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Thread: how do you react when someone yells at you

  1. #71
    No moss growing on me Array Giggly's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
    2 sx/so


    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    do you freeze, do you yell back, what do you do?

    I freeze, unable to do anything, and than I cry- I wish i would stop this, but no matter how hard i try this is what happens.
    It depends on who's yelling at me. If it's someone I really care about and respect I will freeze, go silent and more than likely end up crying (I try to wait until I'm alone though). If it's someone I don't care about or respect, I will do the same thing but without the crying and probably just avoid them after that.

  2. #72
    Senior Member Array Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    Jan 2009
    3w4 sx/so


    People have different life experiences. And those, unfortunately if bad and hurtful, tend to form us to some degree. The difference one can make is in choosing an attitude that allows them to live healthy. And that can make all the difference because we can't help how others treat us.

    When someone yells at me I realize that as some sort of problem the person yelling is having.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
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  3. #73
    Peaced Array Quay's Avatar
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    Feb 2010
    6w5 sp/sx
    EII Ni


    I look at them like this:

    cuz I know there is no way this person could be talking to me with such elevated tones. I ignore yelling. Easiest way to get disregarded.

  4. #74
    mrs Array disregard's Avatar
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    Apr 2007


    If it's someone close to me, I do met tolerate yelling. I will get stone-faced and remove myself from their vicinity. Yelling is rude.

  5. #75
    The Memes Justify the End Array EcK's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    ILE None


    Depends on context.

    I usually get angry at underlying assumptions (like: if he says that then he must be assuming at some level that a and b and that pisses me off).
    So that tends to mean I have less capacity at getting angry at strangers (not knowing them as well) with which I'll be 'colder' in case of conflict.

    Some ppl are quite emotionally unrelatable to me and then it's just confusing. For example people with strong psychopathic traits.

    I get angry when people lack respect towards me/ don't respect my space, when people bullshit me, negative people as I feel it's infectious and I don't want that crap on me.

    about the respect thing It's quite hard to define in words for me (NT. ), I don't really care about most things.

    I guess it gravitates around competency (treat me as if i was incompetent without very solid justification and we're going to have a problem).
    For example, I won't get upset enough to 'yell' in most traditional conflict situations but I can tell someone to fuck off pretty loudly if they give forced/unwanted advice in an area where I am competent and they are not. The trigger is not the fact people want to 'discuss' the topic which I am more than fine with, it's related to disregarding my input (weak trigger) or Si-judging me to death, stating things as absolute without solid backing (strong trigger). It usually takes multiple instances of such situations to get me 'angry'. I have to reach a point where I don't see the conversation as fruitful and simply a waste of time in addition to being patronizing to me (ie: if u think ur right give me solid reasons, if u just judge me because of some external frame that has nothing to do with ur knowledge of my decision making which I have previously demonstrated to be coherent and explained then please go away - if reason and polite requests fail, i will yell)

    Example of a situation:
    I make it very clear I don't need input on the purchase of a new computer. The computer is already purchased and I'm easily in the top 10% of the population in computer-related-matters-fluency. I also had the best information on my factors in selecting said purchase, which I did not disclose with that individual.

    The person communicates in a way that implies doubting my decision (offering alternatives without having the technical know-how, and ignoring the fact that the purchase is already done, makes statements questioning the financial-sense of the purchase etc.) - such unwanted/baseless inputs have been provided many times before and my input doesn't seem to have 'convinced that person' that I can indeed make my own decisions without getting unwanted advice.

    After a first and second warning where I make it clear I do not wish to have this conversation I will start raising my voice
    Until, usually around the 3rd / 5th time I say 'no thx' I will start yelling loud enough for them to go away.

    I'm not very proud of it but I don't find other ways to help getting rid of this type of nuisance.

    I often get into conflict with my father (alpha male extj) who has alot of knowledge and is a very smart man, however the lack of flexibility and habit of passing judgment before hearing me out on any and all topics + repeated such interactions tend to drive me nuts. I however enjoy interacting with him in other instances (as stated previously, very knowledgable)

    Which makes me think - I think I 'm more likely to get angry at people whose competency I recognize in some field or another. I seem to be triggered by people's actions that seem to indicate that , whatever their reason is, they question my own 'competency'. For example if someone tells me I'm good at something yet keep trying to micro manage me. To me the action of trying to micro manage me and ignoring my input makes the first statement hypocritical/insulting/condescending (all strong 'yelling' triggers)

    My main drive in 'cold' anger (staring at you like I'm going to slap you and explaining politely how and why you should learn some manners) is to correct disrespectful behavior towards me, my main drive behind 'snapping at people' (hot anger) seems to be me wanting to 'get them off my back' at which point I am usually fed up enough not to care if it doesn't really solve the issue as I'm just trying to dissuade them from interacting with me in the same fashion again)

    I'm a 7w8 so I guess it makes sense (yelling/most upset at attacks on my core values - my ability to think logically/my ability to remain positive minded. and secondary drive for status / respect - for example I have a history of putting rude waiters 'in their place' (just an idiomatic expression, i don't mean anything superiorish by that) and have them eat out of my hand the next time i go to that cafe/restaurant )
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

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  6. #76


    Depends on who is yelling at me.

    If it's someone I like and respect and care about, I will freeze for a minute and then after that I will start defending myself (I won't yell back at them but I will speak up for myself and try to explain myself).

    If it's someone whom I don't respect and don't like, I will freeze, and then I started getting angry at myself for not yelling back at that person, then I started mentally putting that person into my 'shit list' and remind myself to avoid that person in future.

  7. #77
    Permabanned Array
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    Jul 2014
    5w4 sx/sp


    I hate it. It's the worst feeling ever when someone yells at me.

    I usually just shut down.

  8. #78


    I try to calmly talk them down to a less emotional state. If that doesn't work, I leave. If they follow me and continue yelling, I might explode.

    Ultimately my reaction will depend on why they are yelling/what they are yelling about. Usually the first thing I say is, "why are you yelling? I don't understand the need to yell to make whatever point you want to make. Can we talk about it like rational people?"

  9. #79
    Wake, See, Sing, Dance Array Cellmold's Avatar
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    Mar 2012


    Quote Originally Posted by Evee View Post
    I hate it. It's the worst feeling ever when someone yells at me.

    I usually just shut down.
    I'm sort of similar although sometimes I just get angry and bite back, which isn't the best reaction.
    "An upsidedown wire heart
    Being sucked into a periscope
    Still the mind is dull
    Like you need another excuse"

    … a theory is primarily a form of insight, i.e. a way of looking
    at the world, and not a form of knowledge of how the world is….
    .. all our different ways of thinking are to be considered as
    different ways of looking at the one reality, each with some
    domain in which it is clear and adequate….
    - David Bohm

  10. #80
    Retired Member Array
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    9w1 sx/sp
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    A lot like this kid, or inert.

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