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Dissociative Disorder

AphroditeGoneAwry

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I have a friend with dissociative disorder. I'm not even sure they are my friend, but I am their friend. Sometimes it's wonderful and sometimes it's highly frustrating dealing with this friend.

It seems we play this game of getting closer, then they push away, really hard!, and it's tough. This has happened often enough it feels like it must be some sort of reactive attachment disorder playing out, but it's still hard.

I am human and loving, and I want to have this person in my life, but I'm not sure they want me in their life?

Just wanted to share. I love this person very much and would love knowing all about their personalities, but when they hurt me, it is really, really hard.
 
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Glycerine

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It usually has more to do with them than you. To be honest, I have that tendency with people. For me, I feel uncomfortable getting close to people (I start to close off when I feel exposed). Also, it might be that I am trying to work through some issues where I block out most of the people in my life.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Thanks for saying so. I have read that they can have a 'sentry' personality that keeps guard over the core person and other personalities and that it is like hitting a brick wall. I think I have run into that with a few of her personalities...I'm wondering if they can have more than one sentry? This person seems to have several, honestly, mostly female.


Why do you block out people in your life?
 
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Glycerine

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Does she have dissociative identity disorder?

I don't have DID but for me, blocking others out has always been my main protective defense/coping mechanism. In a sense, your mind/self is your only haven when you feel like there is nowhere to turn. It can be quite useful but if you go too far, you start to isolate yourself.

If your friend has DID, she probably has protective mechanisms up the wazoo because DID is, in a way, an extreme form of compartmentalizing/protective mechanism for some people who have been incredibly traumatized, typically speaking.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Yes. But I think it's more DDNOS: Dissociative disorder not otherwise specified. Meaning that she doesn't seem to have the amnesia as much as those do with straight DID, though I think she has some. Also, there does seem to be co-consciousness at play, where she knows what she is doing with all the other personalities--I've seen it in action.

But she also seems to switch back and forth quickly, too quickly sometimes, which makes me think overlaying the DDNOS there is a somewhat voluntary con-artiste at work, making various 'characters' in addition to the primary personalities. So, several layers of dissociative disorder?

She's quite complex, which is one of the reasons why I love her so much. I also wonder if it's really just her or if her sibling is involved....sometimes there is just too much going on to be attributed to one person. :huh:
 
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Glycerine

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Interesting! :D The mind can do fascinating things to protect itself, can't it?

The number of personalities can range from 2-100+.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Yes. That is what I've read.

Wouldn't one want to integrate these personalities back into one person? I've read it's stressful switching around all the time. I'd imagine that is taxing on a body.
 
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Glycerine

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Possibly. However, I would think that if you have been in that state for a long time, it would just become normal to you. If it has been your main way to deal with trauma for such a long time, I wonder how it would be possible to deal with it any other way.
 

Totenkindly

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Possibly. However, I would think that if you have been in that state for a long time, it would just become normal to you. If it has been your main way to deal with trauma for such a long time, I wonder how it be possible to deal with it any other way.

That's the big problem. I think it's the same kind of process as any form of "integration" or having to dismantle old self-protective safety measures in order to become a whole aware healthy person... It's just that Dissociative Disorder is far more complex and extreme. You have these approaches to life that you developed to prevent yourself from deep harm or even death, you are accustomed to them, you know them, and now someone is saying that they are bad for you and that you must not just give up what has given you security and life but also develop something new and as yet undefinied?

It's not easy even with lesser conditions, and in those cases the person at least has awareness of everything on some level; with this condition, you're not even aware (sometimes) of the extent of what you are not perceiving because it lies in the domain of another personality.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Interesting! :D The mind can do fascinating things to protect itself, can't it?

The number of personalities can range from 2-100+.

The problem is, and this is in regard to [MENTION=7]Jennifer[/MENTION] 's post too, that you no longer need it for a survival mechanism....And it becomes, ironically, a death trap of sorts, pulling you away from real life and relationships.
 
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Glycerine

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What you say is true but there are certain disorders that can only be maintained or improved slightly no matter what you do to try and "cure" them. For people with dissociative disorders it is so ingrained into their psyche because of SEVERE trauma.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Yeah. It seems they have to want to have a real life over their disjointed life enough to work through the traumatic memories, etc. I can see that many wouldn't want to do that, I guess.

But I also cannot imagine not living life to the fullest.
 
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Glycerine

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Some people just don't have the capacity to do it... it's not necessarily whether it's a desire or not. Some people are not fully aware about their break from reality and never will be.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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Some people just don't have the capacity to do it... it's not necessarily whether it's a desire or not. Some people are not fully aware about their break from reality and never will be.

From what I've seen, they usually know they have alters. And if they know they have alters, they usually know they also have a hard life.

But I'm not sure what makes some want to leave that way of existing. I guess a yearning to be alive versus dead. Some prefer to stay dead though, which I can *understand*.
 
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garbage

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Interesting.

