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  1. #1
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    Cool Mental Toughness

    I'm looking for tips on being more assertive, making one's presence felt, toughening up, exploding dumb IF stereotypes, growing a thicker skin, fighting for your rights, voicing dissent, and all those great things. The topic is intentionally broad.

    While this is all good stuff in the long run, I am also gearing up for an event where public discussion and debate is paramount, and everyone has really got to keep it together. Every useful suggestion will receive its very own report back on how I rocked it.
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  2. #2
    Theta Male Julius_Van_Der_Beak's Avatar
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    Remember that it's ok to focus on yourself and think about your needs/perspective.

    Journal, and figure out what your stance on things is. Don't be afraid to come to a conclusion if it leads you there.

    And remember that sometimes, it's good for people to hear the truth. Even if it makes them uncomfortable in the short term, it may prove beneficial for them in the long term.
    [Trump's] rhetoric is not an abuse of power. In the same way that it's also not against the law to do a backflip off of the roof of your house onto your concrete driveway. It's just mind-numbingly stupid and, to say the least, counterproductive. - Bush did 9-11


    This is not going to go the way you think....

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  3. #3
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Webslinger View Post
    I'm looking for tips on being more assertive, making one's presence felt, toughening up, exploding dumb IF stereotypes, growing a thicker skin, fighting for your rights, voicing dissent, and all those great things. The topic is intentionally broad.

    While this is all good stuff in the long run, I am also gearing up for an event where public discussion and debate is paramount, and everyone has really got to keep it together. Every useful suggestion will receive its very own report back on how I rocked it.

    As an INTP I'm not the most assertive person but I do shine in debate settings. The best advice is to be overly prepared in the topic at hand. Then if someone questions you or disagrees you'll have a whole mess of facts to shut them down with. Also remember it's not personal. Forget yourself as a person, forget them as a person. It's not about you as people it's about the ideas, and you guys are just there as loudspeakers. Don't be afraid to offend with the facts and don't get offended by them.

  4. #4
    jump sleuthiness's Avatar
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    Let me know once you figure out what I really mean, Webslinger.

    thinking of you

  5. #5
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Try to keep the emotion off of your face. Meaning, Don't half smile at others (for instance), and especially don't do it when you are alone. Remain completely neutral in this way. Then analyse the situation from that place.

  6. #6
    redundant descriptor netzealot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Webslinger View Post
    I'm looking for tips on being more assertive, making one's presence felt, toughening up, exploding dumb IF stereotypes, growing a thicker skin, fighting for your rights, voicing dissent, and all those great things. The topic is intentionally broad.

    While this is all good stuff in the long run, I am also gearing up for an event where public discussion and debate is paramount, and everyone has really got to keep it together. Every useful suggestion will receive its very own report back on how I rocked it.
    No, your mindset is all wrong. You're talking about posturing, which is the antithesis to real mental toughness.

    Exhibit A:



    Posturing is for people who have little or no substance to rely on. Sure, most of young American males rely on posturing, and for that reason it is, many times, a passable way of survival, but come against one person with substance and you're gonna get washed away.

    So, it's up to you. You can be a posturer or you can be a predator. Posturing is less work since it is essentially "faking it" and like I said, it will "work" many times which gives many people the illusion that they're "making it", hence 'fake it till you make it'. Just realize that in reality it's a house of cards.

    Imagine two guys in a bar, challenging each other and bumping chests. These guys are posturing. If a fight were actually to occur, it would only be to preserve their appearance. Why do you want to be one of those guys? The only way to be universally believable (which is the key to winning a debate, no?) is to truly not be out to prove anything.

    To become a predator, just throw out the whole notion of success by acting and search for the truth. Merely having the desire to look for it will give you a consistent means of traction by which to work towards equally true success.

    Just to give you a glimpse at my mindset, call it predatory game-theory if you will... at times I will often posture and play the game to blend in. This does 2 things, mainly it reduces the amount of times I actually get in a fight (which not only alerts everyone that I am a real threat, but I actually don't stand to gain anything from a fight since I have nothing to prove). If I do actually have to fight (be it physically, mentally, verbally, whatever) they often don't even know where to begin to understand why they lost so it's usually a short and conclusive failure for the other person(s) which is beneficial for the same reasons as the first motive.

  7. #7
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Do things that scare and/or challenge you a little bit.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  8. #8
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    @LevelZeroHero, I don't know how you got a posturing vibe from my OP, which I tried to make as open as possible. But I have made the mistake before, so, it all works out. I'm just not clear on you mean in this context when you say "substance". I figure it's, as you put it, searching for truth without relying on acting, or having no need for appearances because you are secure in your real capacities and cultivate them instead of compensate for not nurturing them. Like, there is a place for showmanship, but practicing your skills is a better use of time.

    The video gets another point across: even before the fight began, I believed more in the winner's abilities! Someone like the loser isn't only screwed themselves in the face of a natural, but everyone around them can tell the difference when they're standing next to each other, and the former is exposed before a single blow. Does that all sound like I'm following you?

    Thanks to everyone else for answering, too, and I'll be back to read it all again and reply.
    4w3 6w5 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

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    Kiss Kiss [johari] Bang Bang [nohari]

  9. #9
    redundant descriptor netzealot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Webslinger View Post
    cultivate them instead of compensate for not nurturing them. Like, there is a place for showmanship, but practicing your skills is a better use of time.
    Exactly what I mean, that was well said. It's a little slower but pays off in the long run.

  10. #10
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Webslinger View Post
    I'm looking for tips on being more assertive, making one's presence felt,
    Learn to speak up for yourself, literally and figuratively. This involves risk, in that calling attention to yourself and your ideas can get a negative, even hostile response. Imagine what that might be ahead of time, so you can anticipate possible replies. Don't fall back on smoothing things over through tentative wording or apologetic replies. Instead, pare down your remarks to core points and what you need to back them up. Think "just the facts". Also, if you have a quiet voice and speak slowly or with hesitation, practice speaking with more volume and projection. Use a topic you know alot about so the focus of this exercise is just the oral presentation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Webslinger View Post
    toughening up, exploding dumb IF stereotypes, growing a thicker skin,
    Above all, don't take anything personally, even if it is meant to be personal. Understand it is a reflection of the other person (it really is) and his/her style of presentation (or simple inability to be civil). Consider the remarks of others with a sense of detachment. Focus on any factual content, and assess it for validity. Then respond to that. Sometimes the best response i

    Quote Originally Posted by Webslinger View Post
    fighting for your rights, voicing dissent, and all those great things.
    The first step here is to be very clear about what you want. What do you have the right to, and how is it being denied? What is the root of your dissent, and what do you think would be a better approach - and why? The heart of debating is being able to make a case for your point of view. This rests on the application of correct logic to equally correct facts. Attack either successfully, and the case is not made. When I was on the debating team in high school, the usual methodology was to identify a specific need or problem, and then present a solution. The opposing team could win by showing sufficient flaws in either.

    An important part of advocating anything is being able to shoot down potential objections of opponents, before they are even voiced. This also includes being aware of potential problems of your approach (e.g. implementation cost), and ways to address them, or to show how they won't actually materialize. If you want to accomplish something practically vs. just win a debate, it can help to acknowledge up front the legitimate concers of the other side. This lays the foundation for the classic "win-win" scenario, or at least a compromise in which each side gets a significant part of what they want.

    Bottom line: do your homework; be clear on your objectives; practice, practice, practice; learn from your mistakes; don't take anything personally.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

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