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  1. #11
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post
    Yeah, it took me until university (maybe even grad school) to find women that I actually related to in any way. Even to this day I don't have any very close female friends - haven't met anyone female that I've been comfortable enough with to really connect, I guess.

    I'm not really sure why. I don't hate women at all, I just don't fit in well with the "girlfriends" dynamic. I vastly prefer the "bros" dynamic, or as close to it as my male friends will allow.


    Yeah I think I prefer bro style of friends more too. I like trading insults for fun, I like going and doing activities, I don't like talking about emotions, I like pranks. I had to be a part of a small group of women that was a very stereotypically "girlfriends" dynamic and it was soooo boring. All the constant relationships talk, not place for jokes that were actually funny and the constant chorus of "I love your outfit/hair/nails/ect. So pretty!". Nice the first time but after a while it just seems like something they just say and I wonder why it matters so much. (I didn't get many of those though because there were very sorority style and I was more.........grungy?)

    But I don;t see that as a clear cut gender line. I have a male INFP friend who basically wants to operate like a girlfriend. Me and his wife are BFFs and have a very bro dynamic and he has a habit of getting his feelings hurt because he doesn't understand that our "insults" are a veiled way of saying "You are my friend and I value you deeply". He feels rebuffed when I don't want to share emotionally with him.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Wolfie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Randomnity View Post

    I'm not really sure why. I don't hate women at all, I just don't fit in well with the "girlfriends" dynamic. I vastly prefer the "bros" dynamic, or as close to it as my male friends will allow.
    I used to feel this way. But eventually I discovered the relaxed nature of men's relationships didn't really suit me once I actually needed a friend. Not to say men are incapable of giving emotional support, but women are (typically) much better at it. I don't usually need it, but when I need it, a female makes an invaluable friend. In my opinion, a relationship with a male can never quite compare with a relationship with another woman.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Wolfie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pseudo View Post

    But I don;t see that as a clear cut gender line. I have a male INFP friend who basically wants to operate like a girlfriend. Me and his wife are BFFs and have a very bro dynamic and he has a habit of getting his feelings hurt because he doesn't understand that our "insults" are a veiled way of saying "You are my friend and I value you deeply". He feels rebuffed when I don't want to share emotionally with him.
    Exactly. In a different way, male dynamics can be just as superficial as a stereotypical female one. My old male best friend and I had a very "bro" type friendship, but he was super super whiny at times and would want to talk incessantly about his relationships, moreso than me, and more than any of my female friends.
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  4. #14
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Yeah, it's usually mommy issues being projected onto other women. Not in all cases, though.

  5. #15
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    The mentality I can't stand is the nice game where women try to out-nice each other, the one with all the false modesty to solicit compliments. These are the passive-aggressive knife wielders. Thank goodness there are women who don't play this revolting game and when I meet one, there's a distinctive click of understanding!

  6. #16
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    Having spent a lot of time with younger males as a result of having brothers with multitudes of friends around all the time, I can say with confidence that the male group dynamic seems to be just as fraught with power struggles, passive-aggression, manipulation, hurt feelings, and over-sensitivity as any female one I've ever experienced. The only difference is that there are no tearful confrontations or dramatic make-ups like you see in the movies with "girlfriends," but then again, none of my female friendships were ever like that, so...
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  7. #17
    Senior Member Wolfie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by andante View Post
    The mentality I can't stand is the nice game where women try to out-nice each other, the one with all the false modesty to solicit compliments. These are the passive-aggressive knife wielders. Thank goodness there are women who don't play this revolting game and when I meet one, there's a distinctive click of understanding!
    Yes. Growing up, my best friend would always present a super angelic face to others, and I didn't bother, so as a result everyone thought I was the bitchy one and she was the nice one, when the reverse was true.
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  8. #18
    figsfiggyfigs
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    People tend to gravitate and get along with individuals that share similarities such as priorities, intresests, etc.
    So when a women says that she does not understand most females she's around, it is likely that she either can not relate to them because there are no valuable similiaties they share, or strives to seek such a segregation.
    I have no issue with any women that say the quotes in your OP. I do have an issue with women who use this attitude as an excuse or a reason to isolate herself or others. It is especially annoying when they pride themselves on keeping it this way and have it a default mindset.

  9. #19
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfie View Post
    Thoughts?

    I'm referring to statements like:

    "I don't get along with girls."

    "Girls are too catty." / "Girls are too dramatic."

    "I don't like girls."

    "Girls are jealous of me."

    Tends to irritate the hell out of me. I usually see it as projection.
    Yeah, I agree - projection. Occasionally (very occasionally) someone may really just become the target of catty women without doing anything on their side - but generally I think it means you're being drama/catty/jealous/etc yourself.


    EDIT: I've just never gravitated to the kind of women/"girlfriends" who are like this. I mean, there have been a few here and there but generally we haven't become proper friends, or haven't really stayed friends, or we're friends but in small doses. My "girlfriends" are generally low-drama and loyal.

    Friendships with men I've found much more fraught in one way or another, but that's another story.
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  10. #20
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wolfie View Post
    Those comments make me suspicious too, but it would depend on the type of girl who is saying them. For instance, if my friend were a tom boy and said that, I wouldn't think she was a woman-hater.

    Edit: Necessarily.
    I grew up with five boys approx the same age as me in a parent set up creche, i knew all of them from since around the time they were born and we often slept in the same cots etc.
    I pretty much was one of the boys since i had short hair till i was six or seven, usually wore trousers/shorts and tee's and generally did things which are considered more 'male'. Like bmx-ing for example.

    I have always felt more comfortable around males though i did opt for longer hair and skirts when i was given the choice.

    I found over the years that girly girls i just don't have much in common with. I am very feminine (aparently) but definately get on with men better in the larger picture.

    I have nurtured/fostered several friendships with women in more recent years and find that i get on with women who are more outspoken, strong willed and have similar moral views... I do have several very good friendships now with women but initially i had to fight to make them work.

    EDIT: I'm curious as to why the OP is concerned with this. Do you see it as some kind of ism or do you like people to fit nicely into gender defined roles...or something else?

    Was there a specific instance/group of instances etc that lead you to start the thread?
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