personas are more useful than personality. to identify with your personality is to identify with the faults as well. the faults along whose seams your idea of you cracks under the pressure of shifting conditions and shifting needs. your vulnerability in constant evolution. integration is costly, especially if the environment--the games themselves--seem erratic, emotionally unaware, and selfish in nature. amidst the shifting prejudices that bind together all games, all preference structures, and all communities defined by them.
to know what you are, to reconnect those disconnected selves that were demanded of you, the different eras and days and hours and the different masks you wore at the time, requires a knowing willingness to let go of so much of yourself simply to act, to identify with your act and yourself as actor. to dirty your own hands with the nepotism of orders of self bestowed upon you and the contradictions you must embody in order to play your role as the actor in the game that is but another actor for some unimaginable purpose.
i realize now that a recognition of the levels of your own self-biosphere, the layers of core self to superficial self, are necessary in order to negotiate this sense of loss and to manage personal flexibility and adaptiveness to changing environments. but how do you negotiate the difference? how do you decide what you is always worth keeping, rather than allowing to become a sacrifice that you are willing to watch burn and burn with in order to get back favor from the gods?