the prayers and readings started really weirding me out at around age 8 or 9. it just seemed so cultish and scary that so many people would blindly chant things without even knowing what they're saying. and these feelings have only gotten worse with time. these days, i'm soooooo uncomfortable when i'm in a position where people are praying or even talking about religion in any sort of serious way.
and although i was in hebrewschool until i was 18, i literally haven't said ONE prayer since my bar mitzvah (which was forced upon me). and it sucks, because i know a lot of my family members get offended at passover seder when i refuse to participate. but i'm just not going to compromise myself.
so basically i'm a complete outsider when it comes to jewish culture. i have jewish friends, but none of them talk about it much.
the worst part about it is that i'm an FJ. speaking my mind in hebrewschool was not a possibility for me. i didn't hold back entirely, but i could never really state my full opinions -- i could never be myself.
ugh. i'm certainly not going to force something like that on my kids...
sorry for the poor grammar, i'm all fucked up right now