I am terrified - I am terrified of everything. I am terrified of taking the next step. I am terrified of the indifference of cats. I am terrified of the sunshine. I am terrified of raindrops - and we have had so many of them.
I am terrified to take my next breath. So I hold my breath - I hold my breath - and they tell me, if I don't take my next breath, I will die.
And yet around me everyone is normal. How I long for the terror of the French Revolution so that everyone would feel the same.
Around me they are normal, living comfortable lives of quiet desperation.
But what could be more terrifying than to be the only terrified person in a crowd of normal people?
I look across the crowded room, looking for another terrified face, perhaps hiding in a corner, and I will ask her to come sit under the stairs with me. And we can hold hands in the dark and be terrified together.