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  1. #1
    Senior Member Silveresque's Avatar
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    Default Nice vs. Pushover

    Where do you draw the line between being nice and being a pushover? How do you discern whether someone is a pushover or simply nice?

  2. #2
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    I tend to view pushovers as people who would prefer a given situation to be different, but fear of potential conflict/rejection, etc prevents them from speaking up, even regarding things central to their own personal values.
    A diplomatic person will hold their ground while attempting to accommodate those around them, but they have boundaries that someone you may call a ''pushover'' does not [or, like I said, does not know how to build or maintain].

    mh, I may add to this later, but that's the simplest means of distinguishing the two I can come up with, at the moment.
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  3. #3
    right on the left wing Philosorapteuse's Avatar
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    For reasons best known to the recesses of my brain, I'm thinking of this in terms of chairs.

    As I see it, a nice but strong person is likely to have a sturdy structure underneath the upholstery. It's comfortable and supportive, and it can withstand some abuse - though smacking it might get you a bruised hand when you discover the padding's not as thick as you expected. :P It may have give, and it may be flexible rather than totally rigid, but it'll withstand a real attempt to break or warp it into something it's not built for. In contrast, the internal structure of a pushover will collapse under pressure like a cheap deckchair. Sure, it's light and portable, and comfortable for a while, but I wouldn't advise leaning too heavily on it.

    Of course, it can be hard to tell the difference until you put those internal structures/principles under stress. Moral of the story: Sit on people.

    ...or not.
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  4. #4
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Philosorapteuse View Post
    For reasons best known to the recesses of my brain, I'm thinking of this in terms of chairs.

    As I see it, a nice but strong person is likely to have a sturdy structure underneath the upholstery. It's comfortable and supportive, and it can withstand some abuse - though smacking it might get you a bruised hand when you discover the padding's not as thick as you expected. :P It may have give, and it may be flexible rather than totally rigid, but it'll withstand a real attempt to break or warp it into something it's not built for. In contrast, the internal structure of a pushover will collapse under pressure like a cheap deckchair. Sure, it's light and portable, and comfortable for a while, but I wouldn't advise leaning too heavily on it.

    Of course, it can be hard to tell the difference until you put those internal structures/principles under stress. Moral of the story: Sit on people.

    ...or not.
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  5. #5
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I tend to view pushovers as people who would prefer a given situation to be different, but fear of potential conflict/rejection, etc prevents them from speaking up, even regarding things central to their own personal values.
    A diplomatic person will hold their ground while attempting to accommodate those around them, but they have boundaries that someone you may call a ''pushover'' does not [or, like I said, does not know how to build or maintain].

    mh, I may add to this later, but that's the simplest means of distinguishing the two I can come up with, at the moment.
    Miss Lexi saves me a lot of typing.
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  6. #6
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Nice people: Do things for other people because they genuinely want to and doesn't deny their own needs in the process. Tends to place their needs as no more or less important than others' needs.

    Pushovers on the other hand will deny their own needs and do things they really don't want to do because they are afraid to say no, afraid if they assert their real needs they might be rejected, perceived as selfish, etc. Pushovers usually place other peoples' needs above their own.
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