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  1. #1

    Default Changing yourself

    Have any of you made significant changes to yourself?

    If so:
    • What were the changes?
    • Do you believe these changes to be superficial or deep?
    • Why did you change?
    • How did you do it?
    • How difficult was this process?
    • What were the benefits?
    • What did you lose?
    • On the whole did you believe these changes were for better or worse?

    Accept the past. Live for the present. Look forward to the future.
    Robot Fusion
    "As our island of knowledge grows, so does the shore of our ignorance." John Wheeler
    "[A] scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy." Richard Feynman
    "[P]etabytes of [] data is not the same thing as understanding emergent mechanisms and structures." Jim Crutchfield

  2. #2
    Alexander the Terrible yenom's Avatar
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    the major change is risk, to overcome fear and doubt and do what i want to do.
    It was difficult and require self mastery.
    The fear of poverty turns people into slaves of money.

    "In this Caesar there are many Mariuses"~Sulla

    Conquer your inner demons first before you conquer the world.

  3. #3
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    A potentially heavy, detailed topic. I'll revisit it when I have more time. (Generally just posting so that I can easily find this thread again later )
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  4. #4
    Senior Member acronach's Avatar
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    YESSSSSSSS

    What were the changes?
    -i'm more outgoing
    -i'm not afraid to talk to random people i don't know
    -whenever someone asks me to try something, 99% of the time i'll say yes (unless it's drugs or something)
    -i'm more in-tune with my emotions, i've been working on reading what i'm feeling more and not ignoring it

    Do you believe these changes to be superficial or deep?
    very deep, it's kinda like i'm reprogramming myself 0.0 I like the changes though, and I DO NOT want to go back to before this

    Why did you change?
    I got really into the enneagram actually. I looked at the negative aspects of my type, started noticing them in my life, and I wanted to change them, so I just started taking Riso and Hudson's advice and noticing when I do it with an unbiased eye. Over time, the parts of my personality that I didn't want just kinda got shaved away. I will say though that I feel kinda busy/overwhelmed sometimes trying to balance out my social life with having enough time alone, but it's worth it.

    it's actually kinda funny because most enneagram tests type me as 7 now XD

    How did you do it?
    deep introspection. a lot of time hanging out in a silent woodsy area with a pond just by myself, just thinking/walking/running/and occasionally reading enneagram stuffz. It was mostly an inner process but the outer calm helped it along a lot I think.

    How difficult was this process?
    not overly difficult, but it doesn't happen overnight. if you want it enough, it will come.

    What were the benefits?
    i'm a lot more social, and i have a lot less social anxiety. I know i still act like a major intp 5 sometimes, but for the most part when there's people I can talk to i'll try to talk to them, and i can carry a conversation a lot better. on top of that, i feel like everyone knows me, but its kinda funny cuz im horrible with names XD

    something else, i'm a major optimist now. I have fun with life, and I know most people don't, but i'm happy that at least I do.

    What did you lose?
    uhhh... my compulsive isolation? i guess? it didn't really feel like I lost anything significant.

    On the whole did you believe these changes were for better or worse?
    omg yes, i love myself XD for the better
    Enneagram: Type 5, Dual Wing, SX/SP Instinct, Tritype 5-3w2-9w8
    MBTI: INTP

    Like a Baws

    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 63.16% Sensing (S) 36.84%
    Thinking (T) 70.37% Feeling (F) 29.63%
    Perceiving (P) 56.61% Judging (J) 43.39%

  5. #5
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    [*]What were the changes?
    The two that come to mind are becoming a pescetarian and getting out of a unhealthy relationship.
    [*]Do you believe these changes to be superficial or deep?
    I think they were very deep. The breakup was really a realization that I shouldn't be afraid or ashamed to be myself. And that I wasn't obligated to try to fix someone who wanted to stay angry and take their anger out on me. The pescetarianism seems more superficial but it was part of a group changes I made after my break up. Things I had always wanted to do that my former partner had thought were stupid. I feel much better than I did before and it adds a sense of discipline to my life. I think restricting myself in that way lets me know that I have a certain amount of control over myself.
    [*]Why did you change? Eventually I realized that I didn't recognize myself anymore. Everything I like had been stripped away and despite that I was still being told I was selfish and worthless. As for the diet part, It was a combination of feeling sluggish and falling back on fast foods. You have to think a head a bit more if your not eating meat and put more thought into your nutrition. Also I like the idea that I've reduced my global footprint in a small way and I'm not contributing to the poor treatment of animals. (I'm not against meat being eaten ever but I think animal conditions should be better both for the sake of being humane and being sanitary/nutritious).
    [*]How did you do it? I was like a five month process of a break up. bleeeagrh. Where I would say I was leaving and he would convince me that I was his only source of support or that his little brothers would be heartbroken....and then go right back to the same thing. Eventually I brought all the stuff I had of his to his house and just made it clear. Even thought it was obviously overdue it was really hard to do. As for the meat it wasn't bad at all. I had a couple of cheats initially but after awhile meat just started to turn me off. I used imitation products at first but now I don't eat much of those. (Except black bean burgers and Quorn nuggets. mmmmmmmmm. so goood!)
    [*]How difficult was this process? The breakup was really difficult. Ending a 3 year relationship with the person who had ben my first love and who I thought I would always be with. And in such an ugly way. I went through a whole phase f being depressed a guilty. And now sometimes when I wonder if that was the only thing like that I'll ever experience. Diet though was easy and fun. Got to find a lot of new recepies.
    [*]What were the benefits? Not being belittled and controlled. Food wise.....how should I put this.....the digestive process is much smoother. I have more energy. I feel lighter and more healthy. It easy to avoid fast food because most of it is meat.
    [*]What did you lose? I lost someone who at for a long time was my closest friend and confidant. I lost my image of him. I lost his family who I was close to. I lost quite a few friends who I met through him. I lost a lot of the little good times we had together and our in jokes. And I lost that person to share closeness with (emotional and physical).

