Men, Intimacy, and Vulnerability

[Coriolis]

I am very interested in hearing other people's answers to this. I, for one, have more experience with the latter; the guys who have opened up to me have usually been friend-zoning me. When they're interested in me, it's taken them longer to open up.

I also know women who avoid vulnerability and dependence, and hardly discuss feelings at all (even with other women). Another case of where it might be correct to identify a majority of men/women who behave a certain way, but there are substantial minorities who either do the opposite, or fall in some middle ground.

 

[onemoretime]

I also know women who avoid vulnerability and dependence, and hardly discuss feelings at all (even with other women). Another case of where it might be correct to identify a majority of men/women who behave a certain way, but there are substantial minorities who either do the opposite, or fall in some middle ground.

What's of concern is how these norms do much to preclude support networks for men, even when they are comfortable with opening up. Even if a woman tends to keep her feelings to herself, she likely has people who will lend an ear in those rare moments she does have to express them, who will be able to relate similar experiences and establish an empathic bond. Men are capable of doing this, but the social prohibition against it makes it much less likely for their resources to be available when another man is in a time of acute need.

 

[Coriolis]

What's of concern is how these norms do much to preclude support networks for men, even when they are comfortable with opening up. Even if a woman tends to keep her feelings to herself, she likely has people who will lend an ear in those rare moments she does have to express them, who will be able to relate similar experiences and establish an empathic bond. Men are capable of doing this, but the social prohibition against it makes it much less likely for their resources to be available when another man is in a time of acute need.

I'm not sure this is the case. The constraint of social norms thrives best in public. The kind of rare moments you mention, though, usually happen in a very private setting, with only one or two very close and trusted associates. Most men I know have at least one person who fits into this category. Men may not follow a buddy to the men's room during a dinner party to chat, but they will wait for a quiet one-on-one moment with that trusted person. So, I don't think the situation is as bad as you are describing.

 

[zelo1954]

Bit late with this now but this blog entry is WELL worth a read:

http://carriescreativepenblogspot.blogspot.co.nz/2009/05/male-female-platonic-relationships.html