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Thread: how do you react when someone yells at you

  1. #91
    boo Array Hawthorne's Avatar
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    Jan 2015
    7w8 so/sp


    depends. I'm one of those people who makes inappropriate expressions at the wrong times so sometimes I'll smile or laugh even if I'm starting to get annoyed or when nervous or i'll shutdown to deadpan if I don't have the energy to deal with it at the time.

    i very rarely yell back but if someone is being exceptionally ridiculous, i'll sometimes snippily ask if they're done ranting and would like to talk about the problem.

  2. #92
    Active Member Array Poki's Avatar
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    Dec 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by jscrothers View Post
    Huh, this is actually a tough one. I guess it's on a case-by-case basis and/or gut feeling.

    When people yell, they're usually exaggerating for effect whether they know it or not. That's a good way to ward off some perceived threat or otherwise get what you want through sheer force.

    In many cases they're giving you some actual facts, but the degree is way off. "I feel that you--" becomes "YOU ALWAYS--". And if their information is incomplete, they'll fill it in a way that strengthens their "case." And they'll twist the information they do have around. And they'll shut out any outside input.

    They're less prone to doing all of that if they're calmed down.
    Yeah, you should take what they say it really pisses them off . I do that with my son. YOU MIGHT AS WELL JUST THROW IT AWAY. ok, done. I am not the best to yell at. When my ex does I just don't respond to the assumptions and let her sit in her anger and frustration. I have also been known to respond in text Ahhhhhhh......runnnnnn....the sky is falling. Did I ever say I don't like anger, I can and will turn it back on you via leverage.
    Take what I say with a grain of salt, because that's all it is compared to the ocean of complexity when it comes to actions and real life.
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  3. #93
    Temporal Mechanic. Array Lexicon's Avatar
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    Sep 2008
    5w6 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I tend to emotionally detach as a protective response, likely from my upbringing. I see someone losing control over their behavior due to their own emotional responses, and I know nothing will get solved if everyone's losing their shit. Or, depending on the situation, the person [this has only happened with unhealthy people, though] might be yelling in an attempt to draw out an emotional response from me, to feel a sense of control over the situation, because, as noted above- when someone's already yelling, they've lost control-- some people NEI'm ED you to react in a similar, volatile way in order to feel emotionally validated. That said, I can't allow myself to give them the satisfaction of upsetting me, nor can I in good conscience feed into an unhealthy dynamic like that. The behaviors people resort to, when expressing their anger, on some level, ARE a choice, and over the years I've made it my choice not to allow their problem to become mine on that basic level, and create needless stress.

    I mean, sure, if it's someone I'm close to, of course I am anxious and stressed because they're angry with me-- I can't stand that--- but I still tend to shut off emotionally until things are calm. Kind of figure if they've gotten that upset, communication has already broken down, or it's not possible to attempt to communicate when they're that revved up in the first place, though I may stand there and ''actively'' listen, til they get it out of their system-- depending on the situation. I'm more than happy to discuss & hopefully clear up whatever upset them when they can remain calm; I don't hold their initial reactions against them, per se- I just don't allow it to upset me in the moment. Some people may disagree with me on this, but in everyday situations, I seriously see no reason to YELL about anything. It's just an assault on everyone around you, and in of itself resolves nothing.

    I'd say, 3 yrs later, much of this post still holds true for me. However, I don't just emotionally disengage anymore. I physically remove myself from interacting with them until they calm down. "You can feel however you need to feel, and shout if you need to do so, but I don't have to expose myself to it. We can continue a discussion when you're calm." I then hang up the phone or walk away from the person.

    I can be compassionate about someone's feelings, but I'm not going to encourage adult tantrums or be a sponge for someone else's bullshit. I just can't bring myself to give a damn anymore, regardless of who it is. That behavior is unacceptable to me. I give the person space to calm down, and to assert a healthy boundary for myself. I'm more than happy to hear them out and resolve whatever the issue is when they can exercise some self control, and speak to me without needless aggression.

    If they feel insulted by that.. Too bad.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!

    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.
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  4. #94
    The Memes Justify the End Array EcK's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Evee View Post
    I hate it. It's the worst feeling ever when someone yells at me.

