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View Poll Results: How happy are you?

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33. You may not vote on this poll
  • 10 - About as happy as a person can be

    2 6.06%
  • 9 - I'm very happy

    1 3.03%
  • 8 - The significant majority of time, I'm very happy

    6 18.18%
  • 7 - I'm pretty happy but not always

    6 18.18%
  • 6 - I'm happy about some things in my life but there are things that I'm unhappy about

    7 21.21%
  • 5. I'm not happy or unhappy - just in the middle

    5 15.15%
  • 4. I'm more unhappy than happy

    2 6.06%
  • 3. I'm mostly unhappy

    1 3.03%
  • 2. I'm pretty darn unhappy

    2 6.06%
  • 1. I'm very unhappy

    1 3.03%
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Results 31 to 40 of 42

  1. #31
    Senior Member Little_Sticks's Avatar
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    I just want to comment. Didn't watch the video and don't really want to.

    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    1. Happy people are connectors vs. those who are detached. Love and connection creates “wiring” in your brain that makes you happier. It’s about sharing vulnerabilities and being there for others.
    As long as we aren't equating detached with introversion, then this seems true to me. I appear detached, but I think most people that identify as introverted would argue they are attaching themselves greatly by being introverted. Perhaps detached here means introversion without attachment.

    2. Happy people are givers. We share something that we have.
    As long as we aren't talking about material things, but giving something emotionally to connect with another, then I agree.

    3. Happy people think differently than unhappy people. Unhappy thinkers explain outcomes based on something they lack in themselves (they personalize things). Then they extend this one event pervasively – that everything is bad. Then they feel like what just happened is permanent - that things will always be that way. 90% of our thinking patterns are the same from one day to the next. The way to break out of this is to observe and have focused attention on how we are thinking and follow that by action – to change those negative thought patterns.
    I don't know if it's fair to categorize all unhappy thinkers as personalizing things. I guess if you want to say that negative thinkers tend to set themselves up for unhappiness, yeah sure. But you can have an unhappy thinker that doesn't personalize things that is due to that 10%. Being poor and not being able to take care of your physical needs, for instance, is one example.

    4. Happy people have goals. We need to be pushing ourselves to the next thing that makes us uncomfortable. Fear is one of the most damaging thought patterns. He said that conquering our fears is very important.
    Maybe. But fear is there to protect us. There's definitely something to be said about conquering your fears as a person, but that shit is a painful dissociative process; it is. The personal self - one must dissociative from themselves, as they are, if they want to associate themselves into something else. I know it sounds silly for me to say it this way, but if you don't know what I'm saying, then you probably don't understand what he means by this.

    5. Happy people have faith. People that have a strong spiritual orientation that give them meaning and purpose are happier. One study shows a 7-year difference in life span from this one thing.
    This sounds ignorant. Because the word faith can include an assumption, people that have faith are sometimes greatly in the wrong and do harm because of it. But people that know however, know something deeper about life, something substantial, that's more than a word can convey. And they don't require that you understand, nor will they use it against you or to rationalize/categorize you or tell you how to live. But they can use it to improve the overall well-being of the world around them. And they don't have faith. They have something else.

    I hope he's talking about the later. But given that he doesn't recognize the distinction, it sounds like he's selling religion to people through statistics. And I don't think we need to get into the epistemological problems of statistical correlations.

    Thoughts on this? On a scale from 1 to 10, how happy are you?
    Isn't such a question a bit ironic? If I said my well-being improves by not recognizing the idea of being happy or unhappy (because it also focuses my thought on ideas of "I" instead of "everything"), do you think you would have any idea what I meant?

  2. #32
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    I agree with @ygolo.
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  3. #33
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    For me there's a difference between happiness and contentment, a feeling of happiness and a deep rooted sense of well being and joy. I am a naturally cheerful and optimistic person. I am a master of reframing, I am militantly hopeful and I refuse to give on some things and some people on principle. Overall I am content on some basic levels (like maslows hierarchy of needs) and Ican experience happiness in the moment. Overall I am grateful as objectively I have tangible things to be grateful for that not everyone has.

