I deserve good things.
I am entitled to my share of happiness.
I refuse to beat myself up. I am attractive person.
I am fun to be with.
I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.
I know some people *cough* in-laws who spend a lot of time giving themselves these insipid self-pep talks and yet they remain as messed up as ever. They are fully of sumerged anger that comes out in snide remarks, invalidation, cut-downs, inability to be truly close to others, acting on impulses without thinking, etc. Their positive self talk appears to have also become a defense mechanism that prevents them from seeing the harm they do.
Their critical T has not been transmuted into anything healthy and useful for them, nor has it been engaged in anything positive, instead it seems they are using F based mantras to try and wish the T away, but of course it can never go away, so it goes underground, becomes twice as strong and more negative than ever in the darkness like that.
When does positive self talk become a negative self delusion?
This is a topic of great interest to me, the ways all humans delude self.
I often hear people say they want to remove their inner critical voices, but is this healthy even? Wouldn't a better way be to try and be able to listen to the inner critic more impersonally and try to perceive between when it is a rational concern that we could improve on and when it is an irrational fear? Isn't using blanket positive self talk acutally putting a gag on a vital part of ourself? For a feeler, I believe putting a gag on the T could be one of the most dangerous things ever done.
Is it better to use mantras to try and cover up and deny the inner critic, or is it better to try and change our reactions to the inner critic to try and discern when it is a valid criticism or an unreasonable one and to use its feedback as a means of healthy self growth? Where is the inner illness anyway? Is it in the critical voice itself or our own over-reaction to it?
Thoughts from others? I am truly interested in other viewpoints.