Beauty: A Curse, A Blessing or Just an Asset?

[UniqueMixture]

[MENTION=825]ygolo[/MENTION] I would say of the people you have "positive" experiences with. If you associate a particular characteristic, even a "positive" one like beauty with a negative emotional experience you are more likely to avoid that characteristic in the future.

 

[redcheerio]

I don't know... I think it's both. At least with my sister. When someone says she's beautiful it makes her feel good, she likes feeling good... Maybe something to do with her identity being so based on what other people think?
If it's been a period of time since the last compliment, maybe she starts to feel uncertain?

She can go from feeling great about herself, beautiful and confident, to seeing a picture of someone she thinks is more attractive and instantly become depressed that she'll never be as 'good' as that. Or she might redouble her efforts to be perfect. Hit the gym, diet, buy more clothes. A lot of insecurity.

It makes me very glad I didn't have people telling me I was attractive when I was younger... such a strange thing to praise someone for.

Beauty is a terrible thing for anyone to base their self-esteem on. Beautiful women are insecure because everyone around them is so focused on their beauty.

Imagine thinking that the only worth you have is based on whether you're the prettiest in the room or not? And that the thing that (seems to) make you most valuable to others has absolutely nothing to do with who you are, what you do, think, or say, your talents, or anything internal, and everything to do with something so shallow that will fade quickly?

If it seemed like no one liked or valued me for anything but my face, I'd be pretty damned insecure, too.

 

[Thalassa]

I don't know... I think it's both. At least with my sister. When someone says she's beautiful it makes her feel good, she likes feeling good... Maybe something to do with her identity being so based on what other people think?
If it's been a period of time since the last compliment, maybe she starts to feel uncertain?

She can go from feeling great about herself, beautiful and confident, to seeing a picture of someone she thinks is more attractive and instantly become depressed that she'll never be as 'good' as that. Or she might redouble her efforts to be perfect. Hit the gym, diet, buy more clothes. A lot of insecurity.

It makes me very glad I didn't have people telling me I was attractive when I was younger... such a strange thing to praise someone for.

Hmm people have complimented me on my appearance since I was a child, however I was also praised for other things (you're funny, you're charismatic, you're smart) so I never internalized it as my ONLY worth, I do know some women who are insecure if they aren't wearing full make-up and heels, though, like my ESFJ friend (and she's very attractive to be 49 years old and the mother of 4) and my mom used to be the same way.

Maybe because I worked as an adult entertainer I'm overly confident, because I don't have this obsession with make-up and heels, and know I can get attention from men with my hair up and glasses on, and I've noticed this about A LOT of strippers, that they'll walk around in pajamas and tee shirts, like the antithesis sometimes of what they look like when they're performing. I think it also gives you a sense, when you're anywhere near the porn industry, that men like different things - so if you're a blonde, redhead, brunette, have wide hips or big breasts, as long as you aren't actually obese, some man wants that look, it's almost a guarantee as long as your body is proportionate, reasonably fit, and your face symmetrical and without too many other imperfections.

I am, however, very very invested in my own sexual capital, and the kind of woman who would make sure I was sexually appealing to my husband even in middle age and beyond, and I think there are women who don't get that, why I invest so much into sexuality, but it's because I see it as a serious asset with men, whether you like it or not, being sexy is actually worth more than unique beauty.

But yeah...no child, none, should be told they're ONLY pretty...because that leads to horrific consequences, like your sister sounds obsessed with her appearance in an unhealthy way. Did she do child modeling? Was she never praised for her talents?

 

[Halla74]

Beauty: A Curse, A Blessing or Just an Asset?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Therefore it can never be a curse, blessing, and asset to all people.
Furthermore, the dynamic between inner beauty and outer beauty further complicated the valuation of one's "total beauty."
And I shall say further still that their actions, beliefs, and principles are all of equivalent worth.

So what are we as mortals to do with this conumdrum?
NOTHING - but EMBRACE IT.
Do not fret about how whoever's variables in their arbitrary equation of total beauty sum you up.
Believe in yourself.
Become the best person you can be in all ways that you can be.
Live your life according to your beliefs, and fighting for what you perceive to be the greater good, and do not fall victim to being an apathetic sheep who is herded by the wicked.
Rise above what anyone could ever try to define beauty to be, and in doing so, make it become more than it has ever been before.



-Alex

 

[cascadeco]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Therefore it can never be a curse, blessing, and asset to all people.
Furthermore, the dynamic between inner beauty and outer beauty further complicated the valuation of one's "total beauty."
And I shall say further still that their actions, beliefs, and principles are all of equivalent worth.

So what are we as mortals to do with this conumdrum?
NOTHING - but EMBRACE IT.
Do not fret about how whoever's variables in their arbitrary equation of total beauty sum you up.
Believe in yourself.
Become the best person you can be in all ways that you can be.
Live your life according to your beliefs, and fighting for what you perceive to be the greater good, and do not fall victim to bein an apathetic sheep who is herded by the wicked.
Rise above what anyone could ever try to define beauty to be, and in doing so, make it become more than it has ever become before.



-Alex

You are very motivational!!!

 

[Thalassa]

If it seemed like no one liked or valued me for anything but my face, I'd be pretty damned insecure, too.

This is why I get angry at men who harp (in a frankly uneducated and oversimplified way) on the specific social look of our society. For example, no, being stick thin and being shaved from head to toe HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEXUAL FERTILITY YOU FUCKING MORON (sorry not you, guys who say these things) ...because for women who value nothing but their appearance, they will believe this shit, they'll THINK ITS TRUE.

It's like, no sweetie, some insecure guys who can't seem to either get or keep a girlfriend want to make you feel like it's somehow your fault as a woman because you don't look like Megan Fox, and it's simply not true. If they were operating on strict biology, they'd realize that a much much wider range of women fall into this fertile appearance.

And men who are true sensualists, I've noticed, like men who are REALLY into sex and like women a lot, usually realize that. Like they'll comment on different kinds of beauty in different women of different ages and body types. Those guys are total horndogs and sleep around, but at least they are frank about what is really biological, and honey, it ain't got nothing to do with anorexia or Nair.

 

[Halla74]

You are very motivational!!!

Thank you.
I wrote that without a moment of forethought.
Every single word is straight from my heart.
Please keep sharing your beauty with us; it has made this forum a better place for years and given me much happiness.

 

[raindancing]

But yeah...no child, none, should be told they're ONLY pretty...because that leads to horrific consequences, like your sister sounds obsessed with her appearance in an unhealthy way. Did she do child modeling? Was she never praised for her talents?

Yea it is unhealthy. She didn't do child modeling, but she was constantly told she should, and it's always been her dream. She just started doing it this year. (She's 18 btw.)
Occasional thing were said about her talents, but rarely. Of course I've tried to draw attention to them but sometimes it feels like a bit of a losing battle. I live in a different country...
At first the modeling seemed to help her gain confidence, but now if anything she is getting more obsessive.