    I usually just shut down.
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
    Richard Feynman's last recorded words

    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
    Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE

  5. #95
    scourge Array miss fortune's Avatar
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    they may get the narrowed eyes, slightly flared nostrils and beginnings of a sneer in response, which seems to have the same effect as when a cat flattens its ears and hisses... this is when they are being unreasonably vitriolic about something... they tend to go away then

    if they are an idiot, I tend to roll my eyes as if reverting back to 13 years old

    if they are a complete and total idiot I tend to laugh, whether I want to or not

    if they are correct and I was wrong I apologize and move on

    if it's someone who is family or like family I yell back in an over the top manner fitting of a telenovela and feel quite pleased with myself
    Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom? -Terry Pratchett

  6. #96
    Trick or treat Array Eskimo2's Avatar
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    Apr 2015


    Depends on lots of things, a mixture of the level of seriousness of the reasoning, who is doing it, and how intense it is. I can easily disengage myself from the affects on most shallow controversies, while running an internal monologue to try to determine if there is a worthwhile point being made, breaking down the raw emotions into something that is more palatable. If I find that there is some valid reasoning behind what someone is saying, I try to understand it- if there isn't then it at least I can get some sort of entertainment out of it. Most of these interactions are not an issue, even if heavy emotions are involved- I find I don't generally feel noticeably emotionally affected and take this with good humor.

    I it is something more cutting, more personally motivated, then I find that I have a hard time distancing myself. If the power of the emotionally charged interaction goes faster than I can compartmentalize what is being said, that is when I am likely to get emotionally disrupted. It becomes like a third person horror show for me, a small part watching as the other part loses itself. I try to avoid this whenever possible.

  7. #97
    The Lost One Array Nico_D's Avatar
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    Mar 2015


    Just yesterday I was walking my dog on the left side of the road because that's where they teach you to walk you dog: on your left. And because of that it's reasonable to walk on the left side of the road because a) that's from where she gets easier to the side of the road and b) it's safer to anyone since she won't be jumping to the middle of the road smelling passer-by's and doesn't get scared if a cyclist passes us.


    This one fat middleaged man came towards us with a bicycle. We were walking in the side so there was plenty - and I mean A LOT - of room to pass us from our right. But instead he pushed more to the side and kept coming towards us with no intention of moving. He got closer and started yelling: "Fuck, can't you fucking walk in the right side of the road! And don't you fucking stare at me like that!"

    I listened to his whining and yelling for awhile after which I just said: "With those amounts of fat you'd think it'd be healty for you to actually turn the wheel a bit. Might do you good."

    If he'd said something nicely instead of yelling at complete stranger, I would've explained him why we are walking on that particular side of the road and maybe reach an understanding. But as he just behaved like an asshole, I thought "fuck it".

    This other time one lady came yelling at me because of some work project I was doing as she didn't think I wasn't doing a proper job. I just looked at her and said very politely: "Why are you angry? I can see you're very angry. You don't have to be angry with me." She stopped, got embarrassed and walked away. Works everytime I've the patience to do it.

    So, depends on situation.
    "The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd."
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  8. #98
    Human Grumpy Cat Array senza tema's Avatar
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    4w5 sx/sp


    I only freeze if it's actually my fault or I feel guilty. Otherwise, I yell right back. And later wonder where all the rage came from.

  9. #99
    Level 8 Scumlord Array SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    Nov 2009
    642 so/sx


    Context, context, context.

    It starts with 'caring' or generally how many fucks I have to give that week. Granted some people and/or situations require that I care, i.e. work, family, to a degree. My 'gut' reaction is to have a 'fight' response and yell back, which I suppress quite well, now. One of the long term benefits from having dealt with a 'temper' most of my life is that I'm finally in a place where I have very good control over my amygdala being hijacked. I usually use a monotone voice and calmly explain things. I am not trying to change them or their thoughts, I'm ok with agreeing to disagree and any disagreement isn't necessarily going to lead to a dissolution of relationship or modification. You like the color green you say? Well I like blue. Oh well.

    I'm yelled & cursed at (in my face) and sometimes physically threated on the daily at work (the nature of my job). This stuff just rolls off 98% of the time as I stare blankly at them and calmly perform my duties. Which sometimes is it's own juicy reward, watching them have a nuclear melt down due to their inability to shift my emotional state or control theirs.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft
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  10. #100
    Senior Member Array MyCupOfTea's Avatar
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    Oct 2014


    Yeah it really depends of the context and my mood.

    If it's a heated argument gone out of control and someone keeps pushing my buttons I will definitely bite the bate and yell back.

    If someone starts yelling at me and I don't see it coming I'd probably freeze and just take it all in.

    In both cases, I get hurt badly and it takes time to recover. I keep replaying the situation in my head and create alternative dialogues about how I handle it more smoothly.

    Luckily I don't get yelled at that often. Can't help it, I still carry the wounds from some bad fights years back. I have a bad habit to take these things personally even when they're not and even if when I know they're not. I wish I had thicker skin.
    The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way its animals are treated.

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