I wonder if anyone else who is interested in psychology or is philosophically reflective or a thinker has recognised this and how they respond to it.
I'm not talking about people who have an addiction or dependency and are deeply in denial about it, to themselves as much or more than simply to others, although it would perhaps fall under this category too. Like someone who is intoxicated but will attempt tasks requiring sober dexterity and/or competence and who are then bewildered when they fail.
I liked Karen Horney's book on internal conflicts, particularly the outline of neurotic trends including moving towards others, moving away from others and moving against others (aggression) as it corresponded to what was my direct experience of dealing with a lot of people, some of whom were pretty conflicted. However I know so many people who read sources like that and it comes as a complete revelation. To me its pretty sobering and disappointing the extent to which thinking and reflection has been avoided or limited or disabled in order to make this scenario happen.
A few examples I can think of include people who are allocated a task, which they will find challenging but which is not impossible for them, who deliberately do a bad job accentuating their own perceived incapacity but also as a strategy to put off others asking them to do the job again in future. Along with other sorts of deliberate self-sabotage with consequences for others I'd consider this pretty passive aggressive.
I've also known, in one of my parents, a tendency to speak about serious topics or demand attention when they are aware and know that they have picked precisely the moment when this is not a good idea, ie you are watching a TV programme which you have explicitly anticipated or taped, you are on the phone to a friend, you are engaged in work requiring your full concentration. I've even known this to take on extremes such as dropping plates or breaking things or other accidents which then require all other things to be put on hold and the necessary prescence or company provided during whatever task it is is being carried out. The crazy thing about this is that while its clear to me what is going on it can be accompanied with "I'm alright, I dont need you to help me", that's the most annoying thing, why do these dumb things if that is the case? Why do your deeds speak so differently to your words?
I'm venting or ranting because with most of the people in my immediate social interactional sphere, not just parents or friends or family but also work colleagues and others, insight is likely only to be resisted, and resisted big style.