User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 40

  1. #1
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ILI Ni
    Posts
    17,899

    Default How comfortable are you in a group conversation vs. one on one?

    I've always been really good with one on one conversations. I feel comfortable. I like getting to know people. I really enjoy talking to them. On the other hand, when I'm part of a group - more than 3 people - I tend to clam up. There is this fast paced bantering going back and forth that often happens and I lose track of what they are talking about. I don't hear the jokes. Part of it is getting bored. If I can't influence the direction of the conversation, I have a hard time staying with it. I'm pretty good at catching the body language between people and getting a sense as to how they are feeling. Often there is a lot of background noise though and that doesn't help because I sometimes have a hard time hearing what people are saying (I have always had this problem). If I'm in a group and am actively contributing ideas and asking questions, etc. (i.e. at work) and we are talking about something interesting, and we are in a meeting room without the background noise, I have no problem. It's more with social situations. So, if I'm at a party, I will talk to people one on one. I'll make the rounds but I'll stay out of those group discussions and if my one on one discussion turns into a group, I'll generally find myself going somewhere else at the first possible opportunity.

    I've wondered if this is type related at all. Anyone else experience this?

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  2. #2
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 so/sx
    Posts
    2,051

    Default

    I am similar. But I think it's more based in not being able to gauge everyone's reactions at once. I like sit back and observe the group but not be in the midst of divided attention. I think I feel the need I know where I stand with someone and its harder to do in groups

  3. #3
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,595

    Default

    I relate to virtually everything you said, except professional meetings can cause the same problem. I've even adjusted my career so I work primarily one-on-one. I think it is a strongly introverted issue because that means you take in too much information initially and have to have introverted time to process. I observe a great many details one-on-one, and when in a group it feels like the world is a kaleidoscope.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  4. #4
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    It depends on what it is. I can talk a lot but say nothing (very impersonal) in both conditions. However, if it's anything remotely personal, I clam up a lot in group conversations and somewhat in one on one conversations.

  5. #5
    Junior Member NathanZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6
    Posts
    15

    Default

    Absolutely. I hate noisy situations to begin with, unless I'm the host of the party or just drunk. I prefer to have conversations one-on-one or in smaller groups. And I like the conversations to be ABOUT something: They don't have to be 'deep', but nattering and small talk turns me off pretty quickly.

    I can sit back an observe, but if there's no opportunity for me to make a meaningful connection or contribution, I'm out of there before too long.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    9 so/sx
    Posts
    21,635

    Default

    I'm fine, although I fall prey to others deliberately misinterpreting what I have said often and that pisses me off, I'm very conscious of how people try to use group conversations to put on a performance or attempt to show others up. It can work too, purely as a result of the group dynamic, in a way in which it would not be possible in a one to one discussion.

    The other thing I dont like about group discussions is that I find a lot of people who have nothing to say will choose to speak anyway purely in order to have their say or their their turn or be seen to be participating. Then when someone who does not usually participate or has difficulty doing so if they do partake and fluff what they mean to say or can not articulate what they mean and others seek to silence them some how, using again the group dynamic, that pisses me off too.

    I used to deal with this when I was younger by becoming passive aggressive, deliberately refusing to communicate or withdrawing, then when I got older and found it easier I'd dominate proceedings or at least try to, neither have ever proven satisfactory and I've learned as a result that group dynamics just screw with proper communication 99.9% of the time. Even with strictly observed agendas and rules of order for proceedings its much the same much of the time.

  7. #7
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    827 sp/so
    Posts
    20,130

    Default

    in normal life I really hate groups of people... I loathe crowds and I'd really rather deal with one or two people at a time... otherwise I tend to feel a bit confused as to whose turn it is to speak and who is offended by what... I also tend to blush when large groups of people look at me at the same time

    I can flip a switch for work though and speak to any size of group of people... I can juggle a conversation with a large group of people and keep them all laughing and happy... it's kind of like I learned to channel my drunk self when sober and forget about any inhibitions for a while
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #8
    garbage
    Guest

    Default

    I can take or leave both under certain circumstances, so it's a wash.

    If a group setting is a chaotic free-for-all, then it's not my thing. .. at all. If we're all in sync or on the same page, or if I or someone else am in control of the thing, then I'm very comfortable with it. It's also very beneficial and often provides a broad perspective.

    One-on-one is awkward if I can't (or don't care to) find an "in" with the other person, but the ability to concentrate on one another can be fruitful and meaningful.

    Basically, if a group or individual conversation is ordered and directed (to a very, very general degree), then I'm on board.

  9. #9
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,939

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I've always been really good with one on one conversations. I feel comfortable. I like getting to know people. I really enjoy talking to them. On the other hand, when I'm part of a group - more than 3 people - I tend to clam up. There is this fast paced bantering going back and forth that often happens and I lose track of what they are talking about. I don't hear the jokes. Part of it is getting bored. If I can't influence the direction of the conversation, I have a hard time staying with it. I'm pretty good at catching the body language between people and getting a sense as to how they are feeling. Often there is a lot of background noise though and that doesn't help because I sometimes have a hard time hearing what people are saying (I have always had this problem). If I'm in a group and am actively contributing ideas and asking questions, etc. (i.e. at work) and we are talking about something interesting, and we are in a meeting room without the background noise, I have no problem. It's more with social situations. So, if I'm at a party, I will talk to people one on one. I'll make the rounds but I'll stay out of those group discussions and if my one on one discussion turns into a group, I'll generally find myself going somewhere else at the first possible opportunity.

    I've wondered if this is type related at all. Anyone else experience this?
    I basically feel very similarly with almost all of this. INxJ thing?

    Although, I'm not sure I'd say I'm always good at one on one. There are some people with whom I rapidly run out of things to say (and they might be new acquaintances, or people I know somewhat better) and then it's awkward. But generally I'm quite good at being friendly, drawing people out in conversation, etc. I do really enjoy some group convos but it's very dependent on the dynamic and the people. I also have the background noise issue...
    Female
    INFJ
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


    I DOORSLAMMING

  10. #10
    Ginkgo
    Guest

    Default

    I would say that they're equally comfortable, though what really tips me off about how I communicate - and whether I communicate at all - is my sense of belonging.

Similar Threads

  1. [Enne] How comfortable are you with self-revelation?
    By Typh0n in forum Enneagram
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 08-05-2016, 05:18 PM
  2. How [Un]Comfortable Are You...?
    By Passacaglia in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 111
    Last Post: 04-07-2015, 06:02 AM
  3. How loud and obnoxious are you in reality?
    By Kasper in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 61
    Last Post: 06-16-2009, 05:08 PM
  4. [INFP] INFPs how comforting are you (and bonus question)?
    By r0wo1 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 02-13-2009, 10:36 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO