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  1. #11
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    I felt for maybe a year and a half, maybe a little more, that I was wasting my life. But ya know, I don't think I'm wasting my life anymore, or that I ever was. Maybe I'm not where I'd ideally like to be, but then again, I'll always be aiming for something better. I pretty much hate my job, but that's more because of the workplace than because of the job itself. And mostly because I can feel my own internal lack of direction. I guess you'd say it's a "dumbing down" job, but I think I've just had to learn different skills than academic ones. I've learned timing, management, negotiation, decisiveness, leadership, crisis management, and mediation. I'm a different person now than when I began. I'm no longer afraid of being in charge and I'm no longer afraid of the people in charge. I also met my SO at work, though he's since moved into his preferred field. All in all it's empowered me... it might not be happiness in terms of enjoyment and comfort, but it's not been a waste, either. This "dead-end" job is paving the way to my future stability. And it's giving me a dose of humility that people who have never had to work for their lives will never have, which the silver-spooner in me would like to ignore but the human in me says it's a gift not to go unrecognized, a fullness of human experience.

    I'm not judging your situation, because it might be very different in nature than mine, but I also think that part of this is mindset and attitude, because I've gone from feeling one way to feeling a different way, yet nothing external has changed. The only thing that has changed is me, and ever since I've felt myself changing inside, I've begun to make positive external changes, too. Previously I had kept thinking that an answer for me would come if I just waited long enough, but I guess that was wrong because why would my mind come up with something new when I wasn't causing it to think in a different way than ever before?

    I've plans how I can stop wasting it, but they all include factors that will happen but I can't influence them. They can happen today or in a year, but when it does happen, I'm ready for them and I know exactly what I'm gonna do then, step-by-step, both in the worst-case and best-case scenario.
    Vague and interesting. Care to elaborate?

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    I dont know many people who prosper by not being at work, I also hail from a time in which the idea that you get "social contact" "online" would seem, rightly so I believe, ridiculous and to someone who is extroverted as I am it wouldnt ever be sufficient.

    Most of the people I've known who agonise about their free time but work a hard and full day actually spend the time remaining to them much better than those who are unemployed and idle and as a result treat one hour the same as the next because, well, it is.

    How could you possibly know the value of a day off when you've never experienced the lack of the same? This is a generational thing too, no ability to defer gratification or even think too hard about that, growing up I experienced seasonal gift giving for instance, if I wanted something I waited until my birthday or christmas, sometimes christmas the following year, when the things I'd wanted last year were reduced in cost to something more affordable, I dont know a lot of kids who have an experience like this anymore.
    Well, I wouldn't mind talking to someone intelligent in person, in fact, I do want to do it. But I'm definitely not going to sacrifice anything for the ability to do it, especially when we're talking about a high chance of unlikeliness here. It's not a priority for me.

    It's a psychological mind game that they are playing with themselves. Perhaps to some it's routine. It depends a lot on one's mentality, and this isn't the case for me. Before you say it - yes, it's been tested.

    School had day-offs, I loved them. Couldn't wait the weekend and the national celebratory days. Believe it or not, I've had very similar thoughts about this to yours quite recently. The situation for me, though, was a box of candy instead of something I wanted - that was awesome. Naturally, later on I stopped receiving it as I grew out of "that" age, then I started receiving money (around $20 mostly) or nothing.


    @skylights If the workplace can offer you something useful - a challenging position that would lead into self-development, etc., go for it indeed. It sounds like it really helped you a lot to develop, which is a great thing for your first(?) job. A job at the beginning (not exclusively) has to offer some kind of development, whether of your skill or personal growth, which was the case for you.

