*shrug* I guess. I mean, I have trouble understanding why you don't seem bothered by it, it's just how I am.
Even with my particular road in life, I'm in the school where I typically don't like to actually change details about my past (I'll talk about it round-about, avoiding details but not actually changing them), whereas other people in the same situation are fine with alterating details to conform to the present.
(And with regards to that, there were a few people who would press me with questions like, "If you could take a pill and immediately feel happy as who you are right this moment, why wouldn't you do it?!" and all I could say is that I'd feel like I was lying about who I was. I would be someone else entirely. I'd be murdering my current self and being a completely different person. It just didn't seem right, to me.)
Identity is a big deal to me personally, for whatever reason. So it spills into this topic as well. I mean, what is my perception of my identity based on ASIDE from my recollection of my past? If I lose my past, then who am I (aside from what I do in the moment and start creating a new past?)
For cinematic references, consider themes in Memento (Lenny's kind of just a loose cannon and otherwise "trapped" in the current moment, with no possibility of long-term goal or connection) or Dark City....
What if you didn't pretend? You'd remember the removal, after all. And you'd have knowledge of the event, you'd just be removing the negative (or positive) emotional content.
Hmm. Well, if I do remember that something happened, but don't remember the emotional content, I'm less bugged by that, but I'm still unsure. It would probably depend on what exactly it was.
I mean, maybe since I've had to fight so hard to become who I am that I can't stand the thought of relinquishing even one inch of that, for good or ill. I tend to draw definition from life narrative, and to me changing/removal details of the story necessarily changes the narrative.
I also suspect on some level that I thrive on pain.
The example given on the programme was NYPD officers - many of whom committed suicide after 9/11 or else suffered crippling PTSD. I don't see how removing the traumatic memories and feelings associated with that day could be other than a good thing. Especially if it saved a life. Interestingly though, only 20% of officers said they would take a drug to do that. (Presumably the ones who suffered the most.)
Honestly, I would not begrudge them that. I have much sympathy for people in that kind of situation, and if it is beneficial in terms of mental health to remove those feelings and memories, then I would support it if they chose to do such.
Therapy overall is kind of the "long-road," and it's less about removing it and more about integrating it somehow. So I prefer some kind of therapeutic adjustment if possible, it seems to try to make the best of a bad situation and become stronger by it.
But I've seen enough accounts of Vietnam/war tragedies, seen enough abuse stories, etc., that sometimes it would seem much better to remove at least some of that emotional content -- it is serving no purpose except to drag someone down. I've also seen it end up in tragedy; that stuff can easily derail your entire life, if not ruin and kill you outright. There is some shit you just can't get over.
So I'd support their liberation from those things, if that's what they wanted and needed. It's just not a road that I feel walking myself.
It's really weird to me because this is an extension of a natural process. Sometimes the brain manages to forget trauma on its own, as a protective measure.
True, although I think in cases of suppression/repression it just comes out in other ways. Jung I think said that neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering. Then again, some things are SO bad that repression (or some kind of substance abuse) can seem like the only viable solutions.
It's also funny because most people think nothing of going out and drinking themselves into a state of oblivion - not only wrecking their memory of one night but doing lasting damage to their brain and other organs. Something I think is really fucking stupid and wouldn't do...
I was gonna ask about what you thought, when I saw the opening sentence.
Yeah, I'll drink to get a heavy buzz on occasion because I like how it feels, but I have no desire to have black outs or body damage. There is just one incident when I was at college that I lost the memory of how many drinks I consumed (apparently it was enough to ruin my "no hurl" statistic, I do remember the vomiting), but that's about it. I don't like the idea of not being self-conscious for an undetermined amount of time.
But I've also had to deal with a father for my entire life who has totally destroyed his body and was in a coma two days related to alcohol abuse, and has had numerous blackouts over the course of his life, and honestly dealing with him now it's like his head is all screwed up. I'm surprised he's not dead yet, he must have the stamina of a horse. But no fucking way. I'm not doing that to myself either.
