how do you react when someone yells at you

[MyCupOfTea]

I'm yelled & cursed at (in my face) and sometimes physically threated on the daily at work (the nature of my job). This stuff just rolls off 98% of the time as I stare blankly at them and calmly perform my duties. Which sometimes is it's own juicy reward, watching them have a nuclear melt down due to their inability to shift my emotional state or control theirs.

Quite a job you have!

 

[SpankyMcFly]

Quite a job you have!

"Nesecity is the father of invention.". It' amazing how we adapt/cope : . BTW it's not my coworkers that are like that. Most of my coworkets are moderately to high 'rated' assholes, however, hehe. It usually takes me 2-3 hours to decompress after work. Music helps lots.

 

[Hitoshi-San]

It really depends on the person, but I don't think I've cried while or after being yelled at since I was in like elementary school. Sometimes I'll just stare at them and not say anything and keep my words limited, other times I'll fight back.

Most of the time I'll probably roll my eyes or argue with them but just like ten decibels quieter.

 

[Nyltiak]

I just keep quiet and stare at them until they wind down before responding. It usually works pretty well and it gives me time to fully understand what they're upset about.

 

[windoverlake]

It's been a while since I've been yelled at, and yelled at by a sane person. I really cannot remember the last time I was yelled at outside of childhood and jobs involving customer service.

If someone sane yelled at my today, I would be genuinely shocked. I don't conduct myself in ways that would entail being yelled at, and I don't work in an environment where yelling would be considered acceptable behaviour.

Anyway, remembering my customer service days, it's often immediately obvious that the yeller is having a bad day/week/life. If you're yelling and I have to stop and assess whether you have a legitimate reason to be yelling, then you do not have a legitimate reason, and yelling without reason lacks dignity so I go into calm and receptive mode. I will try and get the yeller to calm down, mainly by not responding with more noise. Instinctively, I feel a need to balance the situation, so I react by trying to calm the situation, figure out what they want, and send them away in a subdued state. In my experience, yellers are often in some kind of distress, usually mild but sometimes acute.

On the other hand, if the yeller is one of those entitled, conceited, self-involved brats who yell because they never acquired proper manners, then I do the above, but I retract warmth and generosity and turn up the infuriatingly polite, robotic, by-the-book shtick.

If the yeller is a friend and they're trolling me, then I yell right back. If I'm in fighting trim shape, I yell out something that will embarrass them.

 

[Chrysanthe]

why would someone yell at me?

~Curls up into a ball and rolls away into the darkness, never to be seen again.~

 

[EJCC]

If it's from out of nowhere and it's not warranted, I stay detached, say something like "Whoa, whoa, okay", and start trying to talk them down. Figuring out what exactly they're talking about, and how to convince them they're wrong.

If I saw it coming and it's not warranted, I'll probably still try to talk them down, but I will also have had some time to get angry about the situation, so it might be harder to detach.

If it's from out of nowhere and it's warranted, I'll feel shitty, let them finish yelling, and try to figure out the best way to react apologetically.

If I saw it coming and it's warranted, I'll get upset, since I'll probably have been wallowing in guilt for a while before then. I might even cry later.

 

[Redbone]

It depends.

I tend to be kinda reactive so I'll probably yell back because I'd be startled and angry.

I have walked away, started laughing, or asked if they were finished when someone was yelling, too. Outside of my ex and my roommate while we were dating, haven't had a lot of yelling come my way.

I actually get yelled at or spoken to in a nasty manner quite a bit on my job. Usually right when I pick up the phone, "blah, blah, blah...this is so and so" and WHAM! I'm often the last person on the end of a series of run-arounds or don't know who else to call and they're pretty pissed off by that point. I don't take it personally, empathize with their frustration and tell them I'll do my best to help them out. I don't really feel "yelled at" in those situations, just a kind of witness to frustration, so I guess it doesn't count.

 

[windoverlake]

Hearing about people getting yelled at on the job, I'm now very curious about what this actually looks and sounds like. Are we talking Al Pacino yelling?

 

[noyo]

Depends.
If it's an argument or I am in a particularly polemic mood I will yell back or tell them to chill down. Otherwise, I will just ignore them.

 

[RedAmazoneFriendZone]

I normally argue and generally have the last word.

However, that depends on the situation, and the "why the hell is he/she yelling at me".

If I am wrong (which does not happen very often) I'll say I was wrong. For example if I hurt someone without intending to do so, I will generously be sorry.

If I think the person is being unfair to me, he/she'd better run as fast as he/she can or batwoman will kick his/her ass !

 

[Kas]

I don't understand shouting. There is always better way to communicate something.

I'm usually calm (posing to be calm at least) for different reasons:
1) to not give sb satisfaction
2) because I freeze
3) because I know that I'm can't really control my emotions so if I show any of them it may end up being outburst
4) because sb is wrong

In the fourth case I don't care so much. In the three other I care a lot, I may cry or shout back too, it depends. But usually I’m being calm even if later I break.

 

[iHeartCats]

Yell back on autopilot unless it's at work

 

[Yama]

Generally I don't get yelled at by anyone except my father or sister. When they yell at me, I usually yell back, get frustrated with our terrible communication, and storm off to my room to cry. Although once, my manager at work when I worked in customer service got fed up with me. I couldn't find a binder I desperately needed to help a customer (well, vendor. It was the vendor book. They have to have it to sign in and out). The customer service desk at work was always a fucking mess that I gave up on organizing because the next time I'd come in, my fellow coworkers, employees, and managers would just treat it like a trash can and move everything again. He helped me find it, and SLAMMED it down on the desk, in front of me and my line of customers. It made a really loud thud. And he... I guess it wasn't exactly yelling, but a high raised and clearly annoyed voice, "Open your eyes next time and find it yourself." This really bothered me. We're always pushed to be fast and I might not have been able to find it for 10 minutes without help, and there is never more than one customer service person working at a time (they don't want to pay multiple people). When we have problems, we're supposed to call the manager over. I had a problem. I understand why it frustrated him--he has a lot of people to help, like the cashiers. But his reaction shook me up so much that I could barely do my job after that because I was holding back tears.

tl;dr If it's family I yell back then cry in my room, if it's a stranger I freeze up and can't move or react and feel the strong need to run away and hide and cry.

 

[Forever]

Usually-I yell back. I feel their anger which starts to make it become a part of mine. It's like poison.

 

[Dreamer]

I usually try to calm them down by remaining calm myself. Being yelled at doesn't often effect my emotions negatively if I know I didn't do anything wrong, but if I know I did something wrong, especially if it was unintentional clumsiness and I'm yelled at for it, I tend to take it much harder than a normal person would, and it can sometimes hurt my self-esteem if I stew on the experience for too long since I can be very critical of myself.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Over 90% percent of times when someone yelled at me was simply because they could not keep their shit togather over the reasons that have nothing to do with me.
Therefore I usually just roll my eyes, listen to the rant and then I go away.

 

[Evo]

I shut right the fuck down.

 

[Jade Heart]

It depends- if it's someone I hold dearly, I usually look at them silently, maybe with a sad face- I don't know what I look like when that happens. If it's an acquaintance, I snap back at them with the assertion that there's no need to yell when I can understand them fine from a normal speaking volume. If it's someone I don't know, I glare at them or give them a wide eyed puppy look, depending on my mood.

 

[Ozzy]

I always smile back. Especially when I'm the one yelling.