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  1. #131
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    When someone yells at me my first response is restraint. I restrain my immediate response to give myself time to assess the situation.

    Surprisingly restraint gives me power in the situation. And often I can see the yeller is distressed but too emotionally weak to contain their own distress, but rather they hysterically seek to put their distress on me, to make me distressed.

    Once I realise this my next response is to laugh.

    I am laughing at an emotionally weak person acting as though they are strong.

    And more interestingly, I can see the yeller is trying to get inside my head and so control me. But by restraining my first response, I keep them out of my head, and so give myself a safe space to act.

  2. #132
    mercenary SiegfriedSchtauffen's Avatar
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    I accept a very diverse set of behavior from people but I think this one (somebody yelling at me) is unacceptable. At this point I can't imagine a situation where it could be reasonable. It happened to me only a few times in my life (within family when I was younger). The reaction from the current me would be as follows (regardless whether it is a boss, or anything else):
    1. Optionally an internationally recognized signalling with my middle fingers with one or two hands
    2. Optionally some subtle face expressions (wrinkles on forehead or subtle smile depending on the situation) to communicate when I don't give a shit and/or when I want him/her to deal with his on shit without me
    3. Not saying a word, not giving a shit, turning and walking away to have some fun
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  3. #133
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    It doesn't really bother me. I seem to regard the level of someone's voice to not be that important. Mainly, what are they saying? Why?

    I react to what they are saying rather than how they say it.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  4. #134
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    It doesn't really bother me. I seem to regard the level of someone's voice to not be that important. Mainly, what are they saying? Why?

    I react to what they are saying rather than how they say it.
    um not sure, i wrote the op a long while a go

    but lets assume it's something not true that could ruin something important to you like lose of your job or SO or child (if you have a child i dunno if you do, if you don't have any of the things think of something really really really really really important to you, that you'd be devasted to have taken away)
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #135
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    um not sure, i wrote the op a long while a go

    but lets assume it's something not true that could ruin something important to you like lose of your job or SO or child (if you have a child i dunno if you do, if you don't have any of the things think of something really really really really really important to you, that you'd be devasted to have taken away)
    I'm not sure I understand. Someone is yelling at you (me) things that are not true? Are you asking how I would respond to that?
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  6. #136
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    I'm not sure I understand. Someone is yelling at you things that are not true? Are you asking how I would respond to that?
    yes that if people think are true could ruin you in some capacity that's important to you
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  7. #137
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    yes that if people think are true could ruin you in some capacity that's important to you
    Well, if it isn't true then I wouldn't be worried. I would be pretty calm. If it is an accusation that is so negative then I would remain calm but gather evidence that proves the other party as a liar. I would make sure that the other party does not have any credibility - even if it is just me being above reproach.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  8. #138
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Well, if it isn't true then I wouldn't be worried. I would be pretty calm. If it is an accusation that is so negative then I would remain calm but gather evidence that proves the other party as a liar. I would make sure that the other party does not have any credibility.
    what if you can't prove them not having credibility?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  9. #139
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    what if you can't prove them not having credibility?
    Well, (a specific example would be best here) but since it is vague - I would show a lot of transparency. Meaning: make my actions public or have someone trusted verify or witness the way I'm doing things. Im thinking if someone is accusing me of stealing - I would ask someone to double check me, as a witness.

    Once others start to see that I'm being above board and the other party doesn't stop their accusations- they start to lose credibility and you can then turn tables.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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    Likes prplchknz liked this post

  10. #140
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    Well, (a specific example would be best here) but since it is vague - I would show a lot of transparency. Meaning: make my actions public or have someone trusted verify or witness the way I'm doing things. Im thinking if someone is accusing me of stealing - I would ask someone to double check me, as a witness.

    Once others start to see that I'm being above board and the other party doesn't stop their accusations- they start to lose credibility and you can then turn tables.
    yeah i yell back at first

    but the rest is how i am in such situations, and as a result people end up trusting me more in the long run

    i've never been accused of stealing but whenever something is stolen and i'm the room/building and it's annouced my instinct is they're gonna accuse me, even though i had no clue until they annouced it.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so
    Likes MDP2525 liked this post

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