    However contentment means boredom in this case. I have long term goals I want to work on and chronic frustrations so Id say Im between 6 and 7 depending on how you look st it. I think others who know me would say I'm happy and guess I'm at least 7 or 8. I'm still cheerful though. Perhaps that's more a character trait. :P

    I dated someone who was essentially depressive and tortured at their core. That sounds corny but it's true. 10 years of therapy with a hack counselor plus a shrink plus meds didn't really make a dent. Though there were times that made her happy relatively speaking and people looking from outside in from a distance are clueless about how deep and intrinsic her personal darkness is. I agree with biology or makeup habing a hand in it. Some people are essentially depressive, some are buoyant and that runs the gamut. Just like how some people are laid back and some are serious.

    I don't think biology is destiny though or necessarily limits our capacity for happiness or love. I think given our brain wiring and chemicals we can all experience higher levels. It will just give us different particular challenges and will take on a different cast. Its hard to quantify happiness or lived experience...

    I'm rambling now :P

    AhI just read Ygolos post as well. I like where's he's going with the discussion and the definition or types of happiness and how security plays into it. Meaning a facade of happiness can be used to mask Insecurity or people become focus on the trappings of happiness and stop attending to the actual factors that make us happy. Or something.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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  4. #34
    ⒺⓉⒷ Eric B's Avatar
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    Much is made of "happiness" and how others are going about it wrong (especially in Christian teaching: "people use riches, fame, sex, leisure, etc. but don't be envious of them; they're not happy!". But I think much of the strife for material things and pleasure is not so much about "happiness" in itself; it's just a survival instinct gone off kilter. Happiness is just the emotional reward for meeting those needs. Then, it becomes an end in itself.
    Quote Originally Posted by UniqueMixture View Post
    I agree with the glance I had of the original post, BUT I think happiness comes from perspective largely. Perspective alone is not enough, but I think it is indispensable. How you interpret a situation is based on how you FEEL about the situation. So, if you have a "negative" experience it is usually interpreted that way because you view it as emblematic of something larger. It has INHERENT meaning. For example, people react very differently when they receive the same insult even if it is accurate for both people. The reason is that the person who gets annoyed views it as something that is UNCHANGEABLE about THEMSELVES. If instead you have the perspective that this is just a situation or experience and is not inherently negative and that you have the power to change it then you will not react in the same manner.
    Great point. This is what I'm grappling with now, in mid-life crisis. Finding out that I suffer from a lifelong deficit of feeling valued or desirable (starting with father, and very unconscious), that is what really leads to the "three P's" as he calls it (Personal, Pervasive, Permanent). AS, with its sensory overload, also makes these things seem larger than life.
    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    For me there's a difference between happiness and contentment, a feeling of happiness and a deep rooted sense of well being and joy. I am a naturally cheerful and optimistic person. I am a master of reframing, I am militantly hopeful and I refuse to give on some things and some people on principle. Overall I am content on some basic levels (like maslows hierarchy of needs) and Ican experience happiness in the moment. Overall I am grateful as objectively I have tangible things to be grateful for that not everyone has.
    Interesting. I would think that happiness is to contentment, as what sadness is to anger.
    In this book, http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Healin.../dp/0882709666 the outlines 11 primary emotions, in pairs of opposites, except for anger, "the ultimate emotion", which they claimed has no opposite. I would think this "contentment" or "peace" would fit, though they looked at that, and concluded it was not really an emotion (but rather a "spiritual state").
    Sadness is a sense-negative reaction that is unique to humans (“intellect” —“intuitive” or “contemplative” mind — “heart“), while anger is "utilitarian" and shared with animals (“working” or “discursive” mind). So likewise, happiness and contentment will be their sense-positive counterparts.
    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    The life practices he mentions are:
    1. Happy people are connectors vs. those who are detached. Love and connection creates “wiring” in your brain that makes you happier. It’s about sharing vulnerabilities and being there for others.
    Quote Originally Posted by Little_Sticks View Post
    As long as we aren't equating detached with introversion, then this seems true to me. I appear detached, but I think most people that identify as introverted would argue they are attaching themselves greatly by being introverted. Perhaps detached here means introversion without attachment.
    I don't know if it's fair to categorize all unhappy thinkers as personalizing things. I guess if you want to say that negative thinkers tend to set themselves up for unhappiness, yeah sure. But you can have an unhappy thinker that doesn't personalize things that is due to that 10%. Being poor and not being able to take care of your physical needs, for instance, is one example.
    It seems some of that will be shaped by type, since Thinking types will tend to be more "detached".
    So I wonder if that relates in any way to the Big Five. "T/F" is generally correlated with "Agreeableness", but those correlations are not absolute, and I think T/F also figures a lot in Neuroticism; the missing fifth factor.
    But I wondered how it fit. Thinking's "detachment", at least as characterized by MBTI and Keirsey discussions, appears to be the more "calm" or "stable" while Feeling is more "limbic" (neurotic).
    In my own correlations, because Eysenck originally defined Neuroticism by association with the Melancholic and Choleric (and I figure fifth temperament Supine would by definition be neurotic as well) I associated Neuroticism with any "low" score in expressiveness or responsiveness (introversion, cooperativeness, directiveness and structure-focus), and Feeling would fall on the "high" responsive side (informative for S's, motive focus for N's, and thus "Agreeable" for FFM), then it seems Feeling would be less neurotic, or more stable. (P, also).

