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  1. #1

    Default The prevalence of unconscious compulsions in some people

    I wonder if anyone else who is interested in psychology or is philosophically reflective or a thinker has recognised this and how they respond to it.

    I'm not talking about people who have an addiction or dependency and are deeply in denial about it, to themselves as much or more than simply to others, although it would perhaps fall under this category too. Like someone who is intoxicated but will attempt tasks requiring sober dexterity and/or competence and who are then bewildered when they fail.

    I liked Karen Horney's book on internal conflicts, particularly the outline of neurotic trends including moving towards others, moving away from others and moving against others (aggression) as it corresponded to what was my direct experience of dealing with a lot of people, some of whom were pretty conflicted. However I know so many people who read sources like that and it comes as a complete revelation. To me its pretty sobering and disappointing the extent to which thinking and reflection has been avoided or limited or disabled in order to make this scenario happen.

    A few examples I can think of include people who are allocated a task, which they will find challenging but which is not impossible for them, who deliberately do a bad job accentuating their own perceived incapacity but also as a strategy to put off others asking them to do the job again in future. Along with other sorts of deliberate self-sabotage with consequences for others I'd consider this pretty passive aggressive.

    I've also known, in one of my parents, a tendency to speak about serious topics or demand attention when they are aware and know that they have picked precisely the moment when this is not a good idea, ie you are watching a TV programme which you have explicitly anticipated or taped, you are on the phone to a friend, you are engaged in work requiring your full concentration. I've even known this to take on extremes such as dropping plates or breaking things or other accidents which then require all other things to be put on hold and the necessary prescence or company provided during whatever task it is is being carried out. The crazy thing about this is that while its clear to me what is going on it can be accompanied with "I'm alright, I dont need you to help me", that's the most annoying thing, why do these dumb things if that is the case? Why do your deeds speak so differently to your words?

    I'm venting or ranting because with most of the people in my immediate social interactional sphere, not just parents or friends or family but also work colleagues and others, insight is likely only to be resisted, and resisted big style.

  2. #2
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Yep. Life is very pain. Good for you to already be aware of this, also removes excuse to fall into into and brings in the next challenge which is to deal with the now conscious struggle that can be seen arising within such situations.

    As for others:
    you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  3. #3
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Sounds like you're able to recognize it in other people.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Sounds like you're able to recognize it in other people.
    Yeah, I was going to respond to this but then I thought about it.

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    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    Yeah, I was going to respond to this but then I thought about it.
    Hmm. Interesting.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Hmm. Interesting.
    You just joined the club.

  7. #7
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    I'm in good company.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  8. #8
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    I have a few quirks like that. I don't always notice them at the time, the tiggers aren't always obvious. I try to pick them up, but I'm human.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
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    Yeah, the biggest bang for the buck is to recognize these tendencies within ourselves. Knowing our cognitive biases is insanely useful; in a way, it virtually allows us to transcend our own reality. That should be the point of these typology systems, but we instead try to use them as a shortcut to figure out other people before ourselves. Yeah, good luck with that.

    I'm self-aware enough to know that I have consciously deluded myself into thinking some things, because thinking those things (taking on those biases) was useful. The core of me retains the 'truth,' though.

    Or at least I take a stab at all of this. I haven't perfected any of this by any means.

    I have the closest relationships with the people who have taken a good look at themselves, and it's difficult for me to get close to those who haven't--in a sense, they stand in the way.

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    Yeah, the biggest bang for the buck is to recognize these tendencies within ourselves. Knowing our cognitive biases is insanely useful; in a way, it virtually allows us to transcend our own reality. That should be the point of these typology systems, but we instead try to use them as a shortcut to figure out other people before ourselves. Yeah, good luck with that.

    I'm self-aware enough to know that I have consciously deluded myself into thinking some things, because thinking those things (taking on those biases) was useful. The core of me retains the 'truth,' though.

    Or at least I take a stab at all of this. I haven't perfected any of this by any means.

    I have the closest relationships with the people who have taken a good look at themselves, and it's difficult for me to get close to those who haven't--in a sense, they stand in the way.
    I couldnt agree more about the bit I highlighted, I also think that accounts for a lot of the attribution of types when people pick types for others seriously and not simply as a wind up. You can only really know for certain yourself and a lot of people refuse to "know thyself" or are resistant to it.

    In some senses I think it could or should lead to radical honesty in your appraisal of things, as in whether or not you are honestly the best choice to deal with specific people or situations, the shame of it is that often you're the only person, either because others think so or say so, and that gives rise to a lot of shit. I think that the counsellors or bed and breakfasts which didnt wish to provide services to homosexuals because they had conscientious objections to homosexuality in the UK were a good example of this but they got labelled bigots and the authorities or their employers decided that no service to anyone was preferable to a service for some people or even the majority of people. I've seen it at work too, people who know that they will not be able to respond to particular people or situations without contributing to conflict and escalation to outbursts and aggression, with possibly violence into the bargain, still plow on. On the other hand there are others who're clever enough to know that all they got to do is say "I'm not the best person here or I'm a trigger" and they can cop out and shirk duties. Sometimes the appraisal is going to point up a learning need, other times it is going to mean someone else is needed.

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