From the other side--and mostly from a devil's advocate perspective, because I largely agree with you: I've had periods where I could and could not put up with another person's bullshit--either because of waverings in my own circumstances or mentality, or because of waverings in theirs. People are often much more inconsistent than they think they are.

On the sense that we all have multiple personalities to an extent, this is a good read, by the way.
 

UniqueMixture

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What's the difference between this and sociopathy?
 

sprinkles

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I have DDNOS and the person you describe sounds a lot like me. I can identify with it.

Being co-conscious in itself is a bitch, let me tell you. It makes relationships, or really ANYTHING, several times more difficult than usual because there are often parts that don't want something, maybe because they are afraid to connect and be hurt. So everything can take on an ambivalent quality.

It's very hard and it's very tiring. I've had to push people away because of it and I hate it.
 

sprinkles

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What's the difference between this and sociopathy?

In Dissociative Identity parts are fragmented to compartmentalize various feelings and emotions and memories.

This doesn't necessarily imply a true break from reality or any sociopathic behaviors or anything like that. Often people end up with parts that are within themselves quite 'sane', but might be a different personality.

I'm sure there are a few out there who have sociopathic parts or psychopathy, but Dissociation is not typically marked by lack of emotions or disfunctional emotions. It's rather marked by too many emotions to handle.
 

sprinkles

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Also I will say that this takes a lot of time and effort and a lot of times just never goes away completely.

From personal experience it took many years to get most parts to integrate and be healthy and healed again. But it is possible. Yet you can't do it just because somebody says you're broken and need fixing. It takes understanding of yourself and self realization. It has to be wanted.

Now I have maybe only a few parts (two or three other than my 'core' that is talking now) and I'm pretty aware of them and rather stable and grounded most of the time. It was a painful transition to get here but I have a new look on life.
 

AphroditeGoneAwry

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What's the difference between this and sociopathy?


People who develop DID (the sybil variety) and DDNOS do so to protect themselves from severe chronic trauma, usually of a sexual nature. It must occur before the age of 7 or so or else it seems that the mind is after that unable to 'split'. They also are usually of above average intelligence. The resulting 'mental disorder' protects their inner, unprocessed feelings because they occurred at a time when the person was too young to make sense of them and process them adequately, or because they were simply unallowed or had no time to do so. Most of us cannot fathom the kind of trauma it involves to get here (watch sybil and see what I mean), so it is not hard to imagine a toddler, baby, or young child not being able to process it.

So, the emotions that would result from the sequestered feelings are stopped, because the feelings are stopped because they are locked away in compartments as [MENTION=16071]sprinkles[/MENTION] described so well. Consequently, what these people are most at risk of are what I would call asocial disorders...things that protect them from getting close to others because they are afraid of enduring further trauma. They live more in a state of stagnation or withdrawal from life because life has always hurt. In doing this, they live on autopilot and are stuck in survival mode always, and most deal with PTSD on a daily basis (because PTSD triggers unconscious arousal) they are protected from the feelings that are buried in their mind and body (lots of 'bad' body memories, probably more so than mind memories like most people have, or can even understand), and are therefore protected from the emotions resulting from that. Everything is sublimated to survival. However, it's been said that they have huge amounts of buried rage.

Those with antisocial disorder are more conscious of having been hurt and are more consciously angry about it, but don't know how to deal with it, so they learn dysfunctional coping mechanisms that to us seem irrational, but to them make sense, usually aimed at unfair targets/society in general. They must get a sense of relief--because they constantly are dealing with the emotions but don't know how to release them--when they project them or take them out on others. They have also been traumatized chronically from a very young age, but instead of compartmentalizing feelings that are impossible to make sense of, like in DID and DDNOS, etc., they are forced to deal with them. They then can become so desensitized to pain that, in this process, they also do not adequately develop their empathy for others, which makes all the difference. Empathy for others, in the absence of love and in the presence of pain, develops one's conscience. Therefore, they lack a healthy conscience. That is why it is hard to treat them because you would have to go back, I'd guess with intensive and persistent regression therapy, including hypnosis (I'm not usually an advocate of hypnosis but I think in this case it would be necessary), to awaken or retrieve the infantile feelings of empathy, and bring them to life again.

So people with DID, DDNOS, etc., usually just are at risk of hurting themselves because they become so fatigued fighting to protect themselves and their pysches, in addition to living a dead life, that they have high rates of suicide. Those with antisocial disorder are more at risk for harming others, in various schemes, or homicidally (from your con-artists to your mass murderers). Those with antisocial disorder usually do not have DID or DDNOS because if they had, they might not have become antisocial....Though those with DID and DDNOS, etc., can have some characteristics of antisocial disorder, they have largely been protected from the thrust of it, and struggle more with asocial disorders. Because buried deep in their core are all those unexplored and protected feelings waiting to be opened up.



Thanks so much Sprinkles for your input. I'm fascinated by multiple personality disorder. Please feel free to criticize my post and I will correct as needed. :hug:
 
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