  3. #13
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Typoz View Post
    @skylights If the workplace can offer you something useful - a challenging position that would lead into self-development, etc., go for it indeed. It sounds like it really helped you a lot to develop, which is a great thing for your first(?) job. A job at the beginning (not exclusively) has to offer some kind of development, whether of your skill or personal growth, which was the case for you.
    Well, though the thing for me is, I didn't think it would. I really just wrote it off as me taking the job to appease my parents, and that I'd quit soon enough. But then there was overturn in management, power gap, and I pushed and pushed to learn new things, constantly. I broke the rules quite a bit trying to learn and improve. Eventually I went from being lowest on the totem pole to being an assistant manager. It's not my first job, in terms of I worked while in school, but it's my first on-my-own job. My point is that I thought it was a dead-end but it wasn't, and I was surprised by that. I still wouldn't sing its praises, it can be a hellhole of a place, but I've gained from it nevertheless. Maybe that's what I'm trying to say to you... There are hidden opportunities even in dead-ends. It can be miserable but not soul-sucking if you can get at least something from it. It doesn't have to be a waste.

  4. #14

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    Quote Originally Posted by Typoz View Post
    Well, I wouldn't mind talking to someone intelligent in person, in fact, I do want to do it. But I'm definitely not going to sacrifice anything for the ability to do it, especially when we're talking about a high chance of unlikeliness here. It's not a priority for me.

    It's a psychological mind game that they are playing with themselves. Perhaps to some it's routine. It depends a lot on one's mentality, and this isn't the case for me. Before you say it - yes, it's been tested.

    School had day-offs, I loved them. Couldn't wait the weekend and the national celebratory days. Believe it or not, I've had very similar thoughts about this to yours quite recently. The situation for me, though, was a box of candy instead of something I wanted - that was awesome. Naturally, later on I stopped receiving it as I grew out of "that" age, then I started receiving money (around $20 mostly) or nothing.


    @skylights If the workplace can offer you something useful - a challenging position that would lead into self-development, etc., go for it indeed. It sounds like it really helped you a lot to develop, which is a great thing for your first(?) job. A job at the beginning (not exclusively) has to offer some kind of development, whether of your skill or personal growth, which was the case for you.
    What people mistake most often for intelligence is agreement, given that you're not willing to sacrifice anything I doubt that you're going to accomplish much and that is the very definition of a wasted life to me.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I'm not judging your situation, because it might be very different in nature than mine, but I also think that part of this is mindset and attitude, because I've gone from feeling one way to feeling a different way, yet nothing external has changed. The only thing that has changed is me, and ever since I've felt myself changing inside, I've begun to make positive external changes, too. Previously I had kept thinking that an answer for me would come if I just waited long enough, but I guess that was wrong because why would my mind come up with something new when I wasn't causing it to think in a different way than ever before?

    Vague and interesting. Care to elaborate?
    I know what you're talking about, but that is not the case here. See, I'm constantly scanning the environment for possibilities to do something that would yield money for me. Mostly it requires money to begin with though. And that is what I'm waiting for. I know exactly how I WILL get money, and that is what was describe in the OP. I am also sending out a copy of my CV to any job that I would find something enjoyable in that doesn't outweight the unenjoyable weekly. I assume that wasn't the case with you.

    It is much more interesting when looking at the small details, which extend into a lot of different small branches... That plan is beautiful, the only downside is that I can't control the moment when I have to begin executing it, and I can't control the last step of the first part of that plan. That is what both worries me and annoys me. Worries me because it can happen in a while, annoys me because I have to wait for it to happen instead of initiating it myself. Another worry comes from it - living through until it happens.

    I won't go into more detail.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    What people mistake most often for intelligence is agreement, given that you're not willing to sacrifice anything I doubt that you're going to accomplish much and that is the very definition of a wasted life to me.
    I see how that confused you. By anything I meant this: "I would go to work just to socialize a bit - it isn't that important to me." And by intelligent discussions I meant this: "talking about anything, fluid concepts, not women, sports, drinking and doing drugs, which seems to be the case with everyone I've met - at least one of those variants."

    And yes, no sacrifice often means no result, which is a wasted life.

  6. #16
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    How are you able to have food and shelter?
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    How are you able to have food and shelter?
    I thought someone'd ask this earlier, I hoped no one would. Anyway, that isn't important. Don't take this as offense.

