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  1. #31
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I've always been really good with one on one conversations. I feel comfortable. I like getting to know people. I really enjoy talking to them. On the other hand, when I'm part of a group - more than 3 people - I tend to clam up. There is this fast paced bantering going back and forth that often happens and I lose track of what they are talking about. I don't hear the jokes. Part of it is getting bored. If I can't influence the direction of the conversation, I have a hard time staying with it. I'm pretty good at catching the body language between people and getting a sense as to how they are feeling. Often there is a lot of background noise though and that doesn't help because I sometimes have a hard time hearing what people are saying (I have always had this problem). If I'm in a group and am actively contributing ideas and asking questions, etc. (i.e. at work) and we are talking about something interesting, and we are in a meeting room without the background noise, I have no problem. It's more with social situations. So, if I'm at a party, I will talk to people one on one. I'll make the rounds but I'll stay out of those group discussions and if my one on one discussion turns into a group, I'll generally find myself going somewhere else at the first possible opportunity.

    I've wondered if this is type related at all. Anyone else experience this?
    This is definitely type related. People that are SX/SP prefer one on one to group settings.

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  2. #32
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    I usually prefer one-on-one conversations, but small group conversations are alright in my view. In larger groups I just feel drowned out.

  3. #33
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    I can relate to the OP pretty well; especially the distinction between group meetings at work vs. groups socially. I'm perfectly fine with work meetings (edit: Although I'd rather not have to run them, blech, even though things are much more efficient when I do, lol).

    I've always, always been uncomfortable in group social situations. Even with groups of friends (if more than two), I just have this underlying anxiety/discomfort.

    Although 1:1's can be uncomfortable if it's someone I don't feel I can connect with or I have absolutely nothing to say (I guess that's the same as not connecting/having nothing to ask of the other person), they're not nearly as uncomfortable for me as social groups.
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  4. #34
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Prefer one on one. I experience sensory overload with a group.

  5. #35
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    Small group is best. One-on-one is only good if I'm especially interested in the person with whom I'm conversing. Otherwise it's a chore and a bore. Large groups get annoying, though, because it's nearly impossible (without someone policing the conversation...like an instructor) to maintain coherence.
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  6. #36
    Gone Aesthete's Avatar
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    Large group is the easiest for me: I don't even need to talk. One-on-one works best to get anything out of me - if I get along with that person, that is. As for small groups, I'll play a passive role and only speak from time-to-time.
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  7. #37
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    To me it depends on how much I like the people. If the group is composed of a large gathering of people that I like, then I like the big group. However, if it is a large group of people that I hate, then I would prefer a smaller group. It depends on who the people are. I'm not the kind of guy that can just easily socialize with people that I hate. That drives me nuts.

  8. #38
    Senior Member wildcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I've always been really good with one on one conversations. I feel comfortable. I like getting to know people. I really enjoy talking to them. On the other hand, when I'm part of a group - more than 3 people - I tend to clam up. There is this fast paced bantering going back and forth that often happens and I lose track of what they are talking about. I don't hear the jokes. Part of it is getting bored. If I can't influence the direction of the conversation, I have a hard time staying with it. I'm pretty good at catching the body language between people and getting a sense as to how they are feeling. Often there is a lot of background noise though and that doesn't help because I sometimes have a hard time hearing what people are saying (I have always had this problem). If I'm in a group and am actively contributing ideas and asking questions, etc. (i.e. at work) and we are talking about something interesting, and we are in a meeting room without the background noise, I have no problem. It's more with social situations. So, if I'm at a party, I will talk to people one on one. I'll make the rounds but I'll stay out of those group discussions and if my one on one discussion turns into a group, I'll generally find myself going somewhere else at the first possible opportunity.

    I've wondered if this is type related at all. Anyone else experience this?
    A group is one.
    One is a group.

  9. #39
    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    I almost hate the fact that I've studied MBTI, enneagram, and other personality theories. I've grown a lot more introverted since I've studied these systems because I now can observe people's behaviors and kind of get a feel for what they are going to be like before I even approach them. This takes the work out of the whole meet and greet process, so now I will know if I will like a person before I really get to know them.

  10. #40
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    I relate to the OP, and also to this:

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Although, I'm not sure I'd say I'm always good at one on one. There are some people with whom I rapidly run out of things to say (and they might be new acquaintances, or people I know somewhat better) and then it's awkward. But generally I'm quite good at being friendly, drawing people out in conversation, etc. I do really enjoy some group convos but it's very dependent on the dynamic and the people. I also have the background noise issue...
    If I feel I have nothing to say to someone, even one-on-one is difficult and stressful. I try to get away if at all possible. I don't consider myself especially friendly, though, and will usually bother to try to draw someone out only if there is something I want to learn from them.

    When I speak to someone, or even a group, I tend to focus very intently on them. This causes me to block out what is going on around, including other people's comments and conversations. Distractions are unwelcome at this point. I have never had any problem speaking TO groups (e.g. public speaking), but the one aspect I did have to work on was the ability to respond to questions in midstream without letting the rest of my presentation get derailed. In a social group, I will tend to try to strike up a one-on-one conversation with someone whose comments piqued my interest, or sit back and listen if sufficiently interesting, or simply move on if not.
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