    So this association of "connecting" with "happiness" would seem to go along with that. (And F+P would be even more "happy" than F+J, because of the internal standard that does not depend on others, whose behavior we cannot really control anyway).
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  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    I just saw this guy at church today. He talked about what causes us to be happy.

    The key points are:

    Happiness is a result or outcome of other things.

    We get 10% from things external to ourselves. If we get a thing we want, we get a short-term bump. Examples are when we buy something or get that relationship we wanted. After that, we go back to a set point of who we are as a person.

    The other 90% consists of two things:
    1. your biological makeup
    2. a set of life practices – the way we live leads to the end result

    So, happiness to a significant degree is a result of the way you live. The life practices he mentions are:
    1. Happy people are connectors vs. those who are detached. Love and connection creates “wiring” in your brain that makes you happier. It’s about sharing vulnerabilities and being there for others.
    2. Happy people are givers. We share something that we have.
    3. Happy people think differently than unhappy people. Unhappy thinkers explain outcomes based on something they lack in themselves (they personalize things). Then they extend this one event pervasively – that everything is bad. Then they feel like what just happened is permanent - that things will always be that way. 90% of our thinking patterns are the same from one day to the next. The way to break out of this is to observe and have focused attention on how we are thinking and follow that by action – to change those negative thought patterns.
    4. Happy people have goals. We need to be pushing ourselves to the next thing that makes us uncomfortable. Fear is one of the most damaging thought patterns. He said that conquering our fears is very important.
    5. Happy people have faith. People that have a strong spiritual orientation that give them meaning and purpose are happier. One study shows a 7-year difference in life span from this one thing.


    Thoughts on this? On a scale from 1 to 10, how happy are you?
    Great thread!

    I peg myself as a 7. Overall my internal spring of optimism runneth over, but I definitely am aware of the areas in my life that don't make me happy. If I were to drop everything and focus on what inside of me that I want to do, then my happiness would explode past countable numbers. So I guess my current level of happiness spawns from the knowledge that I can be happy no matter my circumstances so long as I find that inner sanctum to draw strength from.

    I have my moments of extreme doubt and pessimismness, but overall I know I have something within me that won't go softly away.

  6. #36
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    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  7. #37
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    6 - I'm happy about some things in my life but there are things that I'm unhappy about

  8. #38
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    I think happiness may not be a choice, although physiological/biological health and fulfillment in work and love can help. Conventional wisdom says it is a choice, but how could such a thing be proven? How can you show two people with all the same conditions except for difference in choice? And yet we readily believe this and expect it of one another.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
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    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  9. #39
    SingSmileShine
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    Right now, I'm a 5. Recovering from GAD, depression, and an eating disorder. When I'm stable, though, I'm a 9 or a 10!

  10. #40
    Senor Membrae Eugene Watson VIII's Avatar
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    I'm able to do much more nowdays, so I suppose that's part of my cause.
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