, my mother is making me pay the bills. My salary isn't much; because if it was, I wouldn't be like this. Every time she shoves the bills in my face and asks me to pay them I totally lose my cool.
I probably sound immature right now, but I'm just trying to defend my agenda. My agenda is to go to New York and I'm trying to make an effort to save up. I refuse to ask anything from my parents because they like to make empty promises and I can't rely on them to have my wants met. They are shoving their responsibilities on me and I absolutely resent it.
inb4 "you can't always have what you want" and "it's part of growing up".
I don't want to change destinations because it's been a dream of mine. I feel as though they're actively trying to kill my dreams.
I've taken some steps... but it doesn't really seem to work out. I tried dumping my debit card by leaving it at home -- it seemed to work I guess? I can't do weekly allowances because of my tendency to spend the $$ ASAP.
I guess what I'm trying to ask:
- How can I curb this need to spend whenever I have money in my wallet?
- How can I make my agenda clear to other people to STOP harping on my piggybank?
- How can I control my spending, given my tendencies and habits?
- What are the small, incremental changes in my habits that I can adopt to save money?
Sorry if I sounded as though I was ranting. I had to let it out, and now I'm seeking ways to defend my agenda and piggybank.