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  1. #1
    Dreaming the life onemoretime's Avatar
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    Default Men, Intimacy, and Vulnerability

    http://www.alternet.org/gender/why-d...acy?paging=off

    While some of the article may seem a bit cliche, I also think it rings true, for the most part. Men showing their fears and weaknesses does not bring a lot of social approval with it, even though it is critical to establishing deep, meaningful relationships.

    What say you?

  2. #2

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    I like this part:
    Dr. Kal Heller, a licensed psychologist specializing in child and family services, writes that “Intimacy is very risky because it requires making such a serious commitment to the relationship that each person will experience a sense of dependency on the other. To admit to needing someone else is to risk loss and deep hurt.”
    I wonder, are the female stereotypes more favorable towards intimacy. Aren't they, in some sense, expected to always be nurturing, positive, and approving? Perhaps this is helpful for others, but how about for themselves?

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  3. #3
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Default

    I'm not vulnerable. stop telling people that.

  4. #4
    garbage
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    Pretty much, yeah. I'm not a big fan of the whole "gender roles" thing; the differences between us are very much overblown. We all feel hurt or weak from time to time. If another person can't get past that bullshit and won't allow me to get past that bullshit, then we're not going be able to build intimacy.

    It's also pretty telling that men stereotypically want to "fix problems," yet they deny actually having problems.



    Men be all like this, women be all like that

  5. #5
    Senior Member Chiharu's Avatar
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    Hmm... I woud say that men don't typically like to show their feelings around groups of other men, but I know a lot of men who openly express their feelings to women or their SO just fine.
    Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness." ― Kurt Vonnegut

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  6. #6
    ISFJophile zelo1954's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chiharu View Post
    Hmm... I woud say that men don't typically like to show their feelings around groups of other men, but I know a lot of men who openly express their feelings to women or their SO just fine.
    I rather think you might have hit the nail on the head there. Certainly describes me to a "T". To your list of course I would most certainly add SO wannabees.
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  7. #7
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Is this men and women or is this F vs. T?

  8. #8
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zelo1954 View Post
    I rather think you might have hit the nail on the head there. Certainly describes me to a "T". To your list of course I would most certainly add SO wannabees.
    Further to this, I've been told that if you're a girl and a guy really opens up to you, he likely views you as more than a friend (trust, desire for vulnerability, etc). And I have also been told that if he opens up to you and reveals vulnerability, he JUST views you as a friend because if he was interested in you, he would maintain the sort of "strong" facade (to impress you) and not be inclined to the vulnerability thing.

    So which is it? Or does it really just depend on what kind of guy you're dealing with?
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  9. #9
    insert random title here Randomnity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onemoretime View Post
    http://www.alternet.org/gender/why-d...acy?paging=off

    While some of the article may seem a bit cliche, I also think it rings true, for the most part. Men showing their fears and weaknesses does not bring a lot of social approval with it, even though it is critical to establishing deep, meaningful relationships.

    What say you?
    I think it would be helpful if we tried to discourage "man code" ideas overall. I've seen some people do it fairly well with their children who grew up to be fairly non-stereotypically male in this area as well as others, although there will always be a lot of influence of peers, TV, etc etc.
    -end of thread-

  10. #10
    ISFJophile zelo1954's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Further to this, I've been told that if you're a girl and a guy really opens up to you, he likely views you as more than a friend (trust, desire for vulnerability, etc). And I have also been told that if he opens up to you and reveals vulnerability, he JUST views you as a friend because if he was interested in you, he would maintain the sort of "strong" facade (to impress you) and not be inclined to the vulnerability thing.

    So which is it? Or does it really just depend on what kind of guy you're dealing with?
    I don't know SilkRoad but I can say for certain that you can place me very much in the first category. But I'm a 4w5 and you shouldn't assume I'm anything other than unique

    One other point when dealing with introverts. If he shows you the king of his castle (i.e. his dominant process) on a 1:1 basis, especially when you know he's trying to benefit you, you can safely assume he is smitten.
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