    I lost a couple of pounds and sadly barbecued pork.
    [*]On the whole did you believe these changes were for better or worse?

    For the better definitely. I'm a lean, green Pseudo Machine!!!

  6. #6
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    What were the changes?

    Developing better interpersonal skills.

    Do you believe these changes to be superficial or deep?

    Deep.

    Why did you change?

    To be more successful in my life.

    How did you do it?

    Read books. Sought advice from others. Sought to understand other people better. MBTI is an example.

    How difficult was this process?

    Pretty difficult.

    What were the benefits?

    Better relationships and more career/financial success.

    What did you lose?

    Some level of individuality.

    On the whole did you believe these changes were for better or worse?

    Better for sure.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  7. #7
    The Iron Giant
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    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    Have any of you made significant changes to yourself?
    Yeah.

    • What were the changes?
    I was very self-centered and closed off emotionally. I learned how to connect emotionally with the people who matter in my life and feel empathy with people whose experiences are different from mine.

    • Do you believe these changes to be superficial or deep?
    I hope they're as deep as they seem. Time will tell. Some of them will be tested in the future, but I am prepared.

    • Why did you change?
    I had a marriage that fell apart. I was pretty depressed after it happened, thinking I had no future except as a single father raising a small child alone. I was not taking care of myself very well. Over time I reflected on the marriage and the relationship that followed it. I recognized that something was wrong with me and I needed to work on it.

    • How did you do it?
    That last ex told me something typology related (which turned out to be incorrect) during the breakup, so I thought I would start there. I did a search online to better understand enneagram type dynamics in a relationship and PersonalityCafe came up. I joined and started posting and learning more about type. I knew about the enneagram stuff, but MBTI was new to me. The more I read about my type test results, the angrier I felt. I was determined to not be the perfect fit for the ISTJ stereotype, so I went down the list and tried to dispute each item, but I eventually realized, to my embarrassment, that they really did fit me. So I changed, becoming less insensitive, more personable, and more flexible and patient. Most importantly, I learned to really listen and empathize.

    • How difficult was this process?
    This is an ongoing process... I think I will always be working on it by being mindful. It's really, REALLY hard sometimes. Patience has been the most difficult part, it's like sometimes I want to jump out of my skin. It's like a voice is shouting NOW in my head every time I have to wait for something, and I have to tell it to shut up. I also inadvertently learned another lesson in the process of all this that was very hard... that I'm only part of any relationship I'm in, and no matter how much work I do on myself, that is not a guarantee that I won't make mistakes or that things will work out. That was one of those things that I thought I already knew, but I didn't.

    • What were the benefits?
    They're all over my life. I'm more confident, more relaxed, more comfortable in my own skin, more self aware, and much more in tune with my own emotions and those of others. I rarely feel confused about how I feel about things now, and when I feel something strongly I don't hide or repress it.

    Now, I can be a great partner for @Kayness, and I'm proud that she is mine. I feel very good about our future together. People seem to be more comfortable around me. Being open to others and listening has meant I've learned a lot from them. For example, I have insight I gained from Kay about her experiences when she was a little girl that I've been able to apply to parenting my own child. This has had immediate dramatic positive effects on my daughter. I've also gained a ton of insight into my ex-wife, who I feel I understand better now than I did at any point during our marriage. I even understand why the marriage fell apart, and what each of us did wrong. This will help me do my part to prevent such things in the future.

    • What did you lose?
    Nothing worth keeping.

    • On the whole did you believe these changes were for better or worse?
    For better. When I think about the person I was before, I cringe.

  8. #8
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    The Bhagwan

    I read the books of Bhagwan Shree Ragneesh and I was impressed. They were literate and combined Western therapy with Hindu religion. So I paid to attend a weekend workshop of the Orange People.

    Very soon into the weekend I realised they didn't know how to do Western therapy, and worse, they were destructive to the psyches of those attending the workshop.

    So I quietly explained this wasn't what I was looking for and asked for half of my money back. They immediately took offence and refused to refund any of my money.

    And the subsequent history revealed how destructive the Bhagwan was in India and the United States.

  9. #9
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by ygolo View Post
    Have any of you made significant changes to yourself?

    If so:
    • What were the changes?
    • Do you believe these changes to be superficial or deep?
    • Why did you change?
    • How did you do it?
    • How difficult was this process?
    • What were the benefits?
    • What did you lose?
    • On the whole did you believe these changes were for better or worse?
    Like Kyu before, I am posting to remind myself of a more detailed and thoughtful reply to this thread.

  10. #10
    Senor Membrae Eugene Watson VIII's Avatar
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    What were the changes? Back to being who I feel I really am and was, especially as a kid
    Do you believe these changes to be superficial or deep? More not superficial
    Why did you change? Idk
    How did you do it? Went out more and got out of my head
    How difficult was this process? Not much actually..lol
    What were the benefits? Feeling like yourself. You know the feeling right?
    What did you lose? My not self
    On the whole did you believe these changes were for better or worse? Better
    Myers-Briggs: xsFP

    Enneagram: 9?-4wX?-5/6

    ~ People don't think it be like it is, but it do. ~

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