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  1. #1
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Default setting boundaries

    I need help with them, my mom basically violates my space and i've told her repeatly how angry it makes me but than she gives some bullshit reason. LIke she comes to my appointments with me, which really pisses me off, she takes my car keys without informing me.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  2. #2
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    lock the door, secure the keys and plug off the phone. Best way to get rid of mums !
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  3. #3
    Bunnies & Rainbow Socks Kayness's Avatar
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    tell her off!
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  4. #4
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kayness View Post
    tell her off!
    I have, it doesn't fucking work
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #5
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Going by everything I have read that you have written - If you were my child, there would be very, very little I would let you do without supervision, right now.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  6. #6
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    I'm a little with @ceecee on this one.. It might be that she's invading your privacy because she's worried about you. Teenagers often get this push-pull boundary thing for space. If you were getting on a bit better, I'd say she may be a little over zealous.. but I think some understanding and accepting needs to come from you on this situation in particular.

    I've advised before, that the more trust-inducing and independent your actions are, the more she will naturally start to let her guard down around you. When your actions remain stagnant and without purpose and direction, so too will her trust and confidence in those things. She's treating you the best way she probably knows how.. and while that may feel very invasive, given the written history, I'd say invasive isn't such a bad thing. I know it can be very annoying, but some understanding and accepting as well as taking control of the things you can control (like your own actions, if not hers) should help soothe the anger that's currently there.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member acronach's Avatar
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    go 5-style and hide everything in places she'll never look, clear internet history regularly and get complex passwords for phone and computer, delete auto-login cookies on the internet, and if you journal or anything write it in code. basically take everything you care about and forcibly keep her away from it.

    ceecee and kyuuei, i understand what you're trying to say and i get the point, but both of you sound like stereotypical parents who don't communicate with their kids. if a tiny spark ignites a flame in the household, it's their fault and they need to submit or else you'll destroy their lives just so "you win". not trying to insult you or anything, just saying you might get better results if you talk and listen before taking action.
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  8. #8
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I'm with ceecee and kyuuei. acronach, I don't think you know the whole sitch. Love you prpl, but your mom is doing the right thing. She loves you and wants you to be okay.

  9. #9
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    i think if you want to get anything with your mom you'd need to figure out where your mom is coming from. she needs to feel that her daughter is safe, that doesn't change just because of your age, but when other parents get to go through the experience of gaining trust in their children to protect and take care of themselves, she had the experience of learning to be terrified of what you might do to yourself. she isn't supervising you to feel powerful (if anything she probably feels rather helpless), she's supervising you because she's terrified.

    you might resent her for that right now, but the truth is age doesn't make you entitled to that trust, consistent positive behavior does.

    if you want to gain her trust so she'll give you some space, do her job, be your own mother within your head, think what you would let your own daughter do before deciding what you'll do, protect & take care of yourself like you would of someone else you care dearly for. and be patient, its going to take time, but i really think you can get there purp.

    FYI - sorry, i know you hate long posts... but i'm not that good about being concise. hope you still read it.

  10. #10
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by acronach View Post

    ceecee and kyuuei, i understand what you're trying to say and i get the point, but both of you sound like stereotypical parents who don't communicate with their kids. if a tiny spark ignites a flame in the household, it's their fault and they need to submit or else you'll destroy their lives just so "you win". not trying to insult you or anything, just saying you might get better results if you talk and listen before taking action.
    I never mentioned anything about not listening. I said I would let her do very little without supervision. It is soooooo not about winning. I'm also guessing you're not a parent either.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

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