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  1. #1
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Default Hope & Expectation

    What is the relationship between hope and expectation? I have the ability to let go of expectation, but it doesn't feel like a great Buddhist-type enlightenment, but more of a resigned cynicism that also lets go of hope. When I have hope there is always some element of expectation which makes it feel especially fragile. I totally get how letting go of expectation can bring peace, but how to do such a thing without giving up hope?
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I wish I knew.

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    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    A quote I like by Pema Chödrön:


    Hope and fear come from feeling that we lack something; they come from a sense of poverty. We can’t simply relax with ourselves. We hold on to hope, and hope robs us of the present moment. We feel that someone else knows what’s going on, but that there’s something missing in us, and therefore something is lacking in our world.

    Rather than letting our negativity get the better of us, we could acknowledge that right now we feel like a piece of shit and not be squeamish about taking a good look. That’s the compassionate thing to do. That’s the brave thing to do. We can’t just jump over ourselves as if we were not there. It’s better to take a straight look at all our hopes and fears. Then some kind of confidence in our basic sanity arises.

    [And then another quote uumlau has previously posted in response to the one above, from the Tao Te Ching:]

    13

    Success is as dangerous as failure.
    Hope is as hollow as fear.

    What does it mean that success is a dangerous as failure?
    Whether you go up the ladder or down it,
    your position is shaky.
    When you stand with your two feet on the ground,
    you will always keep your balance.

    What does it mean that hope is as hollow as fear?
    Hope and fear are both phantoms
    that arise from thinking of the self.
    When we don't see the self as self,
    what do we have to fear?

    See the world as your self.
    Have faith in the way things are.
    Love the world as your self;
    then you can care for all things.

    And then I just read something regarding expectations along the same vein, yesterday, by Carl Rogers. I'll have to come back with that one when I've got the book handy. eta: Okay I’ve found the quote and I’m not sure it (or the quotes above) is the kind of food for thought being sought in the op- but it’s Carl Rogers and therefore possibly worth posting anyway. From “Growing Old: or Older and Growing?”:

    In my marriage of so many years, and in these friendships, I am continuing to learn more in the realm of intimacy. I am becoming more sharply aware of the times when I experience pain, anger, frustration, and rejection, as well as the closeness born of shared meanings or the satisfaction of being understood or accepted. I have learned how hard it is to confront with negative feelings a person whom I care about deeply. I have learned how expectations in a relationship turn very easily into demands made on the relationship. In my experience, I have found that one of the hardest things for me is to care for a person for whatever he or she is, at that time, in the relationship. It is so much easier to care for others for what I think they are, or wish they would be, or feel they should be. To care for this person for what he or she is, dropping my own expectations of what I want him or her to be for me, dropping my desire to change this person to suit my needs, is a most difficult but enriching way to a satisfying intimate relationship.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

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    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    This is an interesting question. I think the simplest answer I could give right now is to not lose hope for the best possible outcome but to let go of your expectations of others and their actions. For example, regarding a marriage proposal you could think "oh, he probably wouldn't do anything too big or cutesy because he's not like that" but you could still think "regardless of how he proposes, I'm sure it'll be magical and make me happy." I'm going to have to think about this question more and come back later.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    What is the relationship between hope and expectation? I have the ability to let go of expectation, but it doesn't feel like a great Buddhist-type enlightenment, but more of a resigned cynicism that also lets go of hope. When I have hope there is always some element of expectation which makes it feel especially fragile. I totally get how letting go of expectation can bring peace, but how to do such a thing without giving up hope?
    For my two cents this should go to the philosophy and spirituality thread.

    I'm not sure how you can seperate the two, I'm not sure that people should, and I'm not sure that living without either is a good idea.

    There are many things in buddhism which many people think are good things, that they try to personify like living in the present moment and not thinking about the past or future but I dont like the idea of those things at all, much better to be part of an unbroken chain stretching from past to future and to anticipate with hope the future than to exist in a present unmoved and unmoveable.

    The exchange between the hebrewic-christian-western traditions and eastern buddhism is very worthy, each can highlight the flaws and short comings of the other very well, its a good example of the thesis-antithesis-synthesis-new thesis idea.

  6. #6
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Maybe expectation is more rigid and controlling? Perhaps it is about internal constructs that people want to bend reality towards.

    Hope ay be more flexible and is based on a principle which may be applied to reality any number of ways? Perhaps it interacts more directly with the external world and what it can actually offer?
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  7. #7
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    hope = positive expectation
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  8. #8

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    For me hope and expectations are same the things, just different words.

  9. #9
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    For a 6... a familiar question.

    I think there is something about trust in there. Trusting that you will be all right regardless of what happens.

    Quote Originally Posted by Max Ehrmann, Desiderata ("desired things")
    Go placidly amid the noise and haste [...] whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

  10. #10
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    What is the relationship between hope and expectation? I have the ability to let go of expectation, but it doesn't feel like a great Buddhist-type enlightenment, but more of a resigned cynicism that also lets go of hope. When I have hope there is always some element of expectation which makes it feel especially fragile. I totally get how letting go of expectation can bring peace, but how to do such a thing without giving up hope?

    This was so hard for me to really grasp at first. I was always constantly being disappointed by my hopes and expectations not happening. My question was how can I have hope without lowering my expectations. But I realized I was putting everything in a box.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh66LZ1S4RY

    In this video he explains what I mean by "box"

    And also personally I had a religious upbringing and came to the realization that it was all shit. After that I was desperate to find out what this whole life thing was about. And I've kinda came across my own "religion" in a sense that I do some of the same things everyday ( religiously or continuously) out of respect for source/universe whatever you want to call it. So when I'm continually trusting in source or pretty much from a non-religious stand point ...that phrase that "life has a way of working itself out" Or "Everything's going to be ok" <-- when I do that. I'm constantly amazed at what I'm grateful for in my life.

    I think being grateful with what u have .... is like the doorway to having more. And as long as u have trust like skylights says then it will continue.



    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    For a 6... a familiar question.

    I think there is something about trust in there. Trusting that you will be all right regardless of what happens.
    yes
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

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