  8. #18
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Typoz View Post
    I thought someone'd ask this earlier, I hoped no one would. Anyway, that isn't important. Don't take this as offense.
    I don't. It's just that, well, at some point this is probably something you are going to want to (or have to) take care of yourself. I don't know how old you are, but most people have to take crap jobs when they are young unless they are born to a family that is somewhat well off.

    Generally speaking, I only consider someone to be wasting their life when they are taking advantage of someone else or failing to fulfill their responsibilities and obligations. Nobody is obligated to do anything amazing and to work any harder than it takes to get by, but I think we are obligated to try to at least be worth our keep, so to speak.

    Not that I'm particularly hard ass about this. I haven't held very many paying jobs. I have taken care of the household (at a bare minimum) and have been raising the kids at a somewhat better than bare minimum level. My oldest daughter is a college student and I told her she would either have to work or, if she couldn't find a job, volunteer to build up her resume last summer. She didn't do either and I didn't make a fuss. My younger kids are all still in school, so I consider that their jobs and we have a friend of my daughter's staying with us without paying anything because he can't afford it and he's a student.

    When someone else is paying the bills, they get to call the shots. For a lot of people, it's worth it to deal with a crap job in order to have more autonomy. I felt that way when I lived at home, though, granted, my job was not horrible. I was the office girl for a carpet cleaning company, so I worked in a climate controlled environment and I was rarely treated rudely. I was paid minimum wage ($4.00/hr, if I remember right) and had to pay rent to my mother, pay the phone bill, my car insurance, gasoline, etc. My mom gave me the car, so I was lucky there. After that our financial situation deteriorated, so she needed me to contribute.

    Anyway, I know I've only been poor by first world standards, but it is better to do the crap jobs when you are young and relatively healthy, so that, hopefully, you will have moved up the food chain a bit by the time you are older. When you are older, your body starts to give you problems and you may have responsibilities to other people. My husband is only in his early forties and he is starting to have health problems as a result of his job. But he has been working in his field long enough that now he earns a decent wage and we have been able to purchase a house without debt -- granted, the house was so bad the local slum lords passed it up -- but it's shelter no one can take from us.

    If you don't start with something, things will never get better. And, it is often easier to get a job when you already have one than it is to get a good job when you don't have a job or much experience.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  9. #19
    Mojibake sprinkles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Typoz View Post
    Here's the way I look at it:

    Survival job here means enough money to pay the bills and buy very basic food (assuming it's not the winter, then it's not even enough to pay the heating bills). Therefore - zero monthly savings. Survival job generally means a job you do not like or even hate. Often it also means a job that won't improve you, instead it may even dumb you down. People working those jobs usually are useless (talking to a friend for a good position somewhere, etc.), and if you don't enjoy the "manly" and small-talk - they are useless as friends as well (maybe not everywhere, but over here they are, I've had a chance to interact with a lot of people working those jobs through an ex-friend).

    From that I conclude that it is not productive, instead it's counter-productive and can even be harmful both physically and especially mentally.
    Don't knock people who make an honest living. I don't care if they are picking up cans by the side of the road - at least they're doing a job.

  10. #20

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    Quote Originally Posted by sprinkles View Post
    Don't knock people who make an honest living. I don't care if they are picking up cans by the side of the road - at least they're doing a job.
    I'm glad you posted that because to be honest this thread smacks of a sort of conceited arrogance, everyone is wasting their lives apart from the one who can afford, without explanation, to refuse work, very possibly any work what so ever at this point from what I've read, and engage in discussion of vaguely defined "fluid concepts" online instead.

    Its disgusting and also the opposite of any lived life, any really lived life, its a complete and utter dodge out of life, which isnt all sweetness and light and suiting yourself all the time.

    Even the contempt for what are commonplace topics of conversation I think tells on the attitude of the OP, those things are part of life, a big part of life, if all you have for them are disdain then you also have disdain for life. While you can, in self-congratulatory fashion, maintain that everyone else is wasting their life and yours is the superior way, I doubt its something you can do forever, hence threads like this looking for vindication, support or at least someone to give the argument in order that all the rationalisations can be poured forth and in doing so reinforced.

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