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  1. #1
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Default Accept your flaws

    How do you balance "self-improvement" vs. "accepting who you are"? Is there a point past which either of these is counterproductive/destructive, and you just should do each one to a moderate but not extreme degree?

    How do the two not contradict each other?
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  2. #2
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    How do you balance "self-improvement" vs. "accepting who you are"? Is there a point past which either of these is counterproductive/destructive, and you just should do each one to a moderate but not extreme degree?

    How do the two not contradict each other?
    When accepting who you are becomes a mentally reasoned excuse for avoiding improvement, out of fear.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    How do you balance "self-improvement" vs. "accepting who you are"? Is there a point past which either of these is counterproductive/destructive, and you just should do each one to a moderate but not extreme degree?

    How do the two not contradict each other?
    It is like blame and responsibility. Responsibility looks forward and blame looks back. In the same vein, accepting who you are is honest evaluation, self improvement looks forward to who you could become.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    How do you balance "self-improvement" vs. "accepting who you are"? Is there a point past which either of these is counterproductive/destructive, and you just should do each one to a moderate but not extreme degree?

    How do the two not contradict each other?
    Take the example of a house:

    I bought a little cottage on the lake. I would have preferred something bigger, but it was the only decent house in my price range. It is what it is. I guess I’ll just have to accept it as it is.

    But because I saved money on the purchase, I have some money left over to at least make some improvements. I think I’ll have the bathroom remodeled.

  5. #5
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    From here:
    Someone on a site I post at recently asked what people would choose between self-acceptance and self-improvement. It's a bad question because real self-acceptance is self-improvement. They are not separate things. The problem is when people don't really understand what self-acceptance is all about.

    Some people take self-acceptance to mean "if I have an urge to say asshole things, I should let myself be an asshole and embrace my assholery in full." That's a very shallow understanding of self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is a psychological shift that happens when you forgive yourself for all the way you fail to measure up to your own--and others'--expectations.

    Most of our expectations are held in secret. They're so subtle that you don't even realize how pervasive they are. It's like air: it's everywhere, so you don't notice it unless someone points it out. Expectations drive all of our self-improvement efforts, and all our self-management efforts. When you meditate because you don't like some aspect of your current experience or think there's something missing, you're dealing with self-acceptance. You're rejecting the part of your experience (and the part of you) you can't look at. It's what Jung meant when he was talking about the Shadow as a personality construct.

    When you accept the way you feel and the chaos and confusion in your life and all the ways this moment might be missing something, you lose the urge to fight. You lose the urge to be an asshole. You see how it is and you figure out, very immediately, what's valuable in life and what you need to do--your mission. In other words, you take a big leap towards self-improvement.
    Sounds like bollocks to me but you might find it helpful.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  6. #6
    Señora Member Elfa's Avatar
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    I try to accept myself as a person who aims self-improvement, but one who may make mistakes in the way. I accept my mistakes as a way to learning how to be better. I couldn't learn without experimenting, and mistakes are part of experimenting. And I accept that, trying not to blame myself and trying not to feel bad for missing sometimes. I don't see it as contradictory. :]

  7. #7
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    How do you balance "self-improvement" vs. "accepting who you are"? Is there a point past which either of these is counterproductive/destructive, and you just should do each one to a moderate but not extreme degree?

    How do the two not contradict each other?
    When one is not helping the given situation.

    When "accepting who you are" becomes an excuse to justify your actions or when "self-improvement" fails to allow you to see what is in front of you is really all you need.

    Basically, when you fail to see what is in front of you.

  8. #8
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Rather then accepting your flaws, you should focus on understanding the limitations you have through those flaws. If you can accept those limitations, then you could accept the flaw.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  9. #9
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    I think simply using honesty as an heuristic would be better than "self-improvement" or "self-acceptance." If you can be honest with yourself about your flaws and how it's affecting your life/others, then you don't need to pursue any sort of silly self-improvement or acceptance regiments in order to arrive at a course of action that is situationally appropriate and helpful to you.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  10. #10
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    If it is only about your own expectations of life, then it's easy to just accept yourself as you are. However, there are also the expectations of your family, friends, colleagues and society in general and unless you want to live as a hermit, you'll need to make constant adjustments. It often becomes not only "accepting your flaws" but also getting others to understand and accept it.

    I prefer to think of it as limitations rather than flaws as we can't be good at everything and just because we aren't good at something doesn't make us defective. The key is knowing where your limits are and where you are in relation to those limits. If you have not reached the limit yet, there is space for improvement. Think of it like a high jumper. There is a certain height that you won't be able to overcome regardless of what training you do or steroids you take. But that doesn't mean you can't improve on your current personal best until you reach that limit.

    In the end it comes down to prioritization. We may not have the resources (time, money, knowledge, etc) to improve everything we are weak at. So a judgment call has to be made as to which areas we want to improve and which we just have to learn to accept (and adapt